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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To disapprove of a colleague's support for a probable predator?

8 replies

HecatesBroom · 10/03/2018 19:02

We have a male colleague who has been suspended while enquiries are being carried out and it very much seems that he has acted inappropriately with one or more pupils in the past (not in our school as far as we know). Obviously it's up to the courts to decide if he is guilty or not, but as far as I can gather he has been warned in the past so it is probably true.
Earlier I was party to a conversation when another male colleague - probably about the same age, the father of young children, was saying that he'd sent a message of moral support saying that as the bloke hadn't done anything which had caused him, personally, any problems, then he was not going to be treating him like a pariah.
I think it's fairly clear that the bloke will never teach again and I am unlikely to ever bump into him in the street. I would certainly be polite if I were to see him, but it's the bit about not having been affected personally that bothers me.
Surely, as parents, as responsible members of society, we should be supporting the victims of a predator and their parents, who must be living a nightmare, rather than the predator even if he is our (soon to be ex) colleague?
Needless to say, the school administration is conducting a masssive damage limitation exercise........ but apparently the education authority knew he'd had a previous warning, so if and when it gets in to the papers this could get very messy.

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 10/03/2018 19:06

Hang on a minute, what if he's innocent?

WeeMadArthur · 10/03/2018 19:07

I think that a lot of people have been able to get away with a lot of bad things in the past because of the attitude that your colleague is showing. So what if he hasn’t done anything to him directly, if he has done anything to harm other people that should be enough surely?

HecatesBroom · 10/03/2018 19:15

Emma: I appreciate that he may be innocent, although it looks unlikely. We shall have to let the courts decide.
It's the other colleague's "I'm all right Jack" attutude that bothers me: I'm sure if it was his daughter who'd been the victim of a predator he'd be the first one to be baying for blood.

OP posts:
QuizzlyBear · 10/03/2018 19:24

My step-brother was 'mildly to moderately' sexually abusive to me when I was 11 and my brother when he was 9 (SB was 16). We kept what happened to ourselves for the sake of the family.

He's now a secondary school teacher and has gone on to have multiple affairs behind his partner's back, usually with vulnerable women, and has had an affair with a 16-year old pupil.

His wife, our parents and friends that know about it have all considered it to be 'boys being boys' and probably 'six of one...'

We are no longer in contact, though I'm still close to the rest of my family. It sickens me that they'd condone this sort of predatorial behaviour as long as they can sweep it under the rug because it doesn't affect them
Personally and it's easier to ignore. Totally agree OP.

Camelsinthegobi · 10/03/2018 19:27

Sexual abuse is horrible and noone wants to believe someone they know can do such a thing. His reaction is soooo common and so very dangerous.

DalekDalekDalek · 10/03/2018 20:07

Innocent until proven guilty.

Oldraver · 10/03/2018 20:11

Ok putting to one side that...innocent until proven etc.

I would be seriously wondering why someone was willing to be supportive of a predator...maybe another predator ?

Maybe your colleague should think how it would appear to others that someone in his position was supporting a predator

FellOutOfBed2wice · 10/03/2018 20:17

I had a relationship with one of my teachers from mid teens til I was in my early 20s. Looking back I was groomed from aged 12 or 13. He’s still teaching and when I tried to complain about him in the mid noughties had a massive back lash from his colleagues and former colleagues displaying similar attitudes to the ones you describe. I would like to think times have moved on and your colleague will end up being unable to teach but I suspect they haven’t unless he’s been actively having sex with an under 16.

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