Birthday party RSVP

[mybad]

Dd1 got a birthday party invite last week that conflicted with another birthday party that I had already RSVPd. So I didn't respond to the new invite as I thought (perhaps wrongly) that's what you do.

Mum came over to me after school yesterday to double check dd1 was still coming as she had been paid for and would now lose money. She wasn't angry, and I genuinely feel bad having to tell her we wouldn't be able to come. I even offered her the money which she refused.

Did I make a mistake by not RSVPing to say I wouldn't be there? I want to avoid making the mistake again in future. First DC, first school and I'm new to the whole birthday party every weekend thing. I want to try hard not to annoy anyone else going forward, but does everyone message even if they are not able to attend??

Thanks for any replies

Rsvp is for both positives and negatives, you should have RSVPd.

I’ve already replied to an earlier thread, sorry.

Yes you should absolutely message to let them know you can't attend. That being said the mum was a bit silly in paying for your DD without knowing for definite you were coming.

Ahhhh, thank you. I do feel terrible

Lesson learned, thank you for replies

Yes it is polite to RSVP if you can't attend. Most don't, which is very frustrating.

You should have RSVPd but I don't think you should feel bad that the other mum already paid because I think she should have checked first and not just assumed your DD was coming

Really?? Of course you reply to say whether you can or can't attend a party.

RSVP literally means "please reply". So you must reply. You know for next time.

As a host, you've no idea if no reply means can't come or lost the invitation or text message went astray. MN wisdom says you have to assume non-responders will turn up, possibly with two or three hellbeast siblings so it's worthwhile chasing to be sure.

If DD likes the child this might be a good prompt to have birthday child round to play at some point so that the children don't miss out on seeing each other and birthdaymum can be reassured it was pure logistics and nothing more complicated.

Of course you say if you can’t attend Isn’t that what you’d do if you got an invitation as an adult and you couldn’t go? You wouldn’t just ignore it would you? You politely decline.