I know my own mind! AIBU to push for a hysterectomy despite being childless and 30?

[Squatternut]

I have adenomyosis and possible endometriosis. My reproductive system rules my life. I’m on morphine for the pain. I’ve tried multiple pain medications, every hormonal therapy and even alternative therapies - and I don’t even believe in them!

I don’t want children, never did and never will. I’d possible like to foster one day. I’m 29, nearly 30. I’m sick of being patronised and people assuming that I’ll change my mind about children.

I have private health insurance and with a push, reckon I could get covered for a hysterectomy. To be honest, I’m so beaten down that I’m willing to pay for it.

So sorry to hear you are suffering so much. Of course YANBU.

You shouldn't have to pay for it privately and of course YANBU. But you know, you're a woman, so not to be trusted with any decisions.

I had mine at the age of 42 for similar conditions, also being childfree by choice. It released me from years of pain and was a great decision. Mine was covered by my private health insurance - it cost about 6k in total.

You are the only one who can judge whether there is any possibility of later regret about the fertility aspect. I haven't, but realistically I'd have been at the tail end of my fertility anyway - slightly different for you as you're not at that stage yet.

If I could go back in time and have it done 10 years earlier, I would, as I feel as though a huge chunk of my life was blighted by escalating pain. Only you can ultimately decide what's best for your quality of life.

Of course yanbu

I was in your situation, I tried many treatments to control my pain and bleeding and none worked. I requested a hysterectomy at 32 from the NHS, was fully supported by my GP as she had been treating me for over 10 years. My operation was agreed by a fantastic consultant and carried out last February.

It has changed my life! I did want children and tried to conceive for 10 years unsuccessfully, I do struggle with the finality of the operation but I know that it was the right thing for me and has given me a full and active life.

If you’ve explored all the options and feel it’s right for you then meet a consultant and discuss it - or at least put the feelers out with your GP.

I hope you get the result you want xx

Sorry I fell asleep really early last night. Well, knocked out from the pain meds.

Thank you! My family think I’m crazy and irrational and it’s too final to end my fertility in this way. I think it’s crazy and irrational to be this unwell if there is a solution.

I had mine at 36 for very similar medical reasons (and with private health cover as NHS wouldn’t cover it) and it has truly changed my life. The lightness and freedom are impossible to describe if you haven’t lived through it.

The big difference is that I had DS (miracle baby but both of us nearly didn’t make it due to my reproductive system). I wouldn’t entertain the possibility of risking it a second time. My view was that there was no point in hanging onto a reproductive system that can’t be used anyway, it was an illusion of fertility not the reality. As a PP says, only you know your own mind on children and only you can make the decision, but I have never regretted mine, not for one single second.

You are not being unreasonable at all and I have a lot of respect for anyone that considers fostering. Could you try exaggerating your feelings there? People seem to struggle with the idea that a woman might not want to have children.

In your situation I would probably make a big fuss about not believing in bringing more children into the world when there are so many in need of a home.

For some reason a lot of people accept personal beliefs more easily than decisions on children so I'd tell a few white lies. Totally unacceptable that it's necessary.

It's outrageous though, particularly in your case with medical issues. It's like saying you're somehow less important than imaginary children that aren't even going to exist.

I once knew someone that didn't want children but was married so she had to get written permission from her husband to get her tubes tied.

Dobby permission from her husband?! In this century? Ugh. :(

Sorry to hear about this.

I’m nearly 40, also have dreadful periods and probs down there, and also never have and never will want children. I have also asked again and again about hysterectomies to a.) stop periods, and b.) stop possibility of any unwelcome and unneeded pregnancies. The response from the NHS was all this “you might change your mind” shit. F that! If you’re like me, you know!

The advice I received from a nurse friend was to campaign like mad, i.e keep badgering them to show you’re serious, make a diary of your symptoms and feeling etc to back up everything, NOT that you should have to. I was also advised to receive counselling to show my intentions. Good luck!

I think (not a doctor btw) that’s part of the reason the NHS doesn’t like to do hysterectomies for under 40’s is because it triggers an early menopause with all the associated risks including Osteoporosis. I’m sure this is what my mum was told many years ago when she looked into it.

@RebeccaBunchLawyer - That's awful. . Going privately (work PMI) I was questioned about the wanting children side of things but didn't have to say more than that DH and I had decided we didn't want them.

I was 42 so slightly older - but perhaps 40 is a cut off point as emma6776 suggests - and you might have more success once you pass that birthday?

Do it, I had same conditions as you plus others, had it three years ago (I'm now 34, have 1 child, and having him absolutely destroyed my innards); I was in agony for 5 years and on constant pain killers, used to spend entire weekends in bed missing time with my child. It was the best thing for me, absolute life changer. Of course you know your own mind, but there's a real paternalistic attitude towards women's reproductive bits amongst many gynaes so you may find you have to really push for it. Good luck, and I hope it works for you.

P.S. That paternalism I mentioned is the reason I still have both ovaries; I understand why they're reluctant to take both because of wonky hormones, being on hrt etc., but my left ovary sprouts cysts nearly as often as DS passes wind. I wish I'd fought harder to get it removed because I'm buggered if I'm going under the knife again. So if you're cysty, talk seriously with the surgeon about what they're prepared to do for you.

I had mine at 28 on the nhs for pretty much the same reasons, I do have two children but my life was miserable, either in hospital or flooding and anemic and on tramadol and all sorts, it was no life. I did try every other option beforehand though and I’m still upset it came to such drastic measures but I’ve just turned 30 and I’ve also been through the menopause but I have a LIFE I don’t exist in pain on medication anymore and it’s so much better, I can take my kids to the park etc. You’d certainly not be unreasonable in this instance to want to live your life not ruled by your reproductive system!! Xx