Sad and no energy left

[bigupapple]

Sorry not aibu, just need a hand hold ,
My poor mum has been unwell for 20 years since I was a child, I've always been her carer, this last year she moved into a lovely care home near to me and I see her every day, it's just getting to the point where I don't want to go, it's so upsetting, sometimes she can't speak , just makes noises, constantly battling chest infections, in and out of hosp, when she goes in, I normally spend hours there each day repeating myself to the nurses and doctors as she can't speak , tho now I'm 8 months pregnant I'm exhausted I'm broken and I just can't do it, I can see see needs to go back into hosp, antibiotics she's on now arnt strong enough, but if she goes in and I don't go with her and speak /fight for her and doesn't come out I'll never forgive myself, but I've nothing left, I have no other family to speak off, I have an amazing husband but he has to keep our business going, I want to be happy, I've waited so long to be pregnant but it's overshadowed with worry all the time, and now I think the worst, and that at a time when I'm ment to be happy that will get taken away from me aswell 😕 I don't know what to do, or what I even I can do anymore

It's okay to concentrate on self preservation. Honestly it is.

Your mum is in a care home and they presumably have some responsibility for her care, let them shoulder some of it. Have you spoken properly to them about care plans etc?

Could you write down relative information in bullet points to take with her to hospital so you can gain some time back there?

If your mum has awareness explain to her - it may be hard to say and hard for her to hear but she will understand. In truth this isn't going to get easier once you've had your baby and setting the boundaries now is a good idea. Your priorities will recalibrate naturally and you need to start learning how to unburden yourself of this guilt now.

You will still love and be there for your mum but you are a mum yourself now and that has to change how things are. I know how hard it all is but you need to step back where ever possible now, you can't be everywhere at once and it's not fair to anyone.