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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so sick and tired of her budgeting tips?

24 replies

CactaiPie · 12/03/2018 05:56

A co worker asked me to go out with her but I said no, she asked me a few weeks later and I had to say no again. She seemed a bit miffed so I told her truthfully that I'd love to come but I really just can't afford it and that's that. Except, now she's imparting her budgeting tips on me all the time!
Stuff like "if you buy x branded beauty products you can save £5 here" sorry pet but I can't afford beauty products let alone branded ones!
"If you stop having lunches out at work you'll save a fortune"... I bring a packed lunch consisting of 1-2 sandwiches and a bottle of squash from home, every day. I dunno where she gets this idea I'm spunking my wages at Starbucks every day. Yesterday she had the gall to tell me she's finding things a bit tight at the moment because her husband said it wasn't a good idea to spend £180 on shoes she really wanted and it upset her which is fine as it stands but I'm finding it really fucking nauseating.

How can I stop her giving me these shit tips? I don't want to go into my financial situation with her at all but I am on a low income (as is she, but since she has a high earning husband were not in the same situation) and it's a real struggle sometimes.

My shoes have holes in and I can't afford to buy new. this isn't a pity post btw I'm just saying for me it's nothing like not spending £150 on shoes, I'll finally be able to get a £10 (or less) pair this week thanks to a bit of overtime but I've been taping and gluing my shoes for a couple months now. I'm working with her today and I fear I'll crack if she gives one more crap tip.

How can I get her to shut up without embarrassing myself, upsetting her or having a meltdown at work?

OP posts:

Kitchenbound · 12/03/2018 06:01

I've had that type of woman around me. In the end I just had to say bluntly but politely - no offense intended but we are not in the same financial situation and i would appreciate you not giving me advise. Try to work in that you recognise she is trying to help but as your situations are completely different its not helping you, just stressing you out

Kitchenbound · 12/03/2018 06:03

Ps - she may get narky. And thats her problem not yours. As long as you say it politely and quietly (not in front of everyone) and maybe thank her for trying to help. Things will get better eventually up xx

LittleKiwi · 12/03/2018 06:05

I’d just be honest - she sounds like she’s trying to be friendly but is just a bit emotionally dense? I don’t think you need to go into details, but something along the lines of “budgeting isn’t the issue it’s having any money at ALL that is!” Or something similarly light hearted but clear.

She does sound pretty dense tbf

YvonneGoolagongsDugongDoug · 12/03/2018 06:38

LittleKiwi is right about her being emotionally dense. It sounds like she is slightly bragging actually. I used to work with similar. She used to come out with things like " My (DH) can't decide whether to buy a Rolex or a Merc" then she would moan endlessly that she wanted to pack up work but her DH wouldn't let her!!!! Emotionally dense is right or maybe just plain old dense

Original poster

CactaiPie · 12/03/2018 06:41

I don't think she's being braggy as she doesn't seem the type but it is still irritating.
I think a lighthearted comment may be the way to go.

OP posts:

annandale · 12/03/2018 06:43

Do you actually want to go out with her? She sounds a bit dumb. If you do, ask her to do what you can afford - go for a walk, come round for a cuppa etc. You could try deploying the American passive aggressive 'oh bless your heart you're so sweet' when she comes out with this crap too, I find it quite effective.

Original poster

CactaiPie · 12/03/2018 06:52

Not her specifically no, but when she invites me out it's on work nights out, so other co workers attend to. I wouldn't go out with her one on one if I was a millionaire, she's a nice lass and all but we just don't have that much in common and I think it would be a bit awkward.

OP posts:

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 12/03/2018 07:51

I'd be direct. 'X, I know you mean well, but I don't want or need budgeting tips, thanks. Can you please stop?' As PPs have said, if she's narked then that's her problem. It's really rude and patronising to offer unwanted financial advice.

liltingleaf · 12/03/2018 08:00

Laugh and say, 'In my financial situation, I'm a bit beyond that. At the moment I'm looking at which supermarket has the cheapest own brand value products and exploring ways to mend holes in my shoes myself.'

