Aibu to feel bored and fed up of life?

[Dezzy2018]

That's just it really. I'm almost 31 and feel like I've completely stalled and stagnated. Lot of it related to my work and personal life. I love my job - it's interesting and fun and I'm doing ok to well in it - but it's precarious and more than that it's quite lonely. I often work alone or by myself for large parts of the year and when I work with others it's only a handful of other people.

As a result I feel quite lonely and bored. I have very little of a social life. Most of my friends are settled down and don't go out or do much.

I've started to just feel like there's very little point to anything.

Anyone?

I feel very much the same op, it's not been a good day. :-(

Get this book: how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. Changed my life.

I have days like this and just hope it will pass. Do you have any hobbies, holidays planned, anything to get excited about?

What is your social life like? When was the last time you did something for the first time?

I learn a language and I occasionally go out for dinner with friends and the cinema but other than that there is nothing I really do.

This may sound silly but do you go running OP? I did a couch 2 10K app 6 months ago and now I do my local Parkrun every Saturday morning. I look and feel better for it and there are always lots of friendly people there. I'd join a running club too if I had the time.

Sorry you're feeling this way. I felt much the same at your age to be honest. In fact I was really depressed for a few years. Then I had some counselling which really helped and was put on some really effective anti-depressants and I gradually started feeling happier. I met and married my husband at 37 and we've been married 5 years now. That's not the only thing that's made me happy though. I sing in a choir, go to a spinning class, go running, spend time with my nieces (adorable toddlers). It's really important to have hobbies!

Hope things start looking up for you soon!

Are you single? Can you face a move abroad?

I was in your shoes 12 years ago and bit the bullet.

Go out and help at a homeless shelter. Then have a good think about the meaning of life.

Oh dear! Not sure that last comment is very constructive or helpful actually.

I think 31 in a weird age - so many of my friends sort of went into middle-aged mode - having dinner parties and getting all homey. Plus there is the inevitable round of weddings… It can be grim!

I hit that and was feeling perhaps a little like you, so I started trying things that I had never done before to get some new spice in my life. I shook my life up.

I moved abroad (to Amsterdam - way hay!) , I learnt to ski (scary but fun!), I took up horse-riding (too scary!), I went to gigs, comedy clubs, visited friends (the ones in interesting places!), I "stole" friends dogs to take to the seaside, I borrowed kids to go to Thorpe Park…. In doing so, I met new people, extended my social life, made work a less major part of my life. Married a man who shouted at me on ski slopes!

It worked for me and it was bloody good fun once I had keeper my own reticence out of the way

It’s tough when you’re working out what is your actual purpose in life, and everyone else seems to have got it sorted.
No real advice, but do you want to settle down? Have a family?
I think it’s quite tough age, your 30s.
SendIng you my sympathies. I know how it feels! And I’m nearly 40

Thanks so much for the kind words. Yes I would love to settle down. I think much of my frustration is really a lack of social life and meeting new People. I feel like I hardly meet anyone new as I work alone a lot and I don't feel like going out to clubs or bars by myself. I do enjoy doing hobbies etc but they haven't really yielded any new friends or interesting conversations. It all seems a bit dull.

Have you tried the dog borrowing trick? A good looking dog is a man-magnet….

Just coming back to this as I'm hoping to get the book mentioned above today.

I haven't tried dog borrowing, don't know anyone with a dog. I'm not really into borrow my puppy but I'd love to get my own dog, maybe later this year. I worry about work though and that I might not have the time to commit.

It's terrible I really feel like life is passing me by and I'm just not sure how to change it. I just feel this all pervading sense of melancholy and apathy.

Have you tried Meetups OP. It might depend on where you live but you'll usually find some not far from you.
There is so much choice of groups with different interests and the people I've met through it were all single and wanting a better social life.

What meetups did you go to here? Sometimes there seems almost too much choice for me!

I really feel for you. I'd recommend getting a dog, they're so welcoming and wonderful friends! Also you need to find some hobbies. Can you volunteer for something? Sign up for a course? Check out Facebook groups to find out what might be local. You may not meet people to begin with but keep trying.

How about an organised/group/cultural holiday to a place which speaks the language you learnt?

Good luck

Yes it's all good advice. what courses would you recommend? I do do a language course and in the past I've done some dressmaking. But I think I don't do enough of it to make it sustained.

If what you really want is a social life and excitement then remember that the hobby / course is just a means to an end.

You have to go in there not thinking about learning dressmaking or serving food to the homeless but about how you are going to talk to everyone, get to know them, scour the local press for events coming up, invite potential friends along, do most of the organising at first. Repeat.

Do you know what your dream life would be like?

You might find that volunteering for something meaningful to you will give you a sense of purpose.

My friend and I were talking the loneliness of the late 20 early 3Os . There is something about that age

Op things can and do change . Don’t lose hope and start to think about both short term and long term actions

I know everyone says this but a career coach could help you shape things career wise and think about what to target as a more social role would definitely help

Get a part time job in a pub . You meet lots of people and get paid for doing it! I met both my ex husband and current partner while working in a pub. I suggested this to a newly divorced friend who married the pub manager! It gives you an opportunity to talk to people without any pressure and there are often social events .

Volunteering for sure.

I do live somewhere where people still sometimes say good morning to complete strangers in the street, nowhere fancy just a quite traditional old fashioned mill town.

How are you at conversing ? starting one and having a broad based knowledge of many things to open these conversations up is helpful. It makes a connection. Even something quite tenuous. If I met a plumber I have a plumbing incident I could recall that's quite funny it's just an opener and I'm sure plumbers don't expecially want to talk about stopcocks and non return valves all day. But it makes a small quick link.

I have become friends with a guy that runs a small independent shop. I made some display items for his Christmas window display and I pop in for a chat now and then.

Many of these small interactions are just that but some do lead to friendship.

Voluntary work might help with the connecting with people. I made some casual friends through church. Fundraising for local charity? Park run/walk or hiking group.
I don't think the job is a major issue. I think people over estimate how much genuine friendships come from work. Book clubs are interactive.

I totally agree with part time job in a pub. Ime clubs, night courses, volunteering etc don’t work because often friendships don’t follow out of them.