...to ask you to help me with invitation etiquette?

[Merryoldgoat]

I have a really good friend who I met about 10 years ago when she was still with her husband. She and I had a shared hobby so she became part of a big friendship group very quickly and her husband was part of it too. Genuinely became good friends with both of them owing to generally just ‘clicking’ and several shared interests.

They split up 5 years ago rather acrimoniously. Most of our group took ‘his’ side but my DH and I were careful not to take sides and continue to maintain friendships with them both.

They are both now in new relationships, happy and seem to have moved on which is great for them both.

It’s my 40th birthday and I’m having a party and will invite both of them (plus their partners). Should I give them both a heads up that the other couple are also invited or is it unnecessary?

I have no problem if one or the other would rather not attend etc. - I just don’t want to blindside either of them.

What’s the right thing to do here?

I’d give them a heads up. Not on the invitation itself but via a text message or phone call. You don’t say whether they have seen each other recently, but if they haven’t, it could be awkward for everyone if it comes as a shock to see each other there.

I'd say give them a heads up too like you say, one couple may decide to bow out, but at least you gave them the opportunity to do that if that's what would make them feel comfortable.

My best friend got to be friendly with my now-ex while we were together. DH and I, and ex were all invited to her wedding, but she sat us at opposite ends of the room for the reception and warned each of us that the other was there. We weren't acrimonious but a bit awkward.

Let them know, and don't force them into each other's company. But it should be fine.

Yep - give them a heads up - then you give them choices & time to mentally prepare if needed!

Yep, heads up.

Yes I think a heads up. I am happily remarried from the man I was with 30 years ago (as is he), but ex and I still have mutual friends we both stay in touch with.

We were invited to a special birthday celebration and I was told he was being invited too just as a courtesy really. It was fine, we both went but it was good that we were both forewarned.

I would give them the heads up too.

Thank you everyone - I will send a text to pre-warn. Just didn’t want to make anyone feel patronised but absolutely want everyone to make a decision that’s comfy for them.

Really appreciate all of your replies. Many thanks

Give them a heads up. I did this for my wedding. Neither came!