JustMarriedBecca · 12/03/2018 08:01

I never offer budgeting tips after I told a friend once you could get a free brew at Waitrose. He had said he left his previous job and was at law school. He had a big family and I was always offering to get him tea or coffee because I felt bad. He ended up inviting us around for a group study session and turned out he had SOLD his previous company for £100 or so million and was just at uni for something to do. Pool and tennis court and a bloody equestrian centre. How MORTIFYING.

In terms of your situation I'd just say 'I told you I can't afford to do X, can you be a bit more sensitive about the fact you're spending £180 on shoes'

EastDulwichWife · 12/03/2018 08:02

I worked with a woman like this. Her DH was mega wealthy and she admitted a few times she was doing just our job for "pocket money".

One bloke on my team said he wouldn't be coming on a team lunch because he was skint, and she told him he "should really budget more carefully". At the time he was the only earner in the family, paying a London mortgage and supporting his DW and two kids whilst she was on maternity leave. If looks could kill...

I'd politely request she leave it with the tips. Perhaps say you appreciate the sentiment but you'd rather not discuss personal finances at work.

Fluffyears · 12/03/2018 08:10

Why do people need to impart their stupid advice. I had a workplace very like this and not just on financial stuff. It was draining.

Sevendown · 12/03/2018 08:13

Just point out that she has her husbands income and you don’t.

Okaynowimconfused · 12/03/2018 08:14

Just brush it off with "believe me, I budget in every way possible. Anything you suggest or have suggested I'm already doing."

And if she really does continue after that then I like what kitchenbound said.

MrsExpo · 12/03/2018 08:21

I’m another who has been in this situation in the past and it is very annoying. You just have to be firm but polite and tell her you don’t need her “advice”.

At the time I was struggling (just divorced from DH1, bought my own house on a single salary etc), I happened to bump into “helpful” colleague in a supermarket one weekend. She even had the nerve to start going through my shopping and “suggesting” cheaper or more economical alternatives to the tea bags, loo rolls, bread etc I had already picked up. It was bad enough to be on the receiving end of her advice at work, but to have her standing in Tesco loudly proclaiming that brand X loo rolls were much cheaper than brand Y etc was the end.

Put your foot firmly down OP and tell her to belt up.

expatinscotland · 12/03/2018 08:38

'Thanks but I don't need any budgeting tips unless yours is to hand me a wodge of cash.'

thegreylady · 12/03/2018 16:31

If you have a QVC shop near you you can get good shoes really cheaply. My Sketchers trainers were £9.99.

halfwitpicker · 12/03/2018 16:38

Tell her she can take you out for lunch, but it's her treat.

She'll either A) do so, or
B) Shut up about it

TheQueenOfWands · 12/03/2018 16:44

Ah, 'budgeting'.

I'm so skint at the moment it's scary. I get where you're coming from.

To budget you need money to budget with...

Most of these 'tips' are always bullshit, anyway.

sirlee66 · 12/03/2018 16:52

Even if you were buying meals out every day and branded make up, who is she to tell you how to prioritize your expenditure!?

I'd much rather pay a bit more for branded makeup than go out with work colleagues all the time anyway!!

My advice, keep saying no, morning the budget this month and eventually she'll stop asking?

DuckBilledAardvark · 12/03/2018 16:56

Tell her that you are secretly a millionaire and only doing this job as research for your latest book so you don’t need her kind advice.

sirlee66 · 12/03/2018 17:04

DuckBilled wins. Deffo do that!!

Peanutbuttercups21 · 12/03/2018 17:18

can you ask for a pay rise? She seems to be earning vastly more than you, and you're co-workers.

Maybe that as a bit flippant, sorry.

Just get a bit bored and distracted when she gives you these tips.

She'll figure out eventually

Darkstar4855 · 12/03/2018 17:35

Why not just say that you don’t want to go out? Saying you can’t afford it makes it sound like you would want to go if you could. She probably thinks she’s being helpful giving you tips. If she does it again I would just change the subject and start talking about something else, hopefully she’ll get the hint.

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