To wish I hadn't meddled

[Midge1978]

Dd (6) has a best friend at school and the friendship is a bit toxic!!! Dd always talks about being bossed about and being "graded" by her friend according to how well she does as she's told. I've stayed out if it so far because I understand that she needs to develop the skills to deal with things herself. However this morning I had a discreet word with the school as dd had been anxious about a silly threat this girl had made. They had a word with dd but I'm wondering if they spoke to the friend too because she apparently wouldn't play with dd today so dd was on her own and sad. I feel like my interference has back fired on her. Did I do the right thing? Will it all blow over? I feel sick at the thought of her being alone at playtime

Tantrum I thought that...my DD's "mean friend" would say "You're not my best girl anymore"

Which was an odd phrase for a 5 year old...and made me think her own (cow) of a Mother said that to her. :(

I agree some children can be toxic even at the age of six. Encourage her to find different friends. Join a group like Brownies or Rainbows where she'll meet other girls her own age. Invite a different friend round to play and for tea. Let this girl move on and make somebody else's life a misery. And stop referring to her as your DD's friend when you talk about her. I'd tend to call her that not very kind girl what's her name again!

My dd1 is also 6 and we had an issue last year with a "best friend" who wasn't being very nice to her.

We spoke to the school (who were totally unhelpful but yours might be better), did some role-playing with a playmobil school set about how to react, and I started inviting some nicer girls over to play. It worked really well. Dd1 is still friends with the girl who was being unpleasant, but not "best friends" and the mean behaviour seems to have gone away now she has lost the control she previously had over her.

Thank you all for your support. I do worry about her bless her but it's good to know I've done the right thing. I'll up the ante with play dates although dd is shy and not the best at them, she's more likely to get better with practice.

Spoke to dd's teacher and she's going to do some general lessons on sticking up for yourself and being a good friend etc so that hopefully it will chime a bit with dd. She's going to separate them a bit more in class too to help dd mix more with others. Hopefully things will get better for her.

Role playing also helps OP. I used to play with DD at the same age and we'd imagine different scenarios and play them out.

I'd be the bully and she'd be herself....I'd do something or say something and DD would try out different reactions. Then we'd swap....we used to get silly with it too and have fun.