Has anyone ever ‘gone off’ their oldest and best friend?

[BasinHaircut]

I’m not talking about a childhood friend who you still have some links with, might see a couple of times a etc, I mean a friend that is still your current everyday friend?

I’m not sure how much I like mine anymore. Over the past while I’ve started noticing loads of really irritating stuff about them and I can’t be bothered with it. We are part of a wider group of friends and when we meet up ive even started hoping she can’t make it!

She hasn’t done anything wrong, but she has changed a bit over the past few years through (my opinion) insecurity. I don’t want want to give up on our friendship and I do want to support her (she needs support even though she doesn’t doesnt really know it) but I just find her so irritating at the moment!

I find friendships wax and wane. Sometimes I’m very close to someone for a while, then we drift apart, are still friends but much less contact, then over the years we become closer again. This has happened with all my long term friendships and I think it’s quite normal and quite nice in a way.

Friendships go through stages...maybe clarify (to yourself) exactly what it is that’s causing you to find her irritating, and you’ll have a better idea whether to phase her out or just give it time.

Yes. We met when we were teenagers and even when we didn't live close we would talk or email every day.

But she got increasingly irritating and self centred. I moved abroad and at first she came to visit every couple of months. But she'd expect me to run around after her and would get drunk and embarrassing. She also just constantly wanted to argue with me and I started to find her conversation very dull.

Our lives moved in different directions. I told her I didn't want to be friends anymore. I have a family now and she hates children. I wouldn't try to change her but I'm not prepared to accept her as she is.

She has since tried to reach out. When my brother's wife died last year she emailed telling me she'd heard but not offering condolences to anyone.

If your friend has a genuine issue and needs your support then do but if you're no longer enjoying someone's company then I think its ok to move on. I have no regrets and we'd been friends for over twenty years.

Yes about a year ago. It’s sad but fairly normal I think. She was always a serious drama queen but when she had a child I started to get super irritated that she was actually lying to me and it became far more of a problem whereas before maybe I shook it off a bit. It was mutual though.

Similar situation for me Basin. Been friends for 15 years and used to be super close. Things have been sliding downhill for me for the past 3 years or so. She feels much more strongly about the friendship than I do. Like you, I have come to find her really irritating and have realised that I have always found her a bit wet. I don't look forward to seeing her anymore but don't feel ready to actually ditch the friendship for good
If in doubt, do nothing, and just give the situation time. Try to spend time with other people who you do enjoy seeing. It will work itself out

I find friendships change when life changes - eg children starting high school . I have a friend who has said some (in my opinion) rude things about what I should be doing with my daughter re school. I have pulled back not fallen out with her, maybe we can be better friends in the future? Perhaps you can pull away and see if that helps for now

Thanks for the responses, I thought you’d all tell me I sounded like a right bitch! I’m glad It’s not so unusual.

I’d say the issue is that she has to be involved in everything, has an opinion on everything, is overly familiar with everyone.

It’s all a bit much and it’s difficult to explain but it’s sort of fake, but sort of not either. I think she feels insecure and a bit inferior about being the ‘only one’ who isn’t married or hasn’t got any kids and so over compensates by doing the things I mention above. It’s tiring and annoying but it’s completely harmless and I feel terrible for liking her less because of it.

Ah. I feel more sympathetic towards her now.

Being the only one out of a group of friends to be single and childfree...finding that hard...

However you can be friends or not friends with whoever you choose.

atrocious exactly. I think I know what the issue is and it’s kind of forced her into becoming a caricature of herself. Everything is so exaggerated and in a subtle way a cry for attention. She often sounds like she is trying to ‘one-up’ me over silly things and it makes it so draining to spend time with her but I sort of ‘get’ why she is now like it.

I’m hoping that over the next couple of years she is getting married and fingers crossed a child follows quickly and she might mellow back a bit. When she got engaged a year ago for a couple of weeks I saw glimpses of the ‘old’ her and it was so nice.