to call a 90 year old woman?

[annalijse]

I've been doing some research into family history and found a distant member of the tree with no known close living relatives who could fill in a lot of gaps. We had assumed she had long since passed but turns out she's alive, 90 and living on her own in her own home. I wanted to call her and introduce myself and ask about her parents and family history but my husband said it's completely inconsiderate, that I'd give the old dear a heart attack and that it's wholly inappropriate to call 90 year olds about matters like this....

Oh do call her, so many older people are written off over assumptions, when a lot of the time they would just love to be recognised as a person again and have a wealth of knowledge and opinions. Call her.

I know some older people who would chew your guts for being called old dears.

My MIL died this month at age 92. Right up until the end she still had a sharpe mind/memory and would have loved to discuss family history with anyone.

Definitely worth sending the letter.

My elderly grandmother would be thrilled to hear from a distant family member (especially given the sad circumstances in her childhood), and even though she is suffering from dementia now, her memory of her childhood and her family is still pretty clear. Don't be surprised if unknown relatives appear to check you out though, I know my mother would insist on being present too, my grandmother is easily taken in by scammers these days.

I'd send a letter outlining how you are linked and asking if you could phone her.
A phone call out of the blue with a lot of information might be difficult to take in and you have no idea when would be a good time for her.
With a letter she has the information you already have set out to reflect on, can choose when / if she wants to talk to you and can prepare for the call.

My 91 year old nan received a letter a few months ago from another leg of the family asking to talk, share photos etc. It was a perfect introduction. Definitely go down the letter route. A phone call would have confused my nan and potentially come across as a scam.