Pregnant colleague cramping my style/being intense and awkward?

[Belledujam]

Hi guys! Just needed someone to
Talk this through with and my DH doesn’t get why it annoys me so much.

I’m 30 weeks pregnant with with my 1st- and a colleague, who is higher up than me at work but in a different department is about 20 weeks. Since she found out I was pregnant (I announced later than her, despite being further along, just because I wanted to keep things secret as long as possible after m/c last year), she doesn’t leave me alone, cornering me at work and at lunch and grilling me about my pregnancy choices, birth plans, nursery, baby names you name it. I don’t have her on social media, but she seems
to have insight into my
Private IG posts (I wonder if she checks them
On another colleagues phone?) and comments on nursery styles etc similar to mine, in kind of a mean way (critical). She complains a lot about not feeling well, being sick etc. Which sucks for her, but after my MC I feel blessed at every symptom no matter how annoying! And I’m
Also quite private so don’t talk to often about my annoying boobs or wtv. She will also comment on how perfect my pregnancy is, if I joke about anything ie peeing a lot at night or wtv she will say ‘Oh something that isn’t sunshine and rainbows in your pregnancy?’ We know the gender but haven’t announced, but she constantly tells me she doesn’t believe me, she asks me about names etc. She has announced she’s having a girl, which is lovely, but she’s desperate to know what I have and I think has a little gender disappointment as she Was saying how she didn’t know how she would deal with a girly girl as she is such a Tom boy. She then went on to say that she bet I’m having a boy, and how lucky I would be... she also goes out
Of her way to comment on my body, hat I’m showing ‘neat’, or mean things like ‘wtf are you wearing?!’ When I’m wearing soemthing as innocuous as a pink jumper. I dunno guys, I desperate want
To tell her to F OFF but can’t as she’s higher up than me and friends with my boss. I try to keep out of her way but I feel
Like she’s hunting me down. What do I do? Am I being impatient and unreasonable? :(

She sounds annoying but probably not worth making things awkward by saying how you really feel. Can you just smile and nod and then excuse yourself to go to the loo/meet a friend for lunch/get to a meeting?

Go cold on her. Just short of being rude, but enough to make your point. She’s not being friendly. She sounds deeply insecure and mean-spirited. So sorry, OP. You should be able to enjoy your pregnancy without this nonsense!

All I can say is I've had sort of a similar thing in my workplace and I do sympathise.

My strategy has been to use grey rock - easier said than done but try and channel the convo back to boring technical work related issues so it doesn't get so personal iyswim. Or distance myself while being basically polite. This strategy doesn't give the 'hunter' much leverage - the most they can say is "you're quiet" to which you blame work related pressures!! It just leaves these types of people with nowhere to go!

I can get why this is annoying.

Re instagram, I'd make your privacy settings more extreme (no work unless you are 100% sure that she wouldn't access their account).

I'd avoid her if you can! Can you start 'feeling faint', in that whenever you see her just rush off feeling faint/quest etc.

She probably feels you've stolen her thunder as you're ahead of her and maybe wants to make sure she isn't being accused of copying you?

Congratulations by the way!

Not quest, queasy sorry.

She sounds odd and a total pain. I'd not give her any info at all, be very very aloof and avoid as much as possible! Act entirely uninterested in her.

For some people Everything is a competition, I don't get it cuz it sounds exhausting. The advice given on trying to redirect the conversation back to work might help.

Or if you mainly see her on breaks or at lunch maybe just go elsewhere then the normal break room.

Try to avoid her. If she corners you tell her you are bored with talking about babies, how is her department doing? Keep telling yourself it's only another few weeks........

'No baby talk today please. Babied out from the weekend'.

Agree change all your privacy settings. Don't mention, getting up in the night for a wee unless its to let the dog out.

You must have another two months max at work, no? The end is in sight! Just try not to engage, and remember that this is someone very insecure trying to make you insecure too.

Thanks! I think you’re right, it gets me down sometimes and make and want to avoid the break room!

Good advice! I actually do have a dog so that’s perfect!

You can get away with saying anything you like if you smile brightly while saying it.

“That’s really not your business”
“I’m not going to discuss that”

Etc etc

I’d also consider discussing your boss.

Discussing with your boss obvs

“I’m not going to discuss that”

^^ Accompanied by hard meaningful stare. Really mean it. You won’t have to say it more than once, I bet.

Competitive pregnancy, whatever next?!

Pregnancy bores are a nightmare. I was pregnant at the same time as a colleague and it was suddenly like we were bezzies and had both lost our brain at the same time as our virginity- all she talked about was weeing, aches and pains, and bubba-kicking.

I just glazed over and got on with my job. My own pregnancy wasn't that interesting to me and certainly didn't detract from my own life and job, so I was fucked if someone else's was going to!

You guys are all so funny and helpful! Work tomorrow, feeling better about it already :)

The other thing to remember Belle is that you don’t have to stand their and listen just because she wants to talk.

Just excuse yourself and walk off.

Go back to your desk/excuse yourself to the loo/see someone else.

Never say you are going to get a coffee/lunch as she invite herself.

You are of course also quite entitled to tell her she’s being rude.

Stand there