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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think as a volunteer you shouldn't be spoken to like crap.

67 replies

user1472333009 · 16/03/2018 07:39

I've volunteer at a homeless place in winter for 4 years & really enjoy it.
Last night I was mopping up when the manger asked me why I was using that mop, apparently its only used for toilets, I had no idea. She followed it up with "you're spreading shite everywhere" this was said across a room in front of all the other elderly volunteers. I got my coat & left feeling very humiliated & upset.
This woman has a been quite abrupt with me a few time now but I've let it go

I definitely won't be going back to volunteer & it's put me off a wonderful place that does such good. One of their main things is promoting & encouraging confidence growth which i suffer with & this hasn't helped.

Surely you should be nice to volunteers or anyone!

Should I email her bosses & tell them or leave it.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 16/03/2018 08:18

I volunteer at a food bank and one lady there can be bossy and abrupt!
She's known for it apparently. I don't leave as it's mostly run by elderly people and I don't want to leave them to deal with some of the difficult clients on their own.
I just scowl at the woman or make s jolly comment when she's rude to me. Think people get. Series away with power.

Gabilan · 16/03/2018 08:20

That manager will soon struggle without volunteers, who (in my opinion) should be treated with greater respect than paid employees.

I manage volunteers. IMO both employees and volunteers should be treated with the same degree of respect. And personally I think I've become a better manager because I'm very dependent on volunteers and I know they could just walk out at any point if I don't get things right.

OP, as a manager, she does need to be able to correct you if you've done something wrong. However, that should not be done in front of other people. She should have taken you to one side and explained that you should have been using a different mop and why. No need for any animosity, just a quiet correction. I would email her manager and give instances of when she has been abrupt with you, particularly in front of witnesses.

It is very difficult to manage volunteers because, bluntly, sometimes they mess up and some volunteers feel as if they have the upper hand and cannot be corrected. I don't think that's what has happened here, I'm just giving an example of why managing volunteers can be difficult. It's a tricky relationship to get right but if volunteers make mistakes they do need to be corrected, respectfully and privately. The organisation also needs to consider if the mistake arose because of a lack of training.

Original poster
user1472333009 · 16/03/2018 08:23

I've never been given any training. I did say to her a few times that I had no idea I shouldn't be using that mop but she wouldn't listen. It was the end of the night so it was nearly time to go anyway.
It may seem relatively minor but to be told off & swore at in front off all the other volunteers. I swear but there's a time & a place.

We'd had such a god night too with lots of laughs, the other volunteers are so lovely & I've grown very fond of the people who come in & them me (I hope)
As I said she's snapped my head off In the past but I ignored it.

I could never work under that woman again!

OP posts:
Lobsterface · 16/03/2018 08:27

I’ve beeb working in the third sector for quite a while now (6 years) and this is not ok. Please take it further, explore other volunteering opportunities with the charity.

Orangettes · 16/03/2018 08:29

You were not over-sensitive, you were upset about being told off and humiliated in front of a room full of people. The manager needs training, because she should not be behaving like that and she should know that. She behaved like a bully and showed you no respect, you should report the incident whether you decide to stay or not, the manager needs to be retrained.

ButchyRestingFace · 16/03/2018 08:30

It may seem relatively minor but to be told off & swore at in front off all the other volunteers

When did she swear at you?

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 16/03/2018 08:30

My experience of volunteering has been that you often get the boring jobs that no one wants to do, or that what is expected of you is the same as the expectation of people who are paid. The advantage is that you can, as you did, walk away.

Kazzyhoward · 16/03/2018 08:30

The manager was wrong, but you are also wrong to flounce out.

hesterton · 16/03/2018 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedHelenB · 16/03/2018 08:32

No mention at all of the people you are supposed to be volunteering for or your fellow volunteers who had to pick up the slack.You didnt say she swore before. I still think you should have finished the shift

Gwenhwyfar · 16/03/2018 08:33

"The manager was wrong, but you are also wrong to flounce out."

She's not wrong to flouce out. If she doesn't want to be treated like that, she doesn't have to.

YoThePussy · 16/03/2018 08:34

OP, from your last post you clearly enjoy the voluntary work so maybe give them a ring today and tell them what happened or if you can’t face that email. It is such a shame to give up something you enjoy which is helping other so much. Obviously your decision but I wouldn’t let one person ruin everything there for me.

