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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not an AIBU but am posting for traffic for advice

49 replies

Chickinlikin · 11/03/2018 09:22

I have agreed to help decorate my friend's 17 year old daughter's bedroom when she is away on holiday as a surprise. I am thinking grey walls with a bit of mustard colour or maybe some wallpaper panels - anyone done similar?

OP posts:

bakingdemon · 13/03/2018 21:52

I'm with everyone saying this is a big invasion of privacy. I wouldn't have spoken to my mum for a week if she'd done this to my room. 17 year old brain goes: My room, my space, my stuff = no one else rooting around in there.

whampiece · 13/03/2018 21:58

Absolutely no to doing this.

SilverySurfer · 13/03/2018 22:08

pawpatrolearworm
If I came back from holiday and found my room painted mustard and grey I would go apeshit!

This.

Nor would ochre be any better than mustard IMO - the 17 year old should be asked - why would you not?

fourandnomore · 13/03/2018 22:18

I love that combination of colours but I am 40 and would not have as a 17 year old. She may not either and I agree with everyone else saying she may feel upset at the invasion of her privacy, her mum knows her best, so I would have an honest discussion about the privacy issue with her. Pinterest board is a great idea.

babydreamer1 · 13/03/2018 23:03

I'd do a grey and white base and perhaps some rose gold/geometric patterns on accessories. Focus on a nice desk area with some nice coordinating stationary and plenty of storage. This way if she doesn't like it or fancies a change later on she can just update accessories. Go look around places like Zara home and Primark as they generally have cheaper on trend homeware suited to teens as opposed to high quality classic items that adults would use for years. Also use Pinterest for ideas.

Original poster

Chickinlikin · 14/03/2018 20:18

babydreamer1 my thought was to paint the walls with a soft grey base and then do framed panels of a geometric wallpaper with white, ochre and grey - nothing old fashioned. As you say that way she could easily change it if she wanted. I was maybe going to buy her a throw and a cushion. To be honest the girl concerned is very close to her mum and I don't think she would kick off at all - in fact I think she would be delighted.

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 14/03/2018 20:22

It may be her DM's house, but a 17 year olds bedroom should be a private, safe space. I would have hated anyone poking about my bedroom at that age. She should at least get the heads up on the plan, so that she can move/hide anything personal.

JosephWearsNoPants · 14/03/2018 20:25

horrible idea, kind sentiment.
please dont do it.. its her private space ffs.

JosephWearsNoPants · 14/03/2018 20:27

no matter how close you need privacy and you still have secrets that you don't wabt your mum and her friend to find

goodness have you forgotten what it's like to be a teen living at home?! bad bad idea.

Beeziekn33ze · 14/03/2018 20:34

Offer to help your friend's DD with decorating when she's home. Otherwise respect her privacy!

agentdaisy · 14/03/2018 20:47

Sorry op but ochre/mustard are horrible colours.

She's 17 not 7 and I very much doubt she'll be happy that her room has been messed with while she's away.

I was incredibly close to my mum and I'd have gone absolutely mental of she'd done this. My room was my only private space in what was someone else's house and I had my own taste and style that I wanted for my room.

If it were my friend doing this I'd be trying my best to talk them into waiting for the dd to get home or at least asking the dd what she'd like for her room and making sure she was okay with it being done while she was away.

It's a nice sentiment but a terrible idea to do this without asking the dd first.

agentdaisy · 14/03/2018 20:55

Fwiw I wouldn't do this to my 10 and 7 year old dds never mind a 17 year old. Obviously I decorate their room but they have input into what colours they want and what style they have. I may not always love what they pick (currently it looks like a unicorn has exploded in there) but, while it's my house, it's their room.

TitaniasCloset · 15/03/2018 01:18

Out of all the posts that are unanimously saying no and why, you pick up on the one lone supportive post OP. Interesting.

Kitchenbound · 15/03/2018 03:15

Ok so yes and no... I think you and her DM doing up her room while she is away is a lovely idea but i also think she should be involved in the designing/colour picking before she goes. It won't really ruin the surprise but she'll get something that she'll love and she has a chance to hide anything personal

SD1978 · 15/03/2018 03:21

The grey/yellow thing is quite popular/ the mustard/yellow is usually acheived with accents.

SD1978 · 15/03/2018 03:23

Such as- I quite like it!

Not an AIBU but am posting for traffic for advice

SD1978 · 15/03/2018 03:24

But agree- at 17 this could very easily bee seen as highly invasive, and not the stories your friend is hoping for. I probably would have been disappointed from 10 and irate from 13 if this happened without my input.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 15/03/2018 04:08

Another vote to consult the 17 yr old first, for all the excellent reasons given.

Has your friend been influenced by reality shows such as the Nick Knowles one where there is a big emotional 'reveal'? If so, please discourage her. It won't necessarily go the way she wants.

Xocaraic · 15/03/2018 05:40

No. It is 17 y/o sanctuary. Changing it should be done is consultation with 17 y/o.

MissEliza · 15/03/2018 07:36

I stayed with a shit bedroom for years. Then when I was away for the summer when I was 18, my dps decorated it as a 'surprise'. It was awful. Please consult the girl.

Original poster

Chickinlikin · 15/03/2018 17:56

SD1978 that was the kind of colour combination I was thinking but it's not really up to me. Her mum has asked my advice and I have offered to help. I know what you are all saying. For what it's worth if someone had done my room up when I was away I would have been chuffed to bits but I guess everyone is different. I think I will wait and see what the girl wants to do herself. On that note when all of you are ripping to bits my colour suggestions do you have any other suggestions for a 17 year old girl's room (maybe with photos) - that's all I was really after in the first place.

OP posts:

pigsDOfly · 15/03/2018 18:26

That picture doesn't make the grey/yellow combination look any more attractive than in looks in my head.

slashlover · 15/03/2018 18:34

do you have any other suggestions for a 17 year old girl's room (maybe with photos)

As everyone else has said, it depends on her taste. Some teenagers like pink and sparkly, some paint their room black, some like bright colours and some like neutrals. It's impossible for anyone to recommend anything.

AthenaAshton · 15/03/2018 18:39

Chicken, I don't think anyone's "ripping your colour suggestions to bits". I think it's more a case of people wondering whether grey and ochre would be the choice of a 17 yo girl. I was (am) incredibly close to my mum, and had absolutely nothing to hide at 17 apart from a "woe is me" diary, but I still wouldn't have been happy if I'd come home and found that everything had been moved around by my mum and one of her friends (particularly the latter). My DC wouldn't, either. One of mine did ask me to paint her room while she was abroad, but she chose the colour in advance and was very specific about which bits of the room she wanted to have it in. She was very pleased with the result, but she wouldn't have thanked me for trying to second-guess her taste. My only suggestion is for your friend to ask her DD what she would like.

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