Tax Credits situation -AIBU?

[Nolongerwithauser]

I earn 23k a year and have schoolaged 3dcs. Work full time so use wrap around childcare and holiday childcare plus my parents. I have one child FT (won't go to his dads more on that later) and the two younger ones from pick up at school Tuesday until 6pm on Saturdays.

ExH was extremely abusive (physical and financial) so I had to leave my house with the police and not go back. Have been in private rented since.

ExH is completely tight. He has never given maintenance and threatened me into signing over the youngest child's Child Benefit or he would go for full residence. So for 13 quid a week, I did it.

Now Tax Credits have said I have to prove youngest lives with me. I have sent them everything, red book, birth certificates, her paediatricians letters, school trips I pay for, her hobbies, letter from school etc, my divorce petition stating assaults and the vulnerable housing scheme we were placed in when I left (to prove why I let ExH coerce the child benefit from me). They even asked for food bills for her.

ExH wouldn't qualify for tax credits for her, her earns above the threshold.

AIBU to be shitting it? I have huge amounts of monthly debts to pay for (for my masters) and a high rent. I rely on those tax credits but I'm so close to saying to them, have the tax credits for DD. I won't claim for her. I feel like a criminal and it's making me not sleep. We don't live in luxury at all but I could stop DS1's school guitar lessons and DS2's football and DD's gymnastics I guess. They are the only things I can think of that I can drop. I shop at Aldi and budget well.

Firstly, he would not get full residence! He has no chance, not with that history so that was a huge mistake. Call up the benefit office and make a counter claim for the child benefit. They can then decide who should get it.

Then, call the child maintenance service and start a claim. He needs to be paying you.

If he does anything - if he even calls you then you call the police.

You're out of the relationship but you're still letting him control you - you're still paying for everything while he steals money you need. There's a history. The police will help you if it comes to it. You can involve social services when for his parenting. There are many many options but do not let him away with any of it.

Sorry, eldest child won't see Ex at all due to abuse as he wmembers it. Youngest two were only 5&3 so didn't witness much. Meant to add that.

I don't want to rock the boat. I'm too scared too. He really scares me and I don't want to do anything to antagonise him. I don't really have much faith in the police tbh. They removed me from the marital home, did a multi agency risk assessment, installed some alarms and left me to it.

I think you need to put in to switch CB into your name tell him you will send him the £16 per week he is getting...

OP have you had contact with WA and were you assigned a DV advocate when you left your ex? You need to start pulling in some other services to help you negotiate all this, DV doesn't necessarily stop when you leave sadly and you need some support to deal with his continued abuse of you

Then there's not really anything you can do. They might decide to give you the tax credits, they might not. Nothing you can really do about it so make some plans just in case.

I don't want to sit here and tell you to stand up and do what needs to be done. He should be paying you. He shouldn't be taking your child benefit. He can't get at you now; if he made any moves then you call the police and you keep calling and keep calling. They'd come see what was going on just to get you off the phone.

With your history, you might have cause for a restraining order and if he then violated it, you'd be in a great position to have something more done then. The police are taking domestic violence and harassment more and more seriously.

The money he's keeping from you in maintenance payments and child benefit is coming straight out of your kids pockets but no one can make you fix that.

I hope they don't take the tax credits away from you.

Yes I had an IDVA and rape crisis were involved too.

He would never agree to signing the child benefit back to me. If I counter claimed I'm genuinely concerned what he would do in retaliation. It's all about control, if he thinks he's in control things are quiet. Surely tax credits will understand this?

But why should you care about how he feels? There are people and places who will help you.

He doesn't deserve to have you bend to his demands. You did the hard part- you got away. So many woman don't have that strength yet, but you did it. That is a huge huge deal for you. After all that, why let him keep control over you this way when you have so many other options? He shouldn't have that.

Of course you don't want, and going up against him is terrifying but if you're going to end up debt ridden then you might have too. If you can't, then start making plans for living without the money. Hopefully they will give you it; you could always contact your MP for help too.

Thing is what he's doing is continuing abuse, he might not be physically hurting you anymore but he's still controlling you by fear and financially abusing you which is why I'm wondering whether bringing support services back in might be the way to go.

If they can put enough protection in place that you feel safe enough to claim the CB back then tax credits have no quibble do they? His abusive behaviour is the root cause of this problem and, quite apart from the tax credits thing, it's utterly unfair that you're still not free of him and having to live in fear of what he might do.

He should be paying you CM. How is it fair for your kids to have to give up their hobbies because your ex is a prick? Please look into it. I'd probably be applying for full custody as well in your situation, he sounds like a very bad influence.