Gabilan is so right, paid and voluntary workers should be treated the same. That is professionally and politely though appreciate we are all human beings so have blips and off days. I have managed volunteers and been a volunteer myself. When the former I made a point of thanking each volunteer at the end of their shift for coming in and saying it was much appreciated. I did of course for paid staff as well.

You are the better person and I would go back (on my own terms) and carry on enjoying being with the other volunteers and doing the work.

ShortandAnnoying · 16/03/2018 08:38

When you say she swore was it the comment about "spreading shite"? To be honest I have worked in kitchens and things and that is the sort of language some people use. It doesn't sound that personal but maybe it was her tone of voice. But personally I might have tried to respond in kind. E.g. sorry about that I didn't realise it was the shite mop, I'll get the disinfectant.
It's great you have such a kind heart to volunteer but I think working in a homeless shelter you also need a bit of a thick skin and a sharp tongue sometimes.

DonkeyOil · 16/03/2018 08:40

When did she swear at you?

Some would consider shite a swear word. Not most of MN, obviously.

joanna987 · 16/03/2018 08:40

I think you were being treated very disrespectfully by an ignorant person with no manners sensitivity or respect for others.
I think that sometimes we need to move on to something new, and this could be an opportunity for you to volunteer somewhere else. You deserve better than this.

Kestant · 16/03/2018 08:40

We are ALL volunteers whether it is 'voluntary' work or not, treating people well is definitely 21st century.

MinaPaws · 16/03/2018 08:41

If you can face it, file a complaint. It would be very sad if you left a place you loved volunteering, which badly needs support form people like you because the manager lacks people skills.

Mrsmadevans · 16/03/2018 08:42

If she swore and shouted at you then you need to report her . This behaviour cannot be allowed to go on , she sounds like a disgusting bully. I hope you go back OP . I would have spoken to all the other volunteers to get their take on it and decided what to do with their help. Hope you are ok it is very upsetting being treated like this .

ButchyRestingFace · 16/03/2018 08:43

Some would consider shite a swear word. Not most of MN, obviously.

She used a fairly mild swear word to describe faeces, yes. It says so in the OP.

But OP subsequently said the woman swore “at” her. I can’t see where that happened.

80sMum · 16/03/2018 08:44

YANBU. The manager's behaviour was totally unacceptable.

You were using a mop that was designated for use only in toilet areas, in another area, so yes of course that should have been pointed out to you and you should have had it explained to you which mop to use in which area - but NOT in that aggressive manner!

lalalalyra · 16/03/2018 08:44

I manage volunteers. IMO both employees and volunteers should be treated with the same degree of respect. And personally I think I've become a better manager because I'm very dependent on volunteers and I know they could just walk out at any point if I don't get things right.

Couldn't agree more with this.

I'm the chair and manager of a volunteer run playscheme and after-school care and the volunteers deserve to be treated and spoken too exactly the same way that a decent boss would speak to a paid employee.

Becles · 16/03/2018 08:52

According to infection conyrol guidance OP was literally spreading shite if she was using a toilet mop in the kitchen.

Not sure why this is offensive or inappropriate to point out,particularly as they are dealing with clients with already high risks of susceptibilty to infection.

buttercup54321 · 16/03/2018 08:52

email her manager. xxx

Catmint · 16/03/2018 08:54

Sorry you had a bad experience OP.

Please don't let it put you off volunteering, as you obviously enjoy it very much and get something out of it for yourself, as well as helping the service users.

Is there a volunteer complaints procedure in place? It's like a grievance procedure, but for vols. It should tell you how you can raise a concern, either informally or formally.

If you possibly can, I think you should try and sort this out. Perhaps talk to another volunteer about how you felt, and ask them to support you in asking the woman for a meeting to talk it through, and ask about training, boundaries, code of conduct etc

Be the bigger person and use this to help the woman develop her volunteer management skills. Then you won't lose out on something you like doing.

Ps thanks for volunteering - volunteers make the world go round!

DonkeyOil · 16/03/2018 08:55

If a comment is aimed specifically at you, and contains a swear word, then I think you'd be justified in feeling you'd been sworn at. The op wasn't just overhearing a comment such as "this weather's really shite", which although it might offend someone who doesn't like swearing, couldn't be considered as being 'sworn at'.