To want some new post-Mother's Day house

[catweasel44]

My children need to help more around the house. They are 9 & 12.

It occurred to me that yesterday I was grumpy because they still weren't putting washing in the washing basket or plates in the dishwasher, let alone making me a Mother's Day cup of tea.

Then I was grumpy because this is actually just basic stuff they should be doing not 'a nice thing for me'

So I need to put my foot down.

What rules do you have for your DC and how do you enforce them.

These arent rules so much as things that you do when you live in the same house. If you raise your kids to be lazy, they will be lazy. Don't accept lazy and don't do basic shit. Their plates go to the kitchen. Stuff goes in the bin. Towels get hung up etc. Just be consistent and expect them to do it.

Fairly simple ones I think...

Make your bed,
Open the curtains,
Fold clothes up after wearing them if clean,
Pants, socks, dirty clothes in washing basket,
Bringing down washing basket on wash day,
Getting places ready at table,
Clearing up their plate & places at table after a meal,
Rinsing dishes,
Being thoughtful, say they're making a drink offer around,
Homework done ASAP in rough to be checked for PS DC, homework just done ASAP but carefully for SC DC,
Putting stuff away after using it,
Keeping bedroom tidy,
Behaving or else the ban of doom from all electronic stuffs.

Sounds quite comprehensive but it's all pretty much robotically done, say a DC hasn't made their bed they'd get a reminder to do it. If the room was a mess, get it sorted.

I should add I'm a flowery hippy Mum so we don't shout etc, we either remind, advise or ban off electronics. Works a treat.

Mine have had certain expectations since they were tiny, and we just don’t move forward until they’re done. It could take some time at first, but should become second nature after a while. Mine are all under 7, and it goes something like: don’t come downstairs until you’ve made your bed. Tidy up before dinner. You aren’t getting down from the table until you’ve finished your dinner AND then put your plate in the sink. You can’t get out, say, lego - until you’ve put away the paints.

My kids are in good habits now, and do these things without thinking. We are quite orderly overall though, shoes off and put in the cupboard when they get in, hands washed, coats away. Set the table and then play or watch cartoons, and if they are going to continue playing with that stuff after dinner they can leave it out. When they get changed they’re expected to put their clothes in the basket in the bathroom. They rinse the sink after they’ve brushed their teeth. Bear in mind I’ve been telling them to do all of this since they were each about 2, so it might take a while to sink in, but for me I love a smooth running household. I don’t shout or get stressed as much as my neighbours seem to and I think (maybe wrongly) that it’s because my kids don’t take the piss, and everything is in its place.

Daisy yes me too, I don’t need to shout, just “oh, DC1, you’ve forgotten to make your bed and the curtains are still closed”. They will just nip up and do it.

If they haven't been expected to help until now you need to reset expectations rather than getting annoyed because they can't read your mind. Most kids will respond reasonably if they feel they are being treated with respect.

Mine have always been expected to do the basics - set/clear table at meal times, load/empty dishwasher, put clothes in laundry basket, fold clean laundry, feed/walk dogs etc. but a few years ago when the two left at home were 13+ I sat them down and said that basically now there were four people living in the house who were all capable of doing most things I expected household chores to be more equally shared. They still need chivvying sometimes but they are now cleaning the bathrooms they use, changing bedding etc. We have a whiteboard in the hall where I write daily chores that are more than their usual tasks. They often do jobs as a team which is nice to see. Good luck!

No you're right. I tend to just get frustrated and then nothing happens. DH also needs to model better behaviour.

I shall create a list for the kitchen wall.

DS2 has put his washing away and cleared the table.

It's a start.

It’s definitely a start, it all needs to become a habit for you to all feel the benefit. Good luck 🙏🏻

Table up and down and set includes sorting out the dishwasher. That's every day (9 year old).

Mine are all teenagers and I still have to kick them up the arse to get them to do stuff like bring their cups etc down from their bedrooms, not drop things literally on top of the dishwasher instead of putting them in gggrrrr It's annoying having to tell them to do this basic stuff everyday but I'll be fucked if I'm going to be picking up after them, two of the are pretty much adults now

I dream about how much easier my life would be if I didn't have to ask them to put their shoes on the shelf and not leave their socks IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM RUG every single day.