to be annoyed with DM?
brandnewhelsy · 06/05/2007 23:15
Every time my DM has our children to stay with her - about three times a year for a couple of nights each time - and sometimes even when she's visiting us for the day, she asks Dd2 (3 this month) if she would like to come home with her - she lives an hour's drive away. Don't know why she does it, but it annoys the a**e off me. She never asks Dd1, with whom she is extremely close, but always dd2 who responds by moving very close to me and saying "no". Am I being unreasonable to be fed up with it?
PeachesMcLean · 07/05/2007 00:09
No not unreasonable at all if DD2 is uncomfortable.
Sounds like your DM is after the reaction: Perhaps looking for affirmation from the child she's least close to, or, mistaking the moving away for cute shyness? However, if the worst you get is a bit of a startled reaction from DD2 I wouldn't worry about it too much. She'll just learn that gran is a bit funny sometimes. Can you talk to her about it?
Or are your mum's comments actually causing a rift in their relationship? Is it putting her off?
brandnewhelsy · 07/05/2007 13:50
Thanks Peaches and LondonMamma. As with all of these things it's tied up with other stuff! The invitation is usually preceded by tales of how they've eaten cabbage, behaved well and been to church whilst at her house. The only thing out of those that they don't also do at home is go to church - but apparently that means they have "no values" . As you can probably work out, they came back from mum's yesterday!
I think she means "do you want to sleep over?". Hadn't thought she might just be looking for affirmation.
The only rift she's causing (or enlarging) by her actions is the one between her and me.
Londonmamma · 07/05/2007 19:16
Unless you're able to sit down with your mum and have a heart to heart about what's REALLY going on here....the best way to deal with it is to say 'thanks so much, they've had a lovely time, I'm really grateful' etc because unless she gets that affirmation she'll keep seeking it through her joky comments. Try to treat her as a fellow adult rather than as your mum on these occasions.
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