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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Don't know where else to post this....

14 replies

newnamechange1 · 14/03/2018 16:18

I'm pregnant with dc3. 2 previous dcs to my ex. Met someone new and now married.

When me and the ex split, he moved 120 miles away. I was on my own for 2 years before meeting dh. Ex always struggled with the fact I've moved on.

Anyway pregnant with dc3. Didn't plan on telling my ex straight away but I had too as I was in hospital a lot at the start of my pregnancy and dcs were staying with my mum. Ex would ring to speak to the kids and I explained to him I was in hospital and he would need to ring my mum to speak to them.

After a week he messaged me asking why I was in hospital so much and I thought I couldn't lie so told him I was pregnant. I got no response. I didn't think much of it tbh. I wasn't expecting a congrats message of anything.

Fast forward to now and the dcs now know I'm pregnant and are so excited. They each have a scan pic and they've taken it to school, to dance lessons, everything. They've shown it to everyone. They literally are the happiest kids on the planet right now :-)

They are spending this weekend coming with their dad and have already said they are taking the pictures of the baby to show dad and his family (ex still lives at home with his mum and dad). They obviously don't see it as a problem, they are very young. I tried to get them to leave the picture here but they are absolutely adamant they have to take them.

I messaged him earlier to say the dcs know about the baby and they want to show him the picture and tell him all about it and was he ok with that. I've still had no response from him and I know he won't reply. Maybe I was wrong for doing that? I don't know. I sort of thought I'd get a 'yeah no problem' reply

Now I don't know what to do, should I let them take the pictures? I don't want to rub my ex nose in it. Either way they are going to mention it to him because they are so excited and they cannot help that. We split up over 5 years ago and he's in a relationship as far as I'm aware.

I think it's probs best the kids don't take the pics as upset as they will be. I know his whole family are
really happy as they've commented on my fb baby announcement post.

I spoke to my friend earlier though who said let them take the pics, who cares what he thinks. It was years ago now and he needs to move on. And he should be happy that his kids are so happy.

I just want to tread carefully as me moving on has affected his relationship with the kids in the past. When I told him I had met someone new, he hardly spoke to them. Same when I introduced dh to the kids and same when we got engaged and married. He never rings to ask how they are or anything. He won't answer if we ring either.

So I dunno, what does everyone think? Soz for the waffling. I do realise this isn't a massive deal either. I just don't want to upset dcs if I don't have too.

OP posts:
PrettyLittIeThing · 14/03/2018 16:51

Hmm I wouldn't send it. I actually think is a little bit odd.

HateSummer · 14/03/2018 16:56

Tbh, I would never let my children take my scan pics along to school or dancing. Can’t believe you allowed that.

You’re the adult here. It’s good the children are happy, but just tell them they’re not taking the scan pictures. What are they going to do? Sulk for a few minutes and forget about it. Messaging your ex was really silly. Just be an adult and take control.

newnamechange1 · 14/03/2018 16:57

So do I tbh but it's just the dcs are so excited and what to share it with everyone they can.

I think I'll just have to explain that they need to stay at home as I don't want them to lose it etc etc. They won't be happy but I'll just have to think of something. I might say I'll go out and buy them frames for the pictures this weekend so I need them to stay here.

They have both slept with them every night since they found out by their pillows. Kissing it good night etc etc.

I just didn't expect them to be so happy and so attached to the baby already. It's amazing how happy they actually are.

I just hope the ex isn't funny with them because of it. Scan picture or not, I can't stop them talking about it.

OP posts:
newnamechange1 · 14/03/2018 16:58

Its a photo printed of the scan . Not the actual scan picture. I'm not that stupid.

OP posts:
SundaySalon · 14/03/2018 16:59

I really don’t think you should let them take it. Like you said they will be chatting about it all weekend anyway, there’s no need to take your scan picture. How old are they?

Congratulations Flowers

PrettyLittIeThing · 14/03/2018 16:59

Tbh, I would never let my children take my scan pics along to school or dancing. Can’t believe you allowed that.

I agree with this tbh. I don't think that many people are interested tbh, especially a 3rd baby. How old are they? They can be excited and tell people but don't see why they have to show the scan pic? It's all very odd. I can see why your ex isn't interested in seeing it.

user7680 · 14/03/2018 17:00

There’s no need to take the pics there at all. Just tell the kids no?

Aprilmightmemynewname · 14/03/2018 17:04

Why should a grown up be allowed to dampen their own dc's excitement? He needs to grow up if he can't support their joy!!

PrettyLittIeThing · 14/03/2018 17:06

They can tell him he just doesn't need to see the pics? It's her EX and they are obviously not on good terms.

branstonbaby · 14/03/2018 17:07

I don't see the OP is being given a hard time about the kids having a copy of the scan. Why not? My kids were so super excited about #3 and #4. They told everyone and asked to show everyone the picture. Why wouldn't they?

I can see exactly where you are coming from OP, and I wouldnt want to dampen the kids happiness is any way. They shouldn't have to curb their behaviour for him. He is their father, an adult and needs to handle himself accordingly.

FabulouslyFab · 14/03/2018 17:09

I think it’s lovely that they have scan photos to show off. All the same your idea of leaving them at home and getting the framed is very good - hope it works without too many sulks! 💐

SleepFreeZone · 14/03/2018 17:11

Bless you, I’m so pleased your DC are excited 😍

newnamechange1 · 14/03/2018 17:14

It's a copy of the scan, not an original. And I think it's great. They can't stop looking at it and if anything it's helped them bond with the baby. Rather than just prodding and poking my tummy.

Eldest is 8, you best 6. Eldest has special needs so is more like a 5 year old in some ways. He is unbelievably excited which is why this is such a big deal for us. We were so worried it would be too much for him. He's never shown interest in babies before. His happiness and reaction to it has just been indescribable if I'm honest. People can have heir opinion on the scan and that's fine. For us it was the right thing and it worked.

I'll do the frame idea. It's not so much dd that will be upset, it will be ds and his needs but I'll be firm.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 14/03/2018 17:14

Up to you, OP.
I wouldn't be concerned with the ex though. He sounds like a petulant prick. His loss if he chooses to reduce contact with the kids-that's not within your control.

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