Mother’s Day ‘vouchers’

[ladyinka]

Long time lurcher, first time poster so please bear with me.

DS(8) attends a wonderful local scout (beavers) group, they’ve been excellent in many many ways with badges and activities which always feel relevant and well thought through. All parents chip in and we have good ‘working’ relationship with the leaders.

Last session the kids prepared secret Mother’s Day presents, some of them are obvious (eg flowers) so I kind of pretend I cannot see them till tomorrow;) But a moment ago I accidentally came across a scrunched up ‘vouchers book’ (it was clearly only half filled in and all forgotten in DS pocket which I had to empty when putting a wash on). It’s one of those little paper booklets where you can take out a leaf with IOUs and it seem to be one of the things that kids were working on during their last scout session.

Now I love the idea of IOUs especially if they are thoughtfully personalised for a recipient. But this one has a pre-printed dozen IOUs which contain gems as ‘one night off dishes’, ‘help with laundry’, ‘7 days of sweeping crumbs in the kitchen’...

AIBU to think that this is taken out of a very old scout guide book, it reinforces gender stereotypes and teaches little boys that their contribution to running a household is in fact an occasional treat to their future wives but is not be expected in normal course of things?

AIBU to think that this is particularly inappropriate message to distribute less than a week from International Women’s Day where we celebrated the progress we made towards equality?

Luckily it seems that my DS was probably as miffed as I’d be and seems to have all forgotten about the vouchers - in our house full of men (DH, two DSs) and where both parents are working everyone has very equitable share of household, childcare and other responsibilities. Otherwise the next birthday present DS would be getting is a voucher book of ‘one dinner cooked for you’, type of IOUs! (light hearted).

And finally - WIBU to mention something (quietly) to the scout leaders?

Yes, YWBU. You don't like their idea? Come up with something better yourself and volunteer to run it rather than slate the other volunteers.

Alternatively suggest they do the same vouchers for Father’s Day

Maybe slightly unreasonable? BUT its absolutely not down to your DS. I would be more tempted to send a polite note (anonymously if you want) to scout leaders with a suggestion of what they could do instead.

Scouts is now open to both sexes. My dd has some wonderful female role models from scouting from the older children and from adult leaders. Be one yourself?

YANBU. It's this kind of insidious sexism that is the basis of gender bias. You don't have to come up with a better idea yourself to object to this - if they can't think of something that's not perpetuating gender stereotypes it would be much better to do nothing.

Didn’t get past Long time lurcher I’m afraid

(Why the long face??)

Bit unreasonable to complain. It sounds like a low cost, thoughtful present that can be made at in an evening. If you don't like it volunteer yourself and come up with some ideas for next year. It's very easy criticise but very difficult to do it yourself.

YABU. If you share all the household chores then presumably you do the dishes and put washes on sometimes. These vouchers are for those times. You are overthinking this.

It's not slating volunteers. It's perfectly reasonable feedback.

How about explaining the problem and suggesting instead that each Cub comes up with a voucher idea that they know their DM would like?

For example, my dc know that 'breakfast in bed' vouchers would be wasted on me (I don't like breakfast in bed) but that a pack of 'back-rub' vouchers would be most welcome.

Maybe not the best message but I don't think one scout project will undermine all the work you and your son's father have put into teaching him that household chores are shared by everyone.

Thanks for the comments.

I’m really not moaning about the volunteers - they do amazing job there and I do help out whenever possible (beside working full time, I also volunteer in another organisation so I simply could not commit more time to the scouts but I do appreciate very much the efforts and time such work take). As I said, usually their activities are very thoughtful and relevant- it was just this one piece which I thought was odd.

I also did not suggest I’d complain to the leaders - I thought more of a constructive feedback type of informal conversation. But if IABU in perceiving this as stereotyping in the first place then I’ll just keep quiet (and enjoy the chocs&flowers tomorrow instead ;))

Lamphat - I meant lurker! Damn autocorrect and fat fingers...

Lamphat

I can see where you're coming from OP, although obviously it's down to you/his dad to teach him that this sort of work isn't just for mums.

I can see where you are coming from too. But I don't think you can mention it to Scouts without upsetting them. I agree it's down to you to lead by example so they don't absorb these shitty attitudes.