To be annoyed?

[3month]

I’ll try to be brief...

We have a 4 month old DD.
Colleague at my husbands work has a 1 month old DS.

When our girl was born, not a single colleague at my husbands work gave a card/gift/flowers/ nothing. Barely acknowledged our exciting news of our first child.

When other colleagues second child was born a couple months later, they get flowers delivered to the house the next day, and gifts from management?

We are not grabby at all (honest, I know it might come across like we are) but it’s just the unfairness of it? How can they give to one employee but not the other? And it was from management on behalf of the whole company. It wasn’t a private personal gift, which would be different, but still why give a personal gift to one employee but not the other, when both employees are at the same level and appear to get on ok with management?

This post is on behalf of my husband. Any good comebacks/ comments he could make to show how upset he is at this?
Or are we making something out of it more than it is?

Thank you

It was not a new staff member that organised it, it was both their manager that arranged it.

We have been married for 7 years and this is our first child, so you would think people would be delighted for him at his work.

Apparently his manager, after he arranged for flowers for the second employee, came downstairs and admitted he had forgotten to send to us, and asked other guys in the room whether they thought he should send flowers to us anyway, albeit 2 months too late. Other employees told him not to as that would make us seem like an afterthought. This happened on a day my husband was at home for annual leave, not paternity leave. Manager did apologise and look embarrassed to husband next day when husband said not a single person in the whole company had even sent a card.

This was approx a month ago. Just as we had decided to let that go...

Then today we find out that actually another member of management had sent a gift privately, also. But nothing to us.

How my husband didn’t lose his cool today I don’t know.

Yes I think he is friendly, he seems to get on with everyone.

I think he is liked... I know he is a hard worker and will just put his head down and get on with whatever needs done.

He’s feeling pretty unappreciated right now I think.

Yep both guys have the same manager, the one who arranges all these type of things.

My DH's company put £500 is a trust when staff have a baby.
We adopted so didn't get it.

That is an utter disgrace. How awful.

If he's feeling really down about it, and it's actually going to affect how he feels going forward then maybe he could go tell the manager that he is feeling unappreciated and let down, and suggest that they come up with a proper policy towards new babies as, even though it seems unimportant, it does affect the workplace when someone us singled out as special and someone else ignored.

They sound awful, but this happens more often than you think. I have no idea why and it's so unfair. The same happened to me, I'm female and was visibly pregnant. Completely ignored by my company but when colleague had a baby a month or so later they got cards and gifts etc

The same happened when I left, 10 years with a company and I got some flowers delivered a few days later and a bottle of wine from my department who knew I didn't drink. I was there for my last day, and the company were aware I was one of the 5 people leaving the company that day but they'd actually forgotten my flowers and therefore gave me a mention in the goodbye presentations rather than an actual 'slot'.

Absolute arseholes all of them. Honestly. I'd be recommending that DH changes company.

@Avasarala

That is a good idea, thank you, I’ll suggest he does that.
It’ll maybe help avoid someone else feeling like this in the future, but sadly doesn’t help the situation now. The damage had been done.

Am away to bed now, the afore mentioned 4 month DD likes to keep me up at all hours of the morning, so I’ll try to sleep now when she is sleeping.

Thank you for all your replies, will check back in the morning. Night.

oh, you'll both be so tired! And still trying to enjoy the new baby feelings!
What his company has done will leave a bitter taste, and he has every right to feel let down, I know if be feeling that way.

Forgot to say, OP I would be upset too, that's really unfair.

My husband has worked in a different place when each of our three were born, and we got flowers sent each time from management, so it does seem strange that you didn't, your oh took paternity leave did he? So they would definitely know?

I feel for you op. When my Mum died, I was mistakingly included in a round-robin email asking people in my work to chip in £2 to buy me some flowers. Didn’t get any flowers. It’s so hurtful isn’t it?

I think he should just ask whoever organised the other bloKe’s gift why they excluded him.

3month first, congratulations on the birth of your DD

Very hurtful but worth raising with the manager.

A place I worked at completely overhauled its policies on gift giving, office collections etc after a similar incident of very obvious disparity in treatment. In that case it was two colleagues who were getting married (to different people). One colleague received some hundreds of pounds in cash/vouchers the other received almost nothing.

In the immediate aftermath it was explained away as one colleague was in a role where they got to know everybody so collection had gone round the whole of the known universe. The other colleagues role was slightly different so they were only known in their own office.

However HR recognised that the difference was unfair and changed policies.

@NoIdeaWhatToSay , I have been trying to persuade him to leave, this is just the latest in a long line of events.
If it wasn’t for the money he’d be gone in a heartbeat.

Yep they definitely knew he had gone on paternity leave.

It’s sad to see others have gone through the same thing.