Have I fucked up his ability to sleep?

[sleepymummy1]

First time Mum to a 4 month old son. Exclusively breastfeeding, if that's important.

For the first 3 months, we hardly had any routine at all - napped whenever he wanted to and it was never the same from one day to the next. At about 9 weeks, we had a week where he slept about 6-7 hours from 11pm but that didn't last.

Now at 4 months he naps every two hours during the day but that's almost always on my lap while I continually rock him. If I put him down, he cries and then won't go to sleep. These naps are usually between 30-45 mins long.

In the evening this is exactly the same - he doesn't 'go to bed' as I can't put him down until we go up at about 10ish.

During the night, he feeds to sleep and then will go about 4 hours in his crib next to me. Then after a quick feed, will usually have another 3 hours.

What am I doing wrong? I keep being told that he should have 2-3 long naps a day and then needs to go to bed by 7. We have a bath-time routine every night at 6 but he's not interested in a long stretch of sleep until we go to bed...

Obviously it's something stupid that I've done so I am BU but I don't know how to fix this without leaving him to cry, which I don't want to do!

Oh gosh you are so normal OP. You're friend is the weird one!!

Stop stressing and start relaxing, if you can get baby to sleep with pushchair rocking that's great. Don't worry if you cant though.

You'll get there, he's so young.

4hrs then 3hrs for an ebf 4 month old baby is AWESOME. You are doing absolutely nothing wrong, that’s really good going.

My 11 mo is currently waking every 2 hrs at the moment. I try to rock her back to sleep before feeding her but she’s been learned to sign milk and very insistently signs in my face until I relent and feed her. 😂
(She used to do 7hrs, then 4hrs at 3.5 months, it all went to shit at 4 months and we haven’t ever really recovered, although she is particularly bad at the moment!)

Waking through the night is actually healthy, reduces the risk of SIDS apparently.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong. Some people feel the need to form routines from a young age, Some dont. We've never had a routine, we just always follow baby's lead. She's always been cuddled when she wanted cuddles, bedtime when she wanted, fed or rocked to sleep, followed her lead with everything. In her own time she has formed her own routine and goes to sleep independently. Plenty of time for your baby to form their own routine over time and learn to go to sleep without needing cuddles.

Oh and a lot of time people say 'your baby should.....' they basically think their parenting style is the correct parenting style. Babies are all different and develop at their own pace, sleep is developmental. We don't rush or put pressure on other areas of development, so I don't see why we should do it for sleep. Do what works for you

I'm the same height and found the same with the sling, can't do front carries after 4 months, back only.
Mine all moved into that typical 3 naps, 7pm bedtime routine between 4-6 months.
I'd encourage a range of ways to get to sleep, not all on your lap but in the pram, cot etc too. And persevering with putting him down to sleep too.

They are all so very different
Your sounds like a fab routine and like it is working for you.
We had a rhythm more that I time bound routine as it just didn't work for us.
He was nearly 3 before his first 5 hr stretch of sleep. Mostly he woke ever 20 to 90 minutes! Such a light sleeper.

Awww, that's sort of lovely cheby!

@Foodylicious I wouldn't be able to go back to work if my DS woke every 90 mins. I'm not sure I'd cope in this current routine, given that evenings are when I'm planning to mark/ plan etc so I can be at home with him from soon after 3pm when school ends.

Have had 2 DC and my experience was that they didn’t stretch to longer naps until they went down to 2 a day at around 7/8 months old. Mainly I think that’s because they started crawling around then and we’re pulling up and being a lot more active.

I really tried to encourage DS1 into a routine and a proper bedtime and all sorts at 6 months. It caused me angst and stress and he still didn’t settle until at least 9 months. I relaxed a lot more with DS2 and co slept with him. Until he was about 8 months old his bedtime was at our bedtime and he didn’t move into a cot until then. At that stage he started taking 2 naps, in his cot for about 2-3 hours total and settled into a 7pm bedtime. By the time I went back to work we had our wee routine which fitted in with his daycare and I was nowhere near as stressed or anxious.

I wish someone had been able to make me chill out, relax a bit and just enjoy my mat leave with DS1 a bit more. Best advice I can give is go with it for now and try try try to relax. Dont worry about everyone else’s babies and just focus on getting yourself as much sleep as you can!

I wouldn't have thought it either.
I went back when he was 11 months.
Bed sharing and bfing often meant we were back to sleep pretty soon ( though not always)

Come 9 months you could have a night weaned self settling angel and your friends perfect sleeper could be waking every 45 minutes.... you can live in hope!

Yes yes yes to this. Both of my DDs were hard work when it came to sleep and general fussiness in the early days. I used to despair at friends' saying their babies were napping and sleeping through the night. Turns out mine not only improved, but got better than theirs! DD1 still naps for 2 hours a day and sleeps 12 hours a night @ 2.5yo - never in our bed. Keep going OP, and don't always believe everything other mums the you.

Nope. Both of mine were the same at that age. Eldest is an excellent sleeper at age 3. Goes to bed (gets ready, gets in bed alone etc) without complaint. Sleeps all night. Youngest still wants me in bed with him as he falls asleep/if he wakes at night but goes to sleep deliberatly and quickly (around 15 min) and also goes up to bed willingly when told. It will be fine so long as you are firm and instil an appropriate bed time routine when you feel they need one.

Sounds perfectly normal, in fact anything at 4 month sounds normal. Mine was up most of the night, slept in bits and bobs, awake whenever he felt like being awake etc... happened for about 9 months? He would still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night but it was far better. He was sleeping through by 1 and a half and has ever since (now 7). Same as my eldest although he didn’t take as long to sleep through, both sound sleepers now

I was back to work by 6 months with all of mine and couldn't have managed with no routine/no sleep either.

Mine didn’t have any kind of routine at four months. He had a set bedtime but was still taking about five 30min catnaps a day by six months.

It wasn’t until ten months that he started doing those long two-hour daytime naps that babycentre etc talk about! And he only naps in the buggy or on our bed (sleeps fine in the cot at night, but not for naps ). No idea what nursery do with him, his naps there are pretty short and he’s always pretty tired when he gets home.

He still wakes once or twice in the evening to feed (he sleeps from midnight to seven am, which works for me).

Routines that are rigid dont always work, it really does depend on the dc. My sister recommended them as they worked well on her dc . Gina Ford and controlled crying made my dc clingy and really unsettled. Not better sleep. And during a sleep regression everything went out the window.

It really does depend on your baby. I used trial and error. Had a routine in terms of approx bed time but with bath, story and breast before sleep.

You know your baby and it sounds like you are both doing well. Just keep doing what is best.

Sleep regression, 4 months in is a killer. Ride the wave, it won’t last forever but does mess with those little tikes for a bit. Nap wise, my twins always nap best in the pushchair.. maybe try that!

Sounds very similar to my baby at 4 months. She wouldn’t settle in the day except on me or in something that’s moving like the car or pram.
She just kind of got better at it as she got older. Around 6 months I think.
I went back to work when she was 8 months and tried quite hard to get her to self soothe/ get to sleep quicker in the couple of months before I went back. I put her down in the cot when she was asleep (knowing she wouldn’t sleep as long as she would on me), then when she was mostly asleep, then when she was sleepy but not asleep.