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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel upset and entirely offended?

31 replies

LittleMissPassiveAggressive · 13/03/2018 22:21

A friend of mine has lost something in her home. She feels that the item may have been stolen as she can't find it and has had many people in her house since she saw it last.
Unfortunately, I was in her home around the time of its disappearance. Now, instead of asking me if I'd seen the item or even if I had TAKEN said item, my friend has taken to accusing me of stealing it but in a very sly and backhanded way. She says that she suspects every single person that had been in her home since she saw it last. Which would include yours truly.
I'm so offended! If this friend knew me at all she would know that I hadn't and wouldn't ever do anything so awful!
I want to ask her if she outright thinks it was me but don't know how to say it.
This has already massively affected my relationship with her. I understand that she's upset that something has potentially been taken from her home, I'd be upset too, but to accuse someone that you count as a close friend wouldn't even cross my mind.
I don't know what to do. I want to tell her about herself but I also don't want to lose her as a friend.

Please, any advice would be very much appreciated.

Thank you

OP posts:
Yarboosucks · 13/03/2018 22:23

Say what you said hear to her….

LanguidLobster · 13/03/2018 22:24

I understand it would upset you, but her mind's confused at present. Has she definitely not misplaced it?

Has she spoken to the police?

mumgointhroughtorture · 13/03/2018 22:25

She obviously isn't as bothered about losing your friendship so what have you got to lose?

ButteredScone · 13/03/2018 22:25

My first advice: don’t be offended. Taking offence is for little people, snowflakes and needy types. Never be offended.

Second: she is a loon. Focus on that instead and take a step back. Just treat this as an unpleasant episode that the she needs to get over.

SharronNeedles · 13/03/2018 22:25

Just ask her if she thinks it's you

Original poster
LittleMissPassiveAggressive · 13/03/2018 22:27

She has looked high and low at home.
Obviously I do understand that she's upset, of course, I would be too, but I feel like addressing this so upfront would cause more friction that there already is.
I do need to just bite the bullet and say it to her, I guess I'm just worried about it all going sour.
She's said she's contacting the police, I said I'd be there for her/ go to the station with her but I don't know if she has.

OP posts:
whywhywhywhywhyyy · 13/03/2018 22:29

What exactly did she lose?

Pleasebeafleabite · 13/03/2018 22:29

Jeremy kyle is your friend here

Original poster
LittleMissPassiveAggressive · 13/03/2018 22:30

It was an item of jewellery which meant a lot to her. Not a family heirloom but something that she worked hard to get for herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMissPassiveAggressive · 13/03/2018 22:30

Haha! Yeah, I'll get on Judge Rinder too!

OP posts:
ClemDanfango · 13/03/2018 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LittleMissPassiveAggressive · 13/03/2018 22:33

I suggested getting the police involved from the moment that she mentioned that something had gone missing and she couldn't find it at home.

OP posts:
WinnieFosterTether · 13/03/2018 22:34

I'm confused why you're waiting for her to ask you specific questions. Just volunteer the information ie when you saw it, if you saw it, anything else you remember.
Don't be insulted. If it was stolen from her home, then it was taken by someone she trusted so it's not odd that she is reconsidering everything and everyone.

Branleuse · 13/03/2018 22:36

shes lost something precious to her and is probably not feeling great about the fact she doesnt know which of her friends has stolen from her.
I dont think you need to make it all about you.

AnyFucker · 13/03/2018 22:36

You sound like you are protesting a bit too much to me

She said she suspected everybody that has been in her home. Why are you taking it so personally ?

Original poster
LittleMissPassiveAggressive · 13/03/2018 22:38

I told her that I hadn't seen it.
I've been the victim in the past with this sort of thing so I know that it's upsetting to think that someone that you trust would do something like that to you.
I know I shouldn't wait for an outright accusation, but I'm unsure about how to broach the subject without our relationship being damaged beyond repair.
I'll be genuinely devastated if she says "Yes, actually, I think it was you"
I'm just torturing myself

OP posts:
Bazzle · 13/03/2018 22:41

I'm literally shocked that you consider this person a close friend. No actual friend would do this!
If I were you I'd end the friendship immediately - be by accused of stealing is awful.

ButteredScone · 13/03/2018 22:41

Seriously, just tell her it wasn’t you. Then change the subject. That’s it.

ClemDanfango · 13/03/2018 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bazzle · 13/03/2018 22:42

The police really won't have time for someone who lost some jewellery in their own home tbh.

ClemDanfango · 13/03/2018 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sara107 · 13/03/2018 22:52

My mil lost a necklace and accused my dh of stealing it. In her mind t was the only possible thing that could have hàppened. Necklace was gone, he was the only one who had been in the house. 3 months later she found it, exactly where she had put it. But it was incredibly hurtful to be accused, so I do feel sorry for you op.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 13/03/2018 22:57

Does she have the type of ‘friends’ that would steal something? I could leave my friends in a room full of bank notes and know that every single bank note would be there when they left.

Any very small children been to visit? They might have taken it...it might be in a bag or pocket.

Chances are it’s down the back of the sofa or attached itself to a pice if clothing or something.

It’s something she bought herself she can claim on her insurance & replace it. At least it doesn’t have any sentimental value.

Gemini69 · 13/03/2018 23:13

why does she have a circus of people traipsing through her home ?

ladypippa · 13/03/2018 23:25

If you didn't take it (and I believe you didn't!) then tell her to get the police.

When I worked at a restaurant many years ago, money kept going missing, and long story short, I became aware that I was being accused of it behind my back. I kept seeing tenners lying around, (so they could see if I would take them,) and I kept getting searched (when no-one else appeared to be) and the area manager was very hostile towards me.

This one time, £200 went missing from the safe, and a staff member said to me one day 'Pippa, I have to tell you this, Mel and Dan (the area manager and restaurant manager) think you have been stealing from the company, and that you took the £200.' I was so enraged and upset, as I had done nothing wrong and taken nothing.

So. I went to the assistant manager (as the manager was not in,) and said 'I am calling the police... as I believe I am being accused of stealing.' And I picked up the phone to ring them. The assistant manager ripped the phone out of my hand and said 'NOOOOOOOOO! DON'T. No need to be so hasty! We don't think it's you.' With a Blush look on her face.

Long story short, it emerged some weeks later that it was the assistant manager taking the money..........

So I would say insist the police are called.

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