Should I have another baby? Wwyd?

[gnarlington]

My husband and DS really want me to have a baby, I would like one too but just don't think my mental health would take it!
I am severely emetophobic and worry about vomit all the time. Since having DS (4) the phobia has got much worse, as well as very low self esteem, panic attacks, weight gain. I just feel like I don't give a shit about myself. DS started school this year which has made my phobia go into over drive, constantly checking if anyone is ill, worrying all the time etc.
I adore my DS but find being a mother very hard, I always liked to have time to myself before, and this is now becoming much more available as he grows up.
My DH and DS would love to have a baby, but I'm so scared. I'd need to lose at least 3 stone before I even considered it because I put on so much weight the first time around and never shifted it.
There is a big part of me that would love to have another, I originally wanted 4!
I know no one can really give me an answer, but what would you do I'm my situation?

Sorry, should have said I have tried loads of different types of therapy. Am starting high intensity CBT on tues. Have had CBT before but going to try it again.

I think come back to this in six months and see how you feel. If you can lose (some of) the weight that you want to, and feel more in control of yourself - then sure, consider it seriously.

It sounds like having another baby right now would be an extra stress that you don’t need, and that wouldn’t help you to feel better about yourself. I think focus on yourself first, and re-evaluate in a while.

Can you get counselling? To help you with your phobia and explore your feelings around having another child? Perhaps talk to your GP, or there are social enterprise/charity organisations that offer counselling for not huge amounts of money

Take your 4 year old out of the equation. His desires are not relevant here.
Is your husband aware of what a difficult situation you are in regarding your phobia and the impact it is having on you?

I have emetophobia too, it can get a lot better. For me, slow exposure therapy helped via films. I used to avoid every single advert that even mentioned it.
When dd was a baby and had reflux and spit up I used to panic. I still would if she was to actually be ill, but I think the mothering instinct kicks in. But therapy can really help you. I'd get your mind in order first. Loose your weight, go on more walks etc get you healthy. I always found loosing weight for me and eating the right foods in particular just changed my mood entirely. Then as soon as I went back to chocolate etc I'm almost instantly depressed. Food really is key I think.
You still have plenty of time here to have another little one, focus on you now for a bit :)

Thank you for your kind words. I'll try and focus on myself for a while, but it's so hard when I just don't seem to care!