Nightmares about abusive ex

[tinkerbellax]

Seriously it's been years since he was released from prison for abusing me so why am I now having nightmares?

They're horrendous and he kills me or tries to kill me in everyone. I'm frightened to go to sleep!
I must admit that if I see pictures of him I cry, not through fear but I think I still love him.

Why am I such a weirdo

Well, you did love him and he betrayed you.
You are having nightmares because you haven't gone full no contact.
You need to stop looking at pictures and his social media. You have to put him firmly in the past.
It can take years to get over abuse, some don't get over it at all.
Your job now is to be pro active in irradicating him from your head.
When your thoughts turn to him, distract yourself with something else.

Fucking hell you're not a weirdo

You sound traumatised and still trying to come to terms with a very distressing time in your life.

Is there anyone you can talk to about it? Like professionally through your Dr?

It must be worse for you because you have no control over what you're thinking when you're asleep!

What makes you think you still love this man?

Look into PTSD

Maybe it's because you're in a stronger place? I had a horrible time about 5 years after a traumatic period in my life. At the time it was too much a matter of survival to process my feelings and they really hit me in that later period.
Just a thought? Perhaps seek out a very good supportive friend or maybe a counsellor (to avoid sparing their worries) to really work through it all.
I doubt you love them, perhaps miss the good times. Abusers are often remarkably manipulative ad charming.

I don't look at picture of him on social media, the kids have picture of him at the side of their beds.

I stayed up all night last night because I was worried about having a nightmare, I'm a bloody grown woman ffs

Ptsd

And EMDR treatment to get over it.

Wishing you all the best

Also Google trauma bonding.

I can totally sympathise.
Mine started again a few years ago. I get
Frustrated with myself because as
You say I’m an grown up.
But like others have said ptsd. There is help and support out there, although as yet
I haven’t had any so don’t know how successful it all is.
Good luck and remember your not alone

That sounds really hard.

I also have nightmares. What helps me, on a basic level, is listening to really soothing stuff on my phone as I sleep eg meditation stuff or trauma healing podcasts.

Therapy is also always a good thing, even for those who have never had anything bad happen - but of course, it’s not always available.