I really think we should replace the SAS and MI5 personnel with Yodel drivers.

[HoneyDragon]

Seriously. Their skill at getting to houses entirely undetected is unparalleled. No note through the door; no ring of the bell, no actually sighting. Even though you’ve tracked them on the damn app for three hours. Then BOOM “we tried to contact you but you were out”. And their van apparently PROVES they came to my house. Now that’s some technology that the MOD could use.

In fairness many Parcel Force employees could also join up given their training is so advanced they can practically teleport a we tried to deliver you parcel slip into your house; rather than like, just bang on the door and hand you a parcel.

(IANBU)

(This is also a very very very very serious suggestion (very) and not at all lighthearted in any way what so ever)

Perhaps UPS already have the MI5 gig? Last week they delivered my package to a 'local collection point' some 60 miles away from my home... now I'm thinking they were trying to get me there for interrogative purposes...

I usually give instructions to ‘leave parcel in back garden - I’ll leave the gate unlocked’. A couple of weeks ago it took me 20 minutes of hunting to find it. He’d put the parcel under a table that I was storing in a corner and made a fort around it with the folding chairs 🙄

Our lounge room window was open one summer and Royal Mail threw a parcel through it it scared the shit out of our cats and DH - who was on a conference call was non too impressed either.

The DPD man who delivered flowers to my mum yday to their house in the middle of nowhere spent an hour knocking at the door and was in tears by the time they heard him - Poor poor man

He’d put the parcel under a table that I was storing in a corner and made a fort around it with the folding chairs

Oh I think that's adorable

Well, we've finally realized how Putin knows so much about everything

Top secret documents delivered to the wrong country left under the door mat
Or even worse - with a neighbour (see above)

rowdy oh I couldn’t possibly say!

Nothing to add except that @MrsArthurShappey is a great username. Will have to go listen to Cabin Pressure again from the start.

Called company pointed out still no Yodel. They said nothing rescheduled. They redid from start for Thursday. Am now randomly getting notifications from Yodel with random arrival times, for today. They’re gaslighting me aren’t they?

Classic misinformation HoneyDragon to confuse the opposition.

I've just been gaslighted by TNT. 'Customer not in'. I was on the sofa staring out of the window at the exact time they supposedly called to deliver a very large item, because that's where I've been all day (poorly).

They just lied, and lied again about 'redelivering' this afternoon. It was never on the truck. They were never near my house.

The retailer doesn't give a fuck either so I've cancelled it.

I CAUGHT A YODEL DRIVER!!!!!!! ahahahhhahahaaaaaaaa

He agreed to take it even though he wasn’t supposed too as the dimensions were too long. Even though they delivered it originally

Lineys that’s inutterbly shit. And possibly why stores go under.

You are sooooo NBU! Excellent idea.

Honestly HoneyDragon, I DESPAIR - why do businesses use these muppets and listen to their nonsense about customers not being in?

I didn't even get a card or a call or a text because they were nowhere near my house.

Fuck me, TNT, up your game.

Based on the speed that Deutsche Poste do on my road (rural, only two houses, frequent mud, cow poo, snow and ice), they’re not only the rally team for Germany but also German Special Forces. It doesn’t matter how hard SAS Royal Mail (24 SAS (RM)) try, Deutsche Poste will have got there first. And laid their towels out.

and laid their towels out 😂😂😂😂

Yesterday’s calling card spookily said “behind you” - turned round, my parcel was stuck in the hedge in front of the front door. It would have easily fitter through the letter box too.

Littleoakhorn -

I was intending to post earlier that I don't have problems with deliveries here, but didn't want to jinx the delivery I expected on Thursday. You can all guess what happened today.

I reckon I got the 24 SAS (RM) Tardis Squadron.