She read my payslip!

[BearsandHearts]

Please help me settle a crappy argument ! We were in work today talking about housemates. When id just graduated I lived with a girl I vaguely knew through uni. Anyway one night she told me we earned the same as she'd picked my wage slip up off the side and read it. I was furious but my colleague thought I'd overreacted! It was years ago but come on surely I'm not being unreasonable??

Well out of order if she opened it

Sorry, just read it was sealed. In that case CF and YANBU.

Because Jack'sgirl it's called the art of conversation and asking an opinion then discussing that opinion.

I wouldn't be able to muster up fury.

I'd think she was extremely strange and make a mental note not to trust her.

But fury would be a bit much tbh.

Honestly who cares if you share or if someone sees your payslip.
There’s no reason for secrecy around income. It’s honestky not healthy. I’d have asked about basic deductions and holiday pay etc.

For me the issue wouldnt be that she read it (if it was open and in plain view) but that she felt compelled to comment. Surely if you had seen something like that you would think "Oh, they earn more/less/the same as me..." and keep your nosiness to yourself.

However, as she had to actually open it, that is completely out of order. It could have been on her pillow with a chocolate mint and a red rose and she still had no right to open it.

Some victim blaming going on here

Is this the new " cancel the cheque " now? Keep seeing it everywhere.

Why is what you earn such a secret? I know what most of my friends earn as we talk about it. It's not a big deal.

You left it in full view

I don't tend to talk about it heron that's all. I think it was the fact she commented on it that riled me. I thought it was odd

Being honest, if you left it lying around in the communal area of the house, I'd have been unable to resist peeking. But unlike you're friend I'd have been too embarrassed to admit that, so I would have had to have pretended I didn't know! Your friend sounds quite innocent of the 'etiquette' of not reading people's pay slips, but she is less disingenuous than most who'd probably read it but never let on that they had.

NOW I am old enough and wise enough to know that I'm better off not knowing and for that reason only I wouldn't look but in my younger years, with flatmates, I'd have been tuned in only to curiosity, no wisdom at all !

In full view, in a closed envelooe

I would be livid. My financial situation is my business, and mine alone. I think it would be understandable if you had left your pay slip on the communal coffee table, and she picked it up, but to open a sealed pay-packet is unforgivable in my view.

she was out of order opening a sealed payslip, even if it had been left on a table.

Some victim blaming going on here

please don't use that term for something like this. 'It's not a catch all term, its offensive to trivialise/

I would not be happy with this.

Im very private about what i earn in real life as it tends to shock people and result in sarcy remarks

The advantage of having an extremely nosey mother is that you learn not to leave things lying around. If you were from a more healthy household though then you wouldn’t even imagine it was a ‘thing’ so YANBU.

I do remember my mum reading post if you left it open on the side.

I once wrote “nosey cow” on a letter i had opened but put back in the envelope on the side and she moaned at me for it!

Not ideal but if you left it on show I can kinda see how she did it!

And if she left it in a sealed envelope?

I would be pretty outraged by a flatmate deliberately opening a sealed envelope addressed to me even if I'd left in a communal area. I can't get outraged by people knowing salaries though.

BakerBear
Mine used to regularly open and resell my post, and rummage through my bin as well and search my room. I kept a fake diary for a while, and I would often lie about stuff to her purely because she was so nosey and controlling (so it was extremely counterproductive). I’ve used it as a model of what not to do as a parent!

*reseal

@BakerBear

I do remember my mum reading post if you left it open on the side.

I once wrote “nosey cow” on a letter i had opened but put back in the envelope on the side and she moaned at me for it!

I cannot believe this! I did EXACTLY the same thing once to MY mom who always looked at my stuff. She went fucking batshit, and said I was a horrible bitch for leaving a nasty message. Silly moo would not have SEEN the message if she wasn't such a nosey old bat!

@BearsAndHearts

If she opened it, then of COURSE she is out of order and nosey.

If you had just left it lying there, then she is nosey, but it's kind of your fault for leaving it. If someone's payslip was sitting (on view) on 'the side,' I would have looked, I'm not gonna lie.