To ask for help with DS behaviour with food?

[NomsQualityStreets]

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DS is nearly 3 and used to be a good eater and never really fussed.

Now it can take him an hour to have something simple like breakfast unless I feed him. He won't sit down and has too keep leaving his chair to go look at something, bring a toy etc if I don't let him he will melt down and get worked up and that would be it for eating.
We've limited all distractions, TV is off nothing he could potentially use as a distraction but he will always find something.

Dinner is the worst, unless it's something super basic like sausage and chips or fish fingers and peas etc he has to be fed it or he will otherwise take 1 bite every 10mins (I mean that literally).
His initial reaction to dinner being placed in front of him is "I don't like it" and tears. Even if it's food he's eaten many times before and liked. Spag Bol was his absolute favourite and now he always picks at his mouth when chewing and doesn't even want to take a bite.

If he's with his friends he usually sits and eats perfectly fine unless it's something he really doesn't like like jacket potatoes which he has always hated.

Yesterday we decided to go to a little restaurant for lunch as last time we went there DS was eagerly eating everything that was put on the table and trying new things and eating lots. Yesterday we ordered the same things he loved before and he just kept crying and wanting his dad, then wanting juice, then wanting to watch something on my phone, even once he tried his favourite dish he was saying he doesn't like it, there was crying, snot and whining.

He obviously eagerly eats any sweets and other treats which we limit.
I try to not pressure him to eat but I really don't know how to approach him, especially as I know he likes most things I serve him but he just says "I don't like it" as soon as he sees it. It's been a good 5months now.

Help please?

I’d say ‘fine’ and let him leave the table. No coaxing, no feeding him, no look of worry or disappointment or sadness at wasting food. Take all the emotion out of it. Make sure he’s not having big snacks between meals and that you’re serving things you know he’s eaten before, and just don’t comment at all on what he’s (not) eating.

Try it for a week and see how it goes. While it’s not completely true that children will eat when they’re hungry, ime it’s true for 90% of children.

My DD went through this phase,sometimes they're just not hungry.I didn't offer alternatives or snacks.I let her get down from the table and ignored her until I had finished.
Don't let mealtimes become a battlefield and don't let him distract you,enjoy your food too.

Are you also sat at the table eating with him? And eating the same food? Is he hungry or has he had regular snacks prior to the meal?

It is normal for him to be easily distracted at that age.
If he is hungry and there is a routine and a social aspect linked to the meal he will soon understand he needs to stay at the table.

It sounds as if the table does not sound very ineteresting to him at present.

That sounds so frustrating but it will hopefully only be a phase.
With food you really have to take all the emotion out of it to avaoid it being a battle groubd. Very often, it's about asserting some control.
I like the "You don't have to eat it" approach. The idea being is that you control what you cook and when you serve it, he controls how muchand in what proportion he eats. You prepare his food, give it to him and when he says "I don't like it." you tell him that he doesn't have to eat it. You gave hin some control without pandering.
This approach us a good starting point but I think you can do a little more to make him excited about food again. Try sone ideas and see what wirks fir your son. Get him to "help" with preparing the meal. This will make him excited about the food and he will know ehat he's having. Put the food in serving dishes and let him serve himself (not always practical), give him some moderated choice: "I'm making Bolognese. Shall we have it with Spaghetti or this cool Thomas Pasta?" "Shall we have potatoes or mash with dinner? Do you want to mash the potaoes?""I don't know if we should have Broccoli or carrots with the chicken. What do you think?"

Mine is the same age and can be fussy. If he doesn’t want to eat it I say ‘ fine but there’s nothing else’ and let him get down. I don’t give him snacks in between meals.
Someone said to me ‘it’s my job to provide food for him, it’s his job to decide how much to eat’ I repeat this to myself often. I will let him have a banana before bed if he wants but nothing else.

I used a traffic light timer and no snacks at one time for my different eaters. As a pp said - I provided suitable food, but it was up to them to eat it. I think I set 30 minutes for a meal and then just binned everything and cleared away. Within a week meal times were a much nicer experience for everyone.

Agree with PPs.

The only other thing worth thinking about - you say dinner is particularly bad. Is he very tired? could making it earlier help?

Does he go to nursery - if so what does he eat there, and how is his behaviour? Could he be picking up bad habits there?

I have a DS who can be fussy. I just let him get down from the table and remind him that there is nothing else to eat other than his dinner and no treats. He's starting to get a bit better and will come back a lot of the time and eat a bit more. You can't force them to eat so it's a case of providing food and letting them do the rest.

Very frustrating though!

Thank you for the replies.

I just get worried when he doesn't eat that he will go hungry. He usually starts crying if I say there's no treats or whatever he asks for.

How long should I give it? A week, more?

I really wouldn't worry about him being hungry. Children's appetites vary massively & generally if they don't eat, they're not that hungry. I always think of it like, "I'm not that hungry...but if someone put a bag of kettle crisps in front of me, I'd woof 'em down!". Likewise most children with a fish finger/ sausage/ chocolate bar etc. Whereas sometimes I'm so ravenous, I'd eat a bowl of nothing but peas (yuk) if they were there!
My second suddenly 'went' fussy when he was about 3 & a half and is only just starting to improve now (6). He knows that the food on the table is the only food. Sometimes he doesn't eat it. He whines a bit but we are consistent and he doesn't get anything else.
Food is a great way for children to get control, they see it stresses us out. Just be calm & follow the advice of pp's. And if he cries, go into another room for a bit & let him get on with it, otherwise he'll learn that he doesn't have to eat anything he doesn't want, he can just cry & get different food.
Good luck!

I'm sure he would have let you know by now if he is in pain but maybe have a dentist check inside his mouth, just in case there have been any developmental problems with his palate or his teeth are growing irregularly.

Good luck and hope this is resolved soon.

It can help if you distract both of you. So he says he won't eat it and you immediately start doing the washing up and chatting about what you're going to do tomorrow.

If he says he's hungry and cries a cheery 'well, you can have an early snack' (but don't make the snack too soon or too big), and distract. You want not eating to get no attention, and that includes crying about being hungry.

Balance it out with plenty of positive attention on other issues.

If you had a child with serious food issues this wouldn't work at all, but it sounds as though he doesn't have a basic problem with food but is trying an (annoying but developmentally normal) game of 'let's wind up mummy'.