To feel inadequate as a working parent

[Timeforachange2018]

It’s one of my DC’s birthday party soon. We went to a party last week where the parent had clearly put months of work into it- everything handmade, individually named cakes for each child, playlists, entertainer, homemade bunting and decorations etc. I don’t have the time as I work full time (said parent doesn’t work) so it’s likely to be at an indoor play centre where everything is done for me DC was star struck by the party and hasn’t stopped talking about how amazing it is and it just makes me feel inadequate at times that I don’t have the time or energy to do stuff like that as I work full time.
I also can’t get involved in the PTA or go on school trips as i work!
Aibu to feel a bit inadequate sometimes as a parent as I have a whole working life that takes a lot of my time and energy too

I can see why you might be upset by that occasionally, but not that it should make you feel inadequate. If you have to work, you have to work.

Please don't feel inadequate, it's not a competition. We don't all have to do things the same, and different people place different values on things.

DH & I both work FT, neither of us go anywhere near the PTA and we're huge fans of party-packages where everything is done for us
We prioritise other things, but we know DD is happy, secure and well supported etc. and that's the most important thing.

what if you're a SAHP and not crafty, dont wish to get involved with PTA and dont get picked for school trips anyway?

The grass is always greener!

You could get the look of DIY by hiring local people/shopping from etsy if you're time poor.

Also kids dont care whats homemade or not.. its only for the parent (as in they enjoy it or feel proud of it or want to show off) and other parents (as in impressing them).

I honestly thought you were worried about lack of being there for assemblies/performances/school run/trips which I think kids care more about.

Inadequacy because of a beautiful party is easily rectified with a bit of $$$.

Your child will love their own party - don't worry. You cant still make it special without homemade bunting.

Being on the PTA sucks - everyone moans at you for getting wrong

You could use a days leave to go on one school trip once, just to say you did and have the experience. I did and it satisfied and itch.

That other parent may also be looking at you and feeling inadequate because you juggle family life with a FT job and that there are fewer expectations of you being involved in the PTA etc.

No point in comparing yourself with other people. Some people could work full-time and still do all the singing and dancing at home things too. That could make you feel even more inadequate if you let it. Don't.

I do always go to assemblies and harvest festivals and concerts as much as poss though!

It could be that the play centre type party was too expensive for them (as only one parent works), so they made everything by hand? I know where I live paying for a hall, an entertainer and doing food etc yourself is still way cheaper than hiring a play centre, as a result its the type of party that all the kids want by us. You should never feel inadequate for working and I’m sure that Mum would feel awful if she knew her party made you feel that wayX

I mean the play centre party is the type the kids all want

MissSueFlay's point is excellent - for all you know SAHM is in awe of what you do!

TBH, even if I were a stay at home mum, I'd never be able to create a beautifully handcrafted party. I've never made my kids cakes that look like anything, for example (I might just chuck a load of edible glitter and sugar stars on it); kids have never minded and I've never got the sense that anyone who can make beautiful cakes is looking down on me for my lack of cake decorating nous.

It's just use comparing onesself to others, we all have such different lives and I'm sure your child will love whatever they get for their birthday soon.

Putting months of work into one day is a bit odd. Wouldn't spending time with the actual child be better?

Well

Sorry I accidentally pressed post!

I was going to say that I'm a SAHM and the most I've ever done is make the cake myself! I'm sure this fancy home made party will be a distant memory by the time your child has enjoyed their own party.

Some people love planning parties and doing all the extra lovely stuff. My friend works full time AND recently did an all singing all dancing beautiful party. She made stuff every evening for weeks. It’s what she enjoys. I don’t work at all and did soft play party.

No! You are not inadequate!
You are doing the best for your family. If that’s by working, then that’s important. Do you think when your children are grown up they will judge you on the quality of your cupcakes? They will remember that you managed to throw parties and work full-time, and provide a loving home. That’s quite adequate isn’t it?

Some people enjoy crafty type things like this. I like making book day outfits, but unlikely to join the PTA anytime soon either. We do what we can. It sounds like you’re doing great.

I didn’t go along and feel inferior. My children had a lovely time and she did a great job. That’s not to say they don’t also enjoy their own parties.

I would think she probably just likes doing crafty stuff tbh.

I'm a SAHM/student and will probably homemake DS cake/buffet/party games etc. for his 2nd birthday. The cake i'd do anyway but tbh some of it will be because im embarased about our tiny flat. compared to his friends lovely houses.

look - a lot of that shit is for the parents benefit - the kids just want cake, pop, a run around and a bag of plastic tat to take home

we all get the guilt from time to time but the kids don't give a shit!

You are setting your child a great example and protecting your financial independence. Who gives a f**k about crafts in comparison?