Gift giving

[starryeyed19]

Will try not to drip feed but could really use some advice on what to do. My BF and I have been together for almost three years. It's a long distance relationship and we're doing OK. We see each other as often as we can and phone and all the rest.

This Mother's Day I thought it would be nice to buy his mum a present. She's always been really lovely and welcoming to me and I don't get to see her very often so I can't take her out for a meal or anything. I bought her a book I thought she might like for about £15

My BF is kind of being weird about it. Whenever I buy him or anyone a gift, 95% of the time I get told I shouldn't have and I should save my money. Which he kind of has a point with, but AIBU to feel really crappy about this? I'm not expecting gifts in return or anything but I don't really understand why he says this every time I buy something for him or send some flowers to his mum.

Am I being weird? Is he being weird?

What did he say before going 'weird'? Does he think you have stepped over the line with his family? Drifting into DIL territory perhaps? Does he buy her a mother's day gift? Maybe he thinks it will make his Mother feel awkward?

I think you should speak to him again and take his lead. It sounds like a lovely gesture on your part but if he is still 'weird' about it, perhaps you can save it for a visit and give it as a house guest or thank you present.

No, I checked with him beforehand. He was fine with me giving her a gift. He actively encourages me to talk to her and they both talk about how I am part of the family which is very nice of them. He just said "That was a nice present you bought for Mum" and then it turned into this weird thing about how nice and generous I was (I'm really not) and how he wasn't and was awkward with gestures (he isn't) and how I shouldn't be doing it anyway because I have no money and am having to scrimp and save.

I've just ended up feeling really bad for doing it. And I don't really know why.

Some people just dont like gifts, for various reasons and it can actually be upsetting when people ignore their preference. If he is like this its likely his mother/family is the same. Why not just stop forcing presents on them, is it that big a deal?

Sounds like his issue. That he is actually feeling guilty that you’ve spent the money and he thinks you’re a bit hard up or that he think he gives shit gifts.

Maybe his mum thinks you shouldn’t be spending your money on her and is giving him a hard time about it.

Why don’t you ask him?

So he was happy for you to buy her a gift and now he is being 'weird' because he thinks you have made more of an effort than him. Is he worried that you overspend on gifts? Worried that you are in debt? Is it a competitive thing?

A £15 book you know she would like doesn't sound OTT at all. Less expensive and generic than a delivered bouquet and thoughtful if they refer to you as part of the family.