Exiled

[Contesse]

Have gone through an unwanted break up in the last few months. We live together (same sex couple) and neither of us can move owing to a rental crisis in an expensive city. We also have a flatmate. It's my ex partner's and the flatmate's lease on the place, not mine, but we all pay equal rent. My ex is saying that I have to move into the box room and sleep on the floor on a mat. It's a really tiny room, you wouldn't get a single bed in there. I can't move and I don't want any of this situation. I don't want to be on a mat in a sleeping bag at 34, heartbroken, with a recent ex in 'my' bed next door. I'm a huge homebird and the whole thing is really tough. How tf do I sort this?

Could you two take it in turns to sleep in the box room. My DB and his ex did this when they split up during their tenancy with one sleeping on the sofa for a week and then swapping.

Alternatively, you sleep in the box room at a greatly reduced rent, your ex pays the rest and you save as much as possible so you can move out ASAP?

I don't see you have a choice if you stay there.

Me, I would be moving hell and high water to get out, even if it was a room elsewhere.

So technically, could she kick you out if you aren't on the lease? Did you pay for the bed?

That sounds really hard - can you pay less for the box room, start looking into getting out ASAP and keep out of the way as much as you can?

Sorry you're feeling a bit heartbroken. Have you got any debt? Could you use overdraft/loan to help with moving?

I don't have debt but rent in our city is so expensive that I can't save. I really don't know how to get this situation sorted.

Is the bed yours? I would find a flat share elsewhere. Even in London you can find a decent place for very cheap. That way if bed is yours just take it with you. I live in south London and prices for flat share can be as little as £300 a month for a small room big enough for a single bed. If you need help there are websites to find a new flatshare/houseshare. You need out so you can move on. Most houseshares are bills included as well. Look for a room like that so you don’t have to think about extra unexpected prices each month

And yes ignore you aren’t on the lease you don’t have any right to be there but on the plus side you also don’t have to give any notice to move out and you are not liable for any rent owed!

Because not ignore

So your not on the lease well tbh I would just leave and get flat/house share somewhere else

Just rent a room elsewhere

There really is no point staying where you are

Check on gumtree lots of folk advertise rooms on there

How much do you pay?

Look into houseshares. As you don't have a lease you're technically homeless so to speak, so your local council may be able to help.

Any local friends you can visit to have a good cry?

It's ok, you'll heal in time, most difficult thing is right now

This sounds shit all round. Is your ex a reasonable sort?

If you're going to be sleeping in the box room would a reduced rent to compensate be worth mooting?

Do you have any roots anywhere else? Do you work? I think you might have to consider a drastic overhaul of your entire life in order to get out of this.

No, I live in Dublin- even had I buckets of money places are very very hard to find. Moving isn't an option, as I'd have to give up what income I do have. Like it's bunk beds in shared rooms with strangers for my rough budget. This is supposed to be a home.

I can't understand why would moving mean giving up all your income. Like other posters I would advise just moving out asap, you aren't liable for rent and it would help you put the relationship behind you. Hope you find a solution, it is a rubbish situation as it stands.

Did you pay anything into deposit you could claim back

Sorry I meant moving away out of the city as opposed to moving out. The only place I could go is my parents', and they basically live in a remote village beyond a commute away. What I earn covers myself with very little room for anything extra, there's coins left at the end of the month and that's it. You have to go on a waiting list for a council house, its years long and I'm not eligible anyway because I work and I don't have dependants.

I just feel so shit about myself and everything else.

If it’s that hard to get a room then surely a small box room is appealing and you are being a tad cheeky by not giving your ex her room back?

FWIW is it not best to make some future plans?

Surely there’s no joy living in Dublin, in a box room with your ex and having only coins left at the end of the month!

Ok so parents are beyond the commute - is there any work in their area for a few months to save up?

Have you spoken to ex about paying less for the box room? Can you just ask around to see if someone knows a place going/corner shop adverts/any way to increase money in the short term, e.g. barwork/call centre?

A quick google gives lots of house-shares in Dublin around 440 euros for a room per month inc bills.... there are some cheaper but not sure what you're looking for.
As you're not on the lease I honestly think you need to try to move out ASAP.

Where are you finding those? That price is currently shared rooms, digs, or far enough out of the city to make life impossible.