Trouble with mum

[Rythmisadancer]

Hi, what do I do about my mum? I love her dearly. Thought we were close but any effort to see or communicate is one sided. I call her most days which she moans about, and calls me a pest. (I'm 28 so find it a bit Patronising).

I'm lucky enough to own my house and have a lovely partner and a good job. I live about 20 minutes away but mum won't come and visit me because she's too scared of the drive (I used to do this drive as a commuter daily it isn't scary). So she never rings me and only comes to the house if her old man brings her. The last time was at Christmas.

I booked a spa day in January for us to attend this weekend. She never goes anywhere with me other than the local shopping precinct. I couldn't tell you the last time we just went for a cup of tea or something.

24 hours before the spa day she's decided she would see what the weather was like as she wasn't sure would go. (The spa is on the center of town) and said she's not going if it's raining or snowing. I offered to pick her up and drive us there.

I'm unable to reschedule at such short notice and the voucher expires in May when I happen to be on holiday.

So my mum is humming and harring and told me to take someone else. Then changed her mind again and so I told her to forget it and told her not to come. Now I've asked someone else and I'm feeling really awful about the whole thing as this was meant to be her birthday present. Was I wrong?

I don't think you are being U, given she clearly didn't want to go enough to be consistent.

However I think you're trying to force a relationship that isn't there. She doesn't want to speak to you every day or spend more time with you than she does already. 💐

Sorry OP my Mum is even worse I love her dearly and phone or text her most days but it is extremely one sided.
She lives too far to walk to mine but could get a bus but she is in her mid seventies now and has never driven. So I always drove the 5-10 minutes to visit her. Yet my dad drives past our road end with her to the supermarket near my house most weeks and they wouldn’t dream of calling in for a coffee or to say hello for 10 mins.
I have had to accept that my mum doesn’t want or need a close relationship with me. She has been up town shopping with me about half a dozen times since my DC were born the eldest is 14 now. She declines lunch a trip to see my auntie her cousin etc etc.
I am now 52 probably closer to your mums age than your age. I would love a spa day with my DH we do this occasionally but I wouldn’t thank you for a spa day with younger or slimmer people and they can be quite intense if she is a quiet private person. So it’s maybe not her thing.
I have friends who have really close relationships with their mums and I wish I had this but I don’t. Maybe back off a little or a lot without a big blow out and spend more time with other friends.

Who is your mum's 'old man'? I may be barking up the wrong tree, but I do wonder if he has a hand in her being reluctant to see you.