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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To ask for your stories of hardship and if they got better?

15 replies

Forevertired19 · 12/03/2018 20:47

Currently sat in a lot of debt due to being underpaid by my work for months and I'm in trouble if my credit card isn't paid this month. Unable to pay my rent as I won't be getting paid this month. (unable to claim SMP an need to send off for maternity allowance)
Dp was let go from his job in December and we've been waiting for his jsa to be properly processed since January. So we've been living on nothing.
I lost my brother to suicide in 2015 and I found him hanging at age 7. Ptsd just seems to be getting worse as well as night terrors again for me.
I have a beautiful little girl who I can barely provide for.
My contraceptive failed when she was 9 weeks old and we found out late anyway. I'm expecting ds this month and I don't feel prepared for it. Never mind being able to support him. Adoption has been on my mind for him and I hate myself for it. He's unexpected but I love him. I just know I won't be able to give him a decent life. I'm struggling to give my dd one.
My rent is due tomorrow and I can't pay it.
As well as bills with TV licence etc.
I have a dp but things aren't going well. He's only back here to support me with dd while I'm suffering with sciatica. Just seeing how things pan out.
Im starting to develop really bad anxiety again

I'm just so fed up. It's my birthday Thursday and my mom has planned some fancy cream tea for me and I'm hoping it's fully booked because I don't even want to step out the house right now.

Can anyone give me some positivity or tell me how your situation got better?

OP posts:

PinPon · 12/03/2018 20:53

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Didn’t want to read and run. Have you thought about contacting citizens advice bureau? Or contacting your credit card company to let them know that you’re struggling so they can arrange a payment plan? I hope that things work out well for you and your family.

ohcheeseandrice · 12/03/2018 21:19

Are you with local council housing or private rent? Ring the companies who expect payment tomorrow and try and postpone.
Is it possible for you to get a crisis loan based on your low income (not sure how they work)

Get to the gp or health visitor for a food bank voucher and possible milk vouchers.

CAB should be very helpful in trying to sort out your oh jsa

Get on freecycle and see if you can post an ad for baby items, they're usually great.

You sound so stressed just try and take one thing at a time. Try not to overwhelme yourself

Bambamber · 12/03/2018 21:31

You have an awful lot all going on at once, it's no wonder you are feeling the way you are does your midwife or GP know how you're feeling at the moment? Have you taken steps to get your money owed from work?

Take one step at a time. Phone up all suppliers that are expecting to be paid tomorrow and explain the situation. Again phone up your landlord and explain your situation.

Do you have the essentials for your DS? Baby's don't need much material stuff, they mainly need lots of love which sounds like you have plenty to give.

I got myself into money trouble several years ago. Totally self inflicted though, but my mental health was in a bad place so wasn't really thinking about the future. But it did get better and as soon as I started getting things back on track I wasn't so overwhelmed and found I felt a lot better quite quickly. I would never expect to be where I am now, so things really can turn around. I'm normally really stubborn about asking, but I asked for help from all possible sources and it was the best thing I did

Original poster

Forevertired19 · 12/03/2018 21:38

I have almost everything for ds. Just need some hats which I can get with birthday money on my birthday in a few days and that'll be going on rent. I rent from my dad who does me no favours and is in far worse trouble than me so I've currently listed the last of my possessions on ebay that are value and sentiment. He wouldn't help me out anyway. I just give up at the moment. I'm on the waiting list for therapy edmr etc but it'll take over 13 weeks I'm told. Just really down.

OP posts:

ohcheeseandrice · 12/03/2018 21:43

Is there anyway of getting out of the house and possibly going on the housing waiting list. It might be worth going to see your local housing officer and having a chat.

Have you applied for things like housing benefit, child tax credit?

I'm so sorry your going through this. It won't be for ever. Once your money is paid and your back on track things will feel better.

