how to support a close friend going through divorce

[rocketgirl22]

If you can make some suggestions and/or share your experience on how to support someone through a divorce? I don't know where to start to help her, it has come completely out of the blue

Gin.

Be there to listen, expect her to have good days and bad. Practical help with sorting out paperwork/claiming benefits (if appropriate).
Take your lead from her.........

That is just so lovely of you to post. In my experience, just being there and being happy to include her and her kids in social plans that involve families is really nice, as suddenly being with out an h can be quite socially isolating. Good on you for being so lovely x

I have been taking her lead, and she is in shock and doesn't know what to do.
I have no knowledge of divorce proceedings whatsoever.
I will listen of course, and yes the gin is going down well for both of us :)

I plan to take the dc out of easter, and I can help as much as I can. In all honesty I am shocked as she is, as I have known her for 30 years and him for 22!

Realise that she will probably go over and over everything endlessly. And she can’t help it. She isn’t wallowing. Just trying to understand something that is beyond understanding

I felt often that people were just bored with me repeating the same things over and over. But it’s a way of dealing with things and we can’t help it.
Lots of people seem to think that you should be over it, after a certain time scale, but everyone is different

Ask around and see if you can find the best. Lawyer in the area.
You can actually do the divorce online
It cost around 800 .
The cost will come with sorting out the finanation stuff and if there are children under 18.
Also get her a Dr. So they document how this has be affecting her and kids .

The person who supported me best through me divorce was the one who let me cry, shout, scream, say the same old shit 5000 times and just kept listening. She was also a voice of reason - never supported any suggestion to do anything rash (like run away with the children, or stop him seeing the children, that kind of thing) but did try to give solutions that were in the best interests of everyone. She lent me her husband when things fell apart in the house and I was incapable of dealing with the stress of it (ie. finding a plumber) and then helped me to become more self sufficient by putting in place a good insurance policy (Homecare with British Gas, for example), and draw up a list of tradesmen we knew we could trust. She ridiculed my ex when I needed her to (we have a few choice, hilarious names for him!) and she has put my eldest child right when he hit the teens and wanted to blame me! She made me read pages of 'what constitutes abuse' on the Internet and pointed out the similiarities to my situation (because I tried for a long time to believe my ex was a good man) and made me tea when I couldn't face eating. I love her dearly for the support she gave me and I sincerely hope she knows how much I valued her then and continue to value her now, even though I don't need her in the same way.

Tell them they can vent on messaging apps/phone to you at any hour and you aren't going to judge however hysterical they are. Speaking for myself alone and upset at night or 3am the temptation is to contact the ex and rant or beg. It's emotionally overwhelming at times. If you can divert all that to a friend it helps keep things on an even sane keel come daylight, as the practical things play out.

They may be terrified. They may have to move out of their home or watch the house be partially gutted if the other party moves. It's a horrible thing to go through. Comfort, hug, support. You sound like a great friend.