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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want DP to get a motorbike

39 replies

carryondoctor · 16/03/2018 13:29

DP has decided he wants one for riding around for fun at the weekend. I hate them. I think they are dangerous; I think you are very vulnerable on a motorbike (the Think! campaign stats are terrifying - 38 times more likely to die than a passenger in a car) however sensible you are; and I think they are noisy and a bit anti-social as a consequence. I'd be scared every time he rode off on it. I have a friend who only has one arm after crashing his moped into a lorry when he was younger - he said he was doing about 15mph.

But DP is a big boy and we don't have the sort of relationship where one of us lays down the law to the other. I have explained how I feel, but of course he thinks he's invincible.

AIBU to feel like this about it??

OP posts:
blaaake · 16/03/2018 17:24

YABU. I have a motorbike and absolutely love it on the rare occasion I have chance to take it out. It's really enjoyable.

KittenBeast · 16/03/2018 17:32

My OH wants one, but I am not keen. He rides a pushbike to work on busy city roads and my worry is bad enough with that. Although, I suppose it's equally as unsafe as a motorbike.

AbsolutelyCorking · 16/03/2018 17:40

This would be a dealbreaker for me. I think riding a motorbike is completely irresponsible and dangerous.

BlondeB83 · 16/03/2018 17:50

YANBU Two of my nearest and dearest had close calls being in bike accidents. Neither was their fault.

DippyDiplodocus · 16/03/2018 18:10

I don't think you are BU to be concerned, however if it's something he wishes to do and pursue you can't really stop him.

Both DFiance and I have motorbikes, it's what brought us together in the first place. My dad has ridden bikes since the beginning of time as have most of the men on my side of the family. I have been brought up around them and so they don't really scare me. I find them really exciting and they're great fun to ride.

Yes, you have to be aware of the other idiots on the road. There are always going to be twat drivers, drivers who are glued to their phones, etc. You are taught to ride defensively and it is drilled into you that you have to act as though everyone on the road is out to kill you. With practice and training your DP will be a safe rider, I'm sure.

There is a risk but then there's a risk going out in the car or walking to the shops. You never know what's around the corner. I say let him follow his dreams! You only live once. He may find that he doesn't like it as much as he thought he would anyway. I know if it was something I really wanted to do, I would prefer to give it a go rather than never know.

AJPTaylor · 16/03/2018 18:15

yanbu.
last house was near a bypass. first sunny sunday of spring known as donor sunday locally. every middle aged man for miles got his bike out and hit the road. by lunchtime there was an ambulance scraping someone off the road.
its the only thing ive ever put my foot down over with dh and kids.

LakieLady · 16/03/2018 18:16

We have 4 motorbikes. I don't ride, but love riding pillion. I grew up with bikes, I was 4 the first time I rode on the back of one.

DP has been riding bikes for 41 years, including 13 years as a despatch rider in London, clocking up huge mileages. He had a few spills in the first year or two, and then a car hit him when the driver changed lanes without indicating and dislocated DP's hip (he's adamant that he would have been fine if he'd had a modern bike, as their brakes are so much better). But he has been accident-free for 38 years. He is the safest rider I have ever met and seems to have developed a spooky sixth sense, he seems to know if a driver hasn't spotted him and is going to pull out of a side road.

For me, there is nothing like the sheer exhilaration of tanking along a country road with long sweeping bends - it's fantastic fun.

However, if your DP hasn't ridden for a long time, I'd suggest that he gets a modest bike to start with until he gets his "bike sense" back. So many "born again bikers" go and get some superfast sports bike not realising how much faster they are than the bikes they rode years ago when they first learned, and I believe middle-aged men who have recently returned to biking after many years in a car.

And proper gear is vital. We wear kevlar jeans or leather trousers, we both have jackets with shoulder, elbow and back protection, proper tough boots, gloves with stout protection for fingers and top of the range crash helmets. You can even get leather suits with air bags built in that protect you if you crash.

If he really loves biking, and you can afford it (all that gear doesn't come cheap, and bikes aren't a cheap means of transport like they were when I was young, there's insurance, running costs etc to consider too) I think it would be mean to stop him.

Get a bike that's nice and comfy for a passenger and you might even get the bug yourself. We sometimes use the touring bike to go shopping, because it cuts through the traffic, can be parked almost anywhere and a week's shopping fits easily in the humungous panniers.

And if you want a taste of just how exciting, MotoGP is on BTSport2 all weekend. Thrills and spills, and you'll see how just how safe all the right gear can be, but bear in mind that these guys are the best few riders in the world and can practically defy gravity when it comes to ludicrous lean angles and getting the bike upright again.

This thread has got me all excited. It'll soon be warm enough for me to want to get out there again.

LakieLady · 16/03/2018 18:18

Should have read "I believe middle-aged men who have recently returned to biking after many years in a car are disproportionately represented in accident statistics".

InDubiousBattle · 16/03/2018 18:19

I've only ever known 8 bikers in my life, 5 gave up when they had children (one got another on retirement though), 2 gave up after small accidents really damaged them and the other died on his bike. One of my uni friends dad was a head injury specialist and he said he would forgive her anything, except getting on a motorbike.

YANBU at all. I'm afraid I would be of the 'over my dead body' mind set if dp wanted one. Fortunately he has no interest.

LakieLady · 16/03/2018 18:23

He could do a police course re motorcycle riding safety - lots of police forces offer this

Excellent idea. The courses are called Bike Safe, and are brilliant. They teach you so much about anticipation, maximising sight lines etc that they're invaluable, and only cost about £50.

PenguinDi · 16/03/2018 18:45

My DH has a motorbike (a beautiful Kawasaki cruiser) and I trust him on it and he is a good rider, both my dsd and myself will ride with him as pillion although not at the same time. Like other MNers have said they are safe in the right hands, wear the right gear and is protecting himself then it's ok. If it's been a while since he's ridden a bike I'd suggest some refresher lessons with a local school.

SoyYo · 16/03/2018 18:54

Absolutely 😳
Saying riding a bike is irresponsible wins you today's Biscuit

FYI the irresponsible road users are the car drivers who drive without due care and attn and cause bike accidents.

Not the other way round Hmm

Jon66 · 16/03/2018 19:04

By the time he has done his CBT and then does the training and test for his full licence he will probably change his mind! I did my bike test and rode for a few years, but a bloke pulling out of a side road made me realise my vulnerability. As I was sliding along the ground toward his front wheels I wondered who would look after my son if I didn't get out of this one. When I had recovered, both physically and got the money from the PI claim, I bought another bike, but it wasn't the same and I failed to enjoy it the way I did. It was quite amusing really, I was laying there in the middle of the road, and somebody shouted bloody hell, it's a girl! I was 35 so it was quite flattering.

SoyYo · 16/03/2018 19:07

Lakie I'm with you on the "born again bikers" unfortunately being the majority of casualties.
If OP's DH is in that category I concur that he should undertake proper rider training.
Like you looking forward to the riding season. We do a lot of runs/rallies in U.K. and always a long tour round Europe.
Like last year we're going to Spain later this summer. It's fabulous riding country and perfect weather on a bike 👌

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