"Different" kid constantly left out

[ShakyMilk]

There's a girl in my child's class (reception), let's call her Belle. Playground rumour suggests her mum is very young and her dad is in prison (I don't know if this is true - I don't know anything about her circumstances). I feel like Belle is being left out. Examples: recently there was a fundraising after school event, but because Belle gets the school bus (not many kids do here), she couldn't go. The other kids were so excited about it but she got called away to her bus just as the others were getting into their party clothes. The school runs a toothbrushing scheme, which everyone apart from her is part of (it was a nominal fee for the year, something like a fiver), she never attends any of the parties outside of school and she never has anyone come for the various 'stay and play' type events. Also, they have a forest schools & all the other kids go in outdoor clothes, whereas she is always in uniform. I notice all of this because my child is friends with Belle. It seems to me she is gradually being marked out as "different". My child doesn't notice, but I wonder if the school should be doing more to help/include her. AIBU?

I think it could be that. When my child outgrew wellies I suggested leaving them at school for spares and my child said "Yes, because Belle hasn't got any because hers are too small".
Re: the toothbrushing it must be a thing they do round here because they did it at nursery too - although it was free then.

There was one like this at dd's primary. It wasn't poverty - he just seemed a wee bit odd.
At about 8 - the occasion I particularly remember - she still insisted on inviting the whole class to her birthday parties and luckily we had facilities, or access to, to be able to do it.
He said to her, Thank you for inviting me to your party, X. Nobody else does.'
Still haunts me when I think of that.

Could you write a note for Belles bookbag with your contact details! Mention your also are friends and would like to invite her for a play date.
Perhaps then on party nights etc you will have built up enough of an acquaintance you could suggest Belle staying and you dropping her home afterwards?

I think it's lovely your trying to be inclusive to your LO friend. And if your dd isn't noticing then they clearly aren't treating her differently and seeing her as standing out. This will be helpful to Belle as she grows up and notices.

I've been trying to find a way to give new polo tops/shoes anonymously

Please think very, very carefully before you do this. Some people might just be pleased to receive such things in that way. Others may feel crushingly humiliated and extremely angry that strangers think they haven't provided adequately for their child. Be careful.

I remember my DH coming home to tell me DS's Y1 teacher had approached him about using the school's hardship fund to enable us to buy Christmas presents for him. As a family with a six figure income we were a bit bemused but it made me aware that schools must have these discretionary funds. Agree with arranging play dates as it's a good way to get some contact with Belle's mum and work out what's the situation with Belle's home life

meantangerine I know. I probably wouldn't due to exactly what you say. It doesn't help me looking on and wishing I could. I'll donate some new school items to the local food bank who take those instead.