A year behind at school "probably won't catch up" AIBU to think child is being failed?

[LittleOwl153]

Parents evening this week. After alot of prodding teacher informed my that dd is a year behind in maths and 6months or so behind in writing (yr4 so working at yr3 maths and beginning yr4 writing now).
I asked what they were doing and what we could do to support her catching up and was told that she probably won't ever catch up. I was so stunned by this that I didn't ask further though I do plan to go back and ask more.

I've known she is behind in maths for a while - but not writing. School, seem to have a policy of telling parents that they are progressing/Not progressing but not actually where they are in relation to peers/curriculum expectations. I have asked before for extra work or details of what they are short of so j can support but just get told to work on Times tables (which she is ok at and does work on at home along with reading/spelling).

So am I unreasonable in thinking that at 8yrs old a child should not be written off? That there must be something that can be done to assist her to catch up and that catching up is a reasonable expectation? I can't imagine what the SATS in yr 6 are going to do to her if she is a year or so behind at that stage.

Raaaaaah Believe me, it is often actually the case in many situations I work with.
They are usually SEN or SpLD issues though.
OP I would insist to speak to the senco again, the teacher again, insist they put measures in to place and get answers. If she is a year behind they need to be giving her support.

I'd arrange to see the teacher again and explain that you'd like to support her but the feedback from them needs to be a lot more specific and helpful.

If you're in the position to get a tutor/second opinion, it might be worth getting hold of an experienced teacher of that year group to unpick the situation for you. They should be able to tell you if there are gaps to work on, she needs a different approach or if she just lacks the ability to be average.

If she's very young for her year group, it wouldn't be unusual for the age to be the issue - the gap will eventually close if that's the case.

Icthink what the teacher was trying to say is that at the moment your DC's cognitive development is at a stage where she cannot progress further how ever much work she does.

I don't think they are writing her off. They just mean she will continue progressing slightly behind her peers.

You could try "fixing" that with a tutor. I used to work as a tutor and a lot can be achieved or you can allow her to continue of at her own pace. She will get there eventually.

The worst thing you can do is make her feel stressed or aware of being behind. One reason tutors can help is that it is an independent person who is not emotionally involved so won't get upset when the child isn't progressing.

It isn't always possible to catch up. It sounds like she is struggling in these areas but you think that she can actually begin to work at an even faster rate than her peers.

Start being pleased with making progress. When you speak about catching up then you're automatically making harmful comparisons.

In terms of the hypermobility, is that a definite diagnosis and have you looked into the associated conditions which might affect learning? At age 8 most of dd's issues were learning related rather than pain related. In terms of handwriting OT can help - although looks as if we might be going laptop route. Are there sensory issues? Sitting in the right spot in class can transform the experience. More specifically does she have visual stress? Get her to look at this you tube clip. Tell her that it is exaggerated but these are ways in which some people see words change and does she ever see words and letters move. If she does then overlays and coloured paper might help and ultimately we found that Irlens glasses were the game changer for us. As well as reading they also help with maths. Dd could do maths verbally but as soon as she wrote it down she would copy things incorrectly because they would move around so 56 would become 65 and the answer would be wrong. It didn't matter how carefully she did it. Glasses also sorted out things like headaches, travel sickness etc.

Unfortunately because she probably isn't too far behind you will need to do the bulk of the investigation. Plus these inteventions don't come cheap but if you look at some of the associated hypermobility conditions you might get a clue as to which way to set off in. Your daughter's experience could be different to ours but certainly hypermobility can mean a lot more academically than messy handwriting.

Oh and mystudybar.com also helps with overlays on the screen.

OP I had exactly the same with my daughter. I knew she had gaps in maths but teachers kept saying no she's fine, in the middle of the range, etc.
in the end it took a standardised national test (we are not in uk) to show that she was a long way behind.
We paid for a tutor for three terms who went back to basics and identified the missing 'Links'. My daughter is now in extension maths. I believe some very poor teaching and assessing had gone on prior to this.
It is highly possible and happens regularly that a child can just be missing a couple of essential "building blocks" in maths and that can mean they then can't build on those ideas so they are not able to progress.
Go with your gut you are right not to let it slide for too long.

I'm dyslexic and was behind my peers when I was younger. I had a tutor for an hour or so every week from yr 3 to yr 6 to bring me up to speed. My parents also spent a lot of time helping me catch up. I used to have the English and maths work books that you get in Waterstones and every Sunday evening I would do as much as I could in 5 minute intervals over an hour or so while my dad played the countdown music when time was running out. It turned learning into more like a game than a chore, and it didn't matter how much is done as long as what I had done I had got right.
I got good GCSES and a levels and have got a degree.
Try not to fret she will catch up if you help her to!

I was a few years behind in primary hearing impairments and missed chunks of school for medical reasons.
I kept plugging away at school trying my best but struggled alot. As an during, the I've been successful in many ways and caught up* (in some cases doing better than the top of the class peers) but my confidence took a battering through the school system.

To quote 'if you judge a fish my it's ability to climb a tree it will be classed as a failure'
We all have many strengths but the educational curriculum only values some things, it only judges your ability to do things in a narrow way to meet set targets in a set way.
Sometimes we are just not ready, or the method doesn't suit our way of learning. The UK curriculum is too much too young. Sometimes when we are ready it all makes sense

If she gets the right support then she should be able to catch up. I've taught lower ks2 for a number of years and some of the children I've taught have made amazing progress by the time they reached Year 6, in some cases I would never have believed it possible.

I'd pester the school/teacher to provide you with the areas in which she is struggling so that you can provide extra support at home - there are some excellent apps/games for children, we've used this in the past at school www.sumdog.com/en/parent/. The BBC also have a lots of good games. They should be marking her progress against the end of year expectations so should be be able to give you a copy of this to help identify the areas in which she's struggling most.

I would also be asking what support they're putting in place for your DD at school in terms of intervention groups. If she is so far behind then I would expect this to have been flagged up and for her to be provided with extra support. At the school I work at we have numerous intervention groups running before school and during the school day. These vary termly but we are asked by the deputy head to provide a list of children who we feel would benefit by attending.

See the class teacher first and then if you're still not happy ask to discuss it with the deputy/head.

whirlwind i have skimmed this thread (, im having a coffee at end of a busy nightshift ) but i wanted to say my friends ds had trouble with retaining information and after much persistence with the school she finally got a diagonosis of working memory problems . She had to fight like hell mind to get them to listen to her. He was always in the bottom sets, called himself stupid and thick.
He is in secondary school now and getting good support and has just moved up a spelling group which he was over the moon about .

I'd find a better school TBH.

The school should be doing interventions to help your dd with the areas she is struggling with as any good school would.

My son has hand writing/typing and fine motor skills for his hyper mobility and on the other hand he has intervention for his maths as he is working a year ahead in that.

I was written off at the end of primary. My DM was told that I was a lovely girl but would never amount to anything academically. I have 2 degrees (one from a foreign university), a masters and a professional qualification.

Some children learn at a different pace and come into their own at different times. I see this with my DC. My DS was a nightmare and consistently at the bottom of the class until about 6 months ago. He has risen through the sets miraculously in the last six months and is now top set for everything. My DD has always been around the top of the class. They have been treated the same but DS found it difficult to concentrate until recently.

It’s hard to remain calm when one of your DC is not doing well at school but progress is not necessarily linear. In your position, I would hire a good tutor if you can and get an independent assessment.