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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Twaticus

24 replies

MiserableMoaner · 11/03/2018 12:27

Name changed for this.

The Kids have just got back from the ex.

We had text wars last night over him cutting his time with them short choosing his family/work over his kids.

He has read every text to the kids. He has turned them against me.

Things are horrible here.... he’s the better parent aparantly and I am the worst parent in the world.

Snot and Tears flowing here 🤧

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 11/03/2018 12:31

Oh the horrible cunt. How old are your children.

LanguidLobster · 11/03/2018 12:37

He should not be using them as weapons - please resist the urge to retaliate in kind but say it got overheated as you wanted him to see them more often, but both of you love them.

jaseyraex · 11/03/2018 12:42

That's awful! I hate parents who put their kids in the middle and use them against the other parent. How old are your kids? Explain to them that all you wanted was for him to spend more time with them, and any unkind words were said in the heat of the moment. Hope your day gets better OP Flowers

Aprilmightmemynewname · 11/03/2018 12:52

They will know the real him in time. My ex told my dc I was a prostitute!! His every waking moment was to try and destroy me. My sons are nc with him now. Been 2 years. Best years ever for us all.

DaisyInTheChain · 11/03/2018 12:57

Oh that is beyond the awesome word you used.

What a total %#£/€¥

Hopefully it should calm down at home, I would advise if he's going to display such poor parenting skills, maybe you need to look into how much time he has with them. Threaten him with formal proceedings etc to review the current situation.

I have experience of this but when Dad is out the way DC are totally different, it's like he did this on purpose, trying possibly to make it seem you didn't want them.

Hope it gets better today CakeThanks

Original poster
MiserableMoaner · 11/03/2018 13:03

Thanks everyone they are 11 and 9. Both girls.

The eldest has said she wants to live with him but that I wouldn’t let her. I have told her that if that’s what she wants I will arrange it for her. She asked him and he said no, he wished he could but he couldn’t at the moment.

I sat them down and read through the court agreements as he has told them I wouldn’t let him see them. He got everything he asked for I didn’t contest any of it but he still wasn’t happy and wanted more - the 2 things I asked for.

I think I need legal advice as surely this is emotional abuse of the kids.

Whenever the kids have wanted to see him I have always arranged it as I know they miss him but not any more. This has destroyed me. Court ordered contact only now. He can’t pick them up and dump them whenever he wants.

OP posts:
Original poster
MiserableMoaner · 11/03/2018 13:15

Hi Daisy

We have all had a good cry. I can’t believe the nastiness totally unnecessary. We are all in a much better place than when I first posted.

I think you are right he was making out that I didn’t want them - it couldn’t be further from the truth, especially on Mother’s Day. I put their needs first as it was his scheduled weekend and they wanted to see him but he bought them home early so he could take his mum for a meal. Why the hell wouldn’t you take your kids. My head will explode if I try to understand him 🤯

It made me snigger that you liked his name, Twatticus, i’d love to use that to replace his name on my mobile but can’t for obvious reasons lol.

I am feeling much better and will try and salvage the day by going to visit my Mum.

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
FranticallyPeaceful · 11/03/2018 13:19

What an absolute cuntfest. Maybe you are shitty to him, maybe you’re shitty to everybody, but as long as you aren’t shitty to them he should keep his fucking nose out and respect you as their mother.
I say all kinds of shit to my ex when I’m in a mood (I’m very pregnant and easily angered though) and he wouldn’t ever show them, because he knows people argue sometimes and behind that it doesn’t matter

DaisyInTheChain · 11/03/2018 13:27

Hey MM,

A good cry often clears things pretty well, but he shouldn't have instigated this at all.

Trying to think of an example - Lift Music - something came on my radar recently of why not do that with DC but can't think for me what it was. In a rational persons head one might assume his Mum would want to see GC.

To me being totally on your side, I'm guessing once mother has eaten there's a match or he just wants a drink, having the DC would make this tricky.

Can he be Sir Twaticus the First Grin

Original poster
MiserableMoaner · 11/03/2018 13:45

He most certainly can/is lol

I think I was quite reserved during the text wars. I simply pointed out that he should have called the restaurant and tried to add them. I also pointed out that there were Fathers up and down the country who would kill to see their kids and that he shouldn’t put his needs before those of his kids (not just talking about today but things he has done in the past - again bringing them home early so he could go out/go for a meal/complete work he has bought home. That doesn’t explain it too well but I have honestly put the kids needs first Easter/Christmas/today - as they have wanted to see him and have missed him. So I have arranged it. Never again. I am a fool to myself.