Keep going back to your gp about your low mood. Maybe they could expedite your appointment. Also try speaking to your midwife there might be services out there for pregnant woman with mental heath issues, which you might be seen sooner on.

nogrip · 12/03/2018 21:49

Your dad sounds horrible

mondaygirl1 · 12/03/2018 22:01

Hello forevertired19. It sounds like things are tough right now. Yes, things will get better. Please contact Christians Against Poverty. They are a great organisation. You don't have to be christian. Explain it as you've wrote it on here.
capuk.org/i-want-help/our-services/cap-debt-help/introduction

It will get easier.

Shedmicehugh1 · 12/03/2018 22:08

Trying to think of practical advice. Why have your work underpaid you? Any chance of getting that sorted?

JSA for your DP should not take this long to sort out. He needs to chase them. It should take about 2 weeks.

Have you claimed housing benefit?

Have you been to see your GP?

Sorry you are having such a tough time, it will get better.

Original poster

Forevertired19 · 12/03/2018 22:31

I'm going on the council once ds is born. I can't keep doing this. Have applied for housing benefit but haven't heard back. It's in DP's income allowance claim. I did get back payed from work but now I'm left this payday with nothing as they failed to inform me of smp until now and my HR manager has really cocked it up for me.
The claim for dp took so long as apparently he couldn't claim jsa as his NI contributions weren't enough. Then he had to claim for income. Then it took them 24 days to tell us we had filled it in wrong. It's been 10 days tomorrow and no word so he will have to phone.

OP posts:

Shedmicehugh1 · 12/03/2018 22:48

It will get better, you are doing all the right things, applying for what you are entitled to. Unfortunately it just takes time. But there is light at the end of the tunnel

MNHQ

RivkaMumsnet · 12/03/2018 22:56

OP, we're sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

We just wanted to pop on with our usual reminder that although we love the fact that Mumsnet is such a source of support for people, we can never know for sure who anyone is on the internet, and we wouldn't want anyone to give more than they can afford to lose, either emotionally or financially.

GreyCloudsToday · 12/03/2018 22:57

Things are going to improve, though it's difficult to see in the moment. It sounds like you have some cash coming through sooner or later.

There are tons of resources on Moneysavingexpert and a great community. It's where I hung out when struggling to pay off my debts. Re-post there if you can manage and you will get some great support.

If you contact your midwife you should be able to get more immediate support from your antenatal mental health team - hopefully they will be able to support you while you wait to access the other services.

I'm so sorry you lost your brother

You sound like you're hanging in there even though times are incredibly tough. That takes courage and resilience. All my best thoughts that some things come through to make life a bit easier.

Original poster

Forevertired19 · 12/03/2018 23:21

Thank you @greyclouds that's first on the agenda at my appointment on Wed. Help with ptsd x

OP posts:

delfrontier · 13/03/2018 00:42

It sounds like things are overwhelming at the moment but there is a lot of support out there, especially as you're pregnant. I was in a dire situation when I was pg with my first, I was in huge amounts of debt and was homeless with no money coming in. I got myself sorted out with the CAB and Stepchange and got all my debts written off and managed to get prioritised for council housing as I was homeless. Six months on and we have our benefits sorted, I've been awarded PIP for MH issues and we are housed, with no debt hanging over us. It takes time to get these things sorted but having a good support helps. Don't be afraid to be referred to specialist services like the perinatal health team and social services, because it was the extra letters from them which made a real difference for me. Also they can often get access to welfare advisors and grants which is reserved for the most vulnerable - which was really helpful as waiting lists for CAB are really long in our area. Hang in there and make sure you arm yourself with knowledge about benefits and housing, as the DWP/council will do their best to misinform you and fob you off.

Jon66 · 13/03/2018 01:03

You need some advice re maximising income and paying only priority debts, rent first, then gas, electricity and council tax. Don't pay any other debts until you've spoken to either Christians against poverty or your local citizens advice debt caseworker. Obtain some food vouchers for your local food bank. Look at whether your water provider has a charitable scheme and can help with rent arrears, or another charity. What jobs have you and your partner done in the past? Any forces service?

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