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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel oddly offended by this remark?

57 replies

sharkirasharkira · 12/03/2018 15:00

I am not in the business of being professionally offended, in fact I very rarely get offended by anything as I am a very laid back kind of person.

However.

I was having a conversation with a customer at the pub I work in, about exercise and losing weight, and he remarked;

'didn't you get a lot of exercise as a kid running from the Zulus?'
Hmm

For reference, although I look and sound 100% British, I am from (born and lived in) an African country and I'm white. Said customer knows this.

I'm sure he wasn't exactly meaning to be offensive and technically he didn't actually say anything derogatory but aibu to feel offended by this? I ask because I realise I may be being overly sensitive, I was subjected to horrendous physical and emotional bullying as a child because of my nationality.

OP posts:
CoolCarrie · 12/03/2018 15:34

In your shoes I would have turned it back to him by winding him up, saying “ oh no, I spent my time running from 🦁 “

downthestrada · 12/03/2018 15:35

Mind you, my mum emigrated here from Canada so I have dual nationality. When I mention this, people sometimes say they can hear my Canadian accent, or on one memorable occasion, speak to me in French! I've never lived in Canada.

I have only ever lived in Scotland and have a Scottish accent, but I get this too. People all of a sudden think they can hear things that are just not there when they find out my heritage. They say they can now see that I look like I'm from X, Y, Z.

Shockers · 12/03/2018 15:36

He sounds like a massive tit.

downthestrada · 12/03/2018 15:36

My dad still gets similar comments at work "did you swing through the trees to get to school" etc. You have every right to feel offended.

Beeziekn33ze · 12/03/2018 15:38

He's offensive, very.

EssentialHummus · 12/03/2018 15:39

I’m South African/ grew up there and get this sort of thing a lot. I’d have replied that Zulus are from SA and I grew up in Other Country, then changed the subject. I’m not suggesting that’s the correct response but that’s what I would have done.

Riverside2 · 12/03/2018 15:41

I think people who make comments like this are actually trying to be offensive

the ignorance thing doesn't work really - if you don't know anything about a place then certain Prince Philip type comments wouldn't be made, I think.

Anyway, he sounds like a nasty git who you need to avoid.

LaDilettante · 12/03/2018 15:44

I think it was meant as a joke. He could have just easily said 'running from lions' as it's the next thing that would spring to mind when thinking about Africa. However I can totally understand if you find these kind of cliche jokes very tedious. I'm french and if I had a penny every time I've been asked if I eat frogs legs all the time, I'd probably have £27.45 by now...

CisPinkHoodie · 12/03/2018 16:00

It was meant as a joke, but he's racist.

yaela123 · 12/03/2018 16:06

I get quite a lot of comments like that coming from a middle eastern desert country - does everyone ride camels, did you live in a tent, etc. Have sort of just learnt to grin and bear it.

His comment however definitely seems racist to me.

BertrandRussell · 12/03/2018 16:08

He could have just easily said 'running from lions' as it's the next thing that would spring to mind when thinking about Africa."

So when you think about Africa you first think Zulus, then you think lions. Riiiight.

kerryweaverscrutch · 12/03/2018 16:11

I know a lot of it is ignorance but people can't really be THAT stupid can they?

They totally can. And are!

SpringEquinox · 12/03/2018 16:11

He just sounds a bit dim and foolish

Lashalicious · 12/03/2018 16:16

It wasn’t racist against you, it was racist against the native people of your country whose skin may be a different shade or tone than yours “the Zulus”.....he thought he was siding with you somehow and could get away with saying it...he is racist.

Tell him you didn’t have to run from the Zulus. “But I do walk away from racists.”

Original poster
sharkirasharkira · 12/03/2018 16:16

I think he was trying to be funny but just massively missed the mark.

Although now I think about it, he only found out about my nationality/heritage last week and has brought it up pretty much every time I've seen him since then!

OP posts:
Lashalicious · 12/03/2018 16:17

And then walk away.

Rightsaidmabel · 12/03/2018 16:21

That was quite unequivocally a racist remark.It implied that there was a necessity,as a white person, to run away from a black person, and that you would share this as a valid point of view.
Hard to react when one is feeling blindsided, but "did you mean to sound racist" is a query I am saving for a work colleague who refers to "the blecks" i.e he adopts a fake South African accent when referring to black South Africans.It's that he thinks I share his disgusting mind set that I find as offensive as his attitude to people from another race.
This is probably the same disquiet and disgust you felt.We are constrained from retorting by being in a work environment.We shouldn't be.

fusushumi · 12/03/2018 16:23

If he's bringing it up every time since he found out, it sounds like a crass attempt at banter/flirting - he thinks he's being amusing and doesn't realise he's being an offensive twat

Original poster
sharkirasharkira · 12/03/2018 16:29

I very much doubt he is flirting, he has met my dp and is usually with his dp when I see him (although he wasn't on this occasion). I think he thinks its just 'banter' but it really fucks me off after having a lifetime of it.

OP posts:
thehairyhog · 12/03/2018 16:31

I believe the term is ‘casual racism’.

MsHarry · 12/03/2018 16:39

I feel for you OP, don't think I could work in that environment. Did you tell your boss?

MsHarry · 12/03/2018 16:40

Yes it's casual racism and passive aggressive.

ReanimatedSGB · 12/03/2018 16:44

What he said was racist, but what is perhaps more insulting is the implication of his words, which are that you (as a white woman who grew up in Africa) are casually racist, too, and therefore would have found his comment funny.

JoJoSM2 · 12/03/2018 16:58

I also find his comment racist.

pictish · 12/03/2018 17:06

Ach he’s a dull fuck isn’t he? He’s got nothing interesting or insightful to say...just focuses on something he can repeatedly comment on like the unimaginative twit he is.
It was rude and he sounds stupid.