To not have made more effort?

[neonyellowshoes]

I had a fairly horrible birth. DS and me are fine now, but it required an emergency section and time in hospital for us both at the time. DS also didn't gain weight for some time. Hospital have apologised for how the birth was handled but I still live with the psychological issues. Flashbacks, nightmares etc.

Three weeks after the birth, my inlaws came to stay. They stayed in a hotel which was considerate of them. They live in another country. Some activities were planned- days and meals out. Me and the baby only managed one of them. It was later mentioned that I could've made more effort.

I had an odd conversation with MIL where I think I was forgiven. Not too sure. I just changed the subject.

This all still rankles some time later. I haven't said anything and probably won't as don't want to put DH in a shit position.

People have odd ideas. My mum said she felt sorry for my son as I hadn't taken him out a week after I had an emcs. When I said she had a csection aswell so she must remember what it's like she told me I was young and fit so it was ok for me but she had hers in her 40s. Who said you should have made more effort?

Have you had help from the mental health team to deal with it all? I had a shit birth with ecs and needed help because of the flashbacks.
Your mil sounds a little unsympathetic but unless you’ve had a traumatic birth experience, you can’t really understand how it feels, both mentally and physically.

Think it was a general consensus of said inlaws, exactly who said it first I don't know. Only heard about this later from DH. Think he was quite disappointed in it all for some reason.

To this day I have no idea if I should've just grinned and bourne it and went out with them, though midwive had ordered bed rest basically.

People recover from surgery at different rates. If you spent time in hospital because of complications, then three weeks, expecting you to be up and about is pushing it somewhat (in my opinion).

Who ever did the organising for this visiting tri[ really needs their head probed. But I have to say your DH, shouldn't have repeated their comments back to you, he should have your back covered and be saying 'Neon is very ill, you can visit in short bursts, and I wont be ferrying you round, Neon needs me at home' or words to that effect.

What sort of activities were planned? Could your in laws not have gone to see you rather than doing activities?

Only you know if you felt up to doing the activities and meals out.

I have very bad PND with first so wanted my second my way. Certain people fell out with me still haven't met my child. I think they're pathetic. Some people just do t understand. Too self absorbed

3 weeks after any birth let alone one with complications is no time really. What did they want you to join in with?

Try not to let this keep bothering you, how are things now with them?