OP posts:
Greyponcho · 11/03/2018 13:51

He sounds like a lazy cheapskate tbh, not wanting to pay for his mum and his children for a meal out.
Oh, and a twat for using them as pawns - nasty move on his part

Greyponcho · 11/03/2018 13:52

Sir Twatticus The First

He won’t be the last on MN, that’s for sure Grin

Original poster
MiserableMoaner · 11/03/2018 13:59

Unfortunately not Greyponcho lots of Twatticus’s out there

I don’t think it was about paying for them - his Dad is probably paying. I think it’s more of a control issue. He can see them as and when he wants regardless of the court agreement. He has told them he will see them next weekend I have told him no way as it was his decision to bring them home early. He told me that the court decision was that the girls would be with me this weekend so he’s just sticking to the court agreement! I tried to explain again that the kids wanted to see him and I had arranged to ‘do’ mother’s day on Monday because they missed him and that I was putting their needs first and that he wasn’t and never had. He then text me that I was talking crap! 😳

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 11/03/2018 14:09

Children often take it out on the safe parent. Don't read too much into their reaction.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 11/03/2018 14:11

How can your texts have turned them against You?

Original poster
MiserableMoaner · 11/03/2018 14:13

Thanks blackeyed they were calling him for everything earlier - I asked them to stop as it wasn’t right. I know he’s a gobshite but I also know they love him. I told them that they didn’t have to try to make me feel better and I didn’t want to hear nasty things about their dad as I knew they loved him and didn’t really mean it.

I can’t believe my gesture of doing something nice has been twisted and used against me.

OP posts:
SmurfOrTerf · 11/03/2018 14:23

I agree with blackeyedsusan, my XH told my kids all sorts of BS.
Now they are adults and both of them are NC with their F.
I never bad mouthed him even though I wanted to but as they got older they saw him for what he is.
Twaticus indeed

Clutterbugsmum · 11/03/2018 16:31

I would suggest you stick to the court order to the letter, no more seeing him as when he feels like it. Your children are old enough to understand that it not dad's weekend.

As long as you let him/them do as he wants you are always going to be the bad guy.

Original poster
MiserableMoaner · 11/03/2018 16:58

I agree he will never change. I am too soft and when they want to see him I do my best to make it happen.

He has shown his true twatticusgobshittieus colours and I need to learn from this to protect myself and the kids.

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to reply my snot and tears have been wiped away or dried up.

OP posts:
Bitsandbobsalot · 11/03/2018 17:18

My heart goes out to you. His behaviour is bloody awful.

My sons father was like this always slagging me off to him while playing dad of the year. Except he wasn’t. He never paid maintenance and was always late or a no show. Making promises he couldn’t keep. I was always the bad guy no matter what. It felt like nothing I ever did was good enough. My ds is 19 now and sees his dad for what he is. A waste of space and a billy bull shitter. He now realises how many lies he told/tells him and calls him out on it regularly.

You dds will see the truth too. Keep doing the right thing. Keep putting them first. Don’t respond with emotions to them. I always found that “that’s not true or that’s not nice” worked best while having a quiet cry to myself later on. Also stick to the court order. You owe this man nothing more that order states.

I know it’s hard right now but kids aren’t a stupid as he thinks and eventually they will see it for themselves. Flowers

Indigokitten · 11/03/2018 17:26

Bless you for trying to do the ‘right thing ‘ for your children. My eldest son’s biological parent was in my phone as SD, (when asked I said son’s dad) rather than Sperm Doner

Original poster
MiserableMoaner · 11/03/2018 18:19

Thanks bits... I love the reference as Billy Bull Shitter.... lol it made me snigger.

I love the SD reference too. I believe he has changed my name in his phone to something less favourable but what the hell i don’t care.

I think it all caught me off guard I really wasn’t expecting a bit of a backlash from the kids. He must be pissing himself laughing.

Thinking of what to change his name to.

OP posts:
Deschain · 11/03/2018 19:38

Sorry you're going through this. Change his name to CF. That will serve as a reminder that MN is behind you Flowers

Original poster
MiserableMoaner · 11/03/2018 20:52

Lol that is true so his full title now is....

Sir Twatticus Gobshite Cheeky Fucker the first... suits him lol

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