Aibu to not go into work?

[TryingToMakeItThrough]

Please take it easy on me it’s been a rough week for me and first time posting in AIBU.

On Thursday my partner took me to a&e because I was going to kill myself, wasn’t just suicidal thoughts I was going to go through with it. Anyways, now I’m under the care of the crisis team, I was seen by a social worker yesterday, and will be again on Sunday and a doctor on Monday. Work plays a lot into how stressed I am and how badly I feel about myself. For example, Wednesday evening at work, my colleagues, decided it would be funny to play a practical joke on me, my biggest fear is public speaking, and they told me that I would have to do that in front of everyone. Only to tell me an hour later, after panicking that I didn’t, and everyone just laughed at me for ages. I felt humiliated.

So here’s where it gets a bit tricky, my manager is also my brother. I haven’t been in since Thursday and my excuse has just been a bad tummy bug, because I don’t want anyone to know what’s happening, especially my brother. He phoned today to ask if I could come in today because yesterday was really busy, I work in a hotel bar, and I now feel like I have too.

So I guess my AIBU is do I not go in and disappoint my brother, tell him I will but can’t the next two days because I’ve got to see “doctors”-social worker and a doctor, I really don’t know what to do, and to make it worse I’ve actually know come down with a cough and I’m loosing my voice.

What would you do?

Don't go in
Your mental health has to come first

Don’t go into work. You need to tell your brother what has been happening (workplace bullying and all!).

Dont go it. Ask GP for a couple of weeks sicknote.

I would not go in, you are still under the care of the crisis team. Can you confide in your brother, or do you not want him to know? If not then just say (for now) that no you can't work as you are feeling worse. It is not a lie is it, you do have a cough and are losing your voice. Take care of yourself

Tell him you can't and you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.He doesn't need to know the why.

Don't go. Say you have a stomach bug short term to buy you a few days

Definitely stay home! In the grand scheme of things, work is not important, nor is upsetting your brother. I hope you get the help you need, and feel better soon, nothing is worth taking your own life.

Talk to your brother.

You sound ill. Stay off. Your colleagues sound awful.

And in the longer term once you're past this crisis, is there any chance that you could face looking for another job? One where you don't get bullied and humiliated?

Do not go. You need to take care of your health first. Just tell him you can't go in as you are still unwell (its the truth) and have a drs appointment tomorrow. Ask your Dr for a sick note.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low, if you ever feel like venting just come to us - kind of helpful to vent to strangers ☺ 🌼

Don't go in, but maybe you could say that you are dealing with stress rather than stomach issues? Any fit note your doctor gives you will mention mental health. Don't worry about disappointing your brother, if you had a visible illness I don't think you would be thinking of it that way. Do you have a contact in the crisis team who could reassure you about this?

Your mental health is much more important.
If you are seen to be coping- and going into work- you will probably be discharged from crisis team, as you are no longer presenting as a ‘crisis’.
You sound like you need the help and support they can give. Put yourself first.

Tell him what the problem is - there is nothing at all to be ashamed of in having a mental illness.

He must be a pretty poor manager is he allows staff to humiliate one of their number - that is disgraceful.

I am so sorry that you are so unwell just now and send oodles of sympathy - you are not alone; many many people suffer in a similar way. It does sound as though you are getting the right care and speedily and that is brilliant.

Put your health first - there is no way that you can work in such an environment while you are so unwell.

I do hope that you will be feeling better soon.

Don't go in OP. As others have said your mental health comes first. I have had an extended period (a couple months) off work due to mental health issues, the DR asked me when writing a sick note if my management knew what was wrong with me, as if I didn't want to tell anyone they wouldn't state "depression/anxiety' on the sick note. As it happened my manager did know (and was incredibly supportive).

Why don't you want your brother to know? As a family member he should be supportive, please don't feel ashamed to talk about your problems, there isn't as much of a stigma about this anymore, but your colleagues sound like dicks!

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are having such a tough time of it and feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Don't go in, you are too unwell. I think if you can manage it, tell your brother as your manager that you are being bullied and humiliated. It was very cruel to do that to you.
You don't have to put up with this behaviour. If he doesn't do anything about it look for another job, when you are well enough.

You can't go in. That is the bottom line.

I would tell him you're still not well, you have a doctor's appointment after the weekend. And at that appointment you must ask to be signed off work.

Also, if you can't face the conversation with your brother, it's okay to ask your partner to call him and tell him you're really not well enough to go in today.