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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just go into a passive aggressive strop for the evening...

14 replies

MiserableOldBat · 10/03/2018 16:12

We've had a run of bad luck for a couple of years and things have been far from easy.

The latest cause of stress is that we're trying to buy a house but it isn't going as smoothly as it could.

Our 1 year old has had chicken pox and is teething and is learning to walk so having that developmental sleep regression thing.

So, we're both nackered and stressed. We both work full time.

I do the majority of the night time wake ups just because I hear them first and respond. Last night I was up from 1-3 with the tether and then at 6 with the 2 year old. I woke DH up at 7 and asked if he could take the kids for breakfast so I could have an hour sleep.

He did but he had to inform me about how tired he was. Then he was grumpy all morning. We'd arranged to go out to a kids event so I said I'd take them alone. He said he wanted to come but was being so miserable that even the 2 year old went "daddy sad". I asked him to fake it but it seriously pissed me off.

I'm so annoyed I feel like once the kids are in bed I just want to let myself get sucked into a passive aggressive strop with one word answers and shrugs.

Would I be unreasonable to sit from 7pm to 10pm in my dressing gown with a resting bitch face and uttering no more that half a word at a time?

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 10/03/2018 16:22

Will that make you feel more happy or more miserable?

Avasarala · 10/03/2018 16:26

Did you tell him what times you'd been up at during the night? Have you discussed how to handle the nights? You should discuss it and come to an agreement about who is doing what. Then, if he complains about it you can say that you agreed on it because you were being left with no sleep.

Shoxfordian · 10/03/2018 17:00

Is that going to make him less useless in future?

Blondephantom · 10/03/2018 17:12

I’d tell him that you are tired and spell out the exact times you were up at and how little sleep you had. Then tell him next time you will wake him up too so he can see exactly what lack of sleep and tired is.

Kitchenbound · 10/03/2018 17:27

YANBU for having a strip - show me the person thats never had one and I'll show you no one in history. BUT you need to tell him why you are having it. Unfortunately DPs of any kind are not mind readers. Tell him why you're upset and make it clear you need time to be angry.

GeorgeTheHippo · 10/03/2018 17:38

Well. It's Mother's Day tomorrow. How will it go? I'm not saying no, just saying think it through.

MiserableOldBat · 10/03/2018 19:17

Well, the babies are in bed and the miserable bugger is snoring his head off. I'm even more pissed off but I'm going to leave him to it and sit quietly on my own all evening.

I know PA tactics don't solve anything but I'm so tired and so annoyed.

He knows full well that I'm up with the kids whenever they need me. If he's ever dealt with a night time wake up he acts like he's ill the next day and I just feel guilty. He's admitted night share is massively unfair but doesn't really do anything to change that.

OP posts:
toasterstrudle · 10/03/2018 19:37

No advice but I too hate the tired martyr act, grinds my gears!

NachoFries · 10/03/2018 19:44

Well, the babies are in bed and the miserable bugger is snoring his head off. I'm even more pissed off but I'm going to leave him to it and sit quietly on my own all evening.

Perhaps you too should head to bed yourself OP? Staying awake, all by yourself whilst everyone’s in bed doesn’t help anyone or prove a point to anyone but yourself. And then perhaps tomorrow you could communicate with your husband exactly what you want to improve and how you want it to improve? Only then can you move forward.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 10/03/2018 19:47

Order yourself a take away..
Stick a note on his forehead reminding him its Mother's Day and you are having a lie in tomorrow.

MiserableOldBat · 10/03/2018 19:47

It really is a martyr act and he probably does about 1 wake up in 20!! And quite often when he does go to the one year old, she ends up in our bed ... with me!!!! He's just transported her there. Gets to act the martyr when it's still me who slept with my head on the bedside table.

He is tired and he is stressed. There's no disputing that but we both are... I am too. But for some reason I have these wonderful hidden superpowers to still get up and get on with it with a fucking smile!!!

OP posts:
OnTheRise · 10/03/2018 19:47

Next time your children wake in the night, and you hear them but he doesn't, could you wake him and tell him it's his turn?

It's a bugger, this parenting lark.

MiserableOldBat · 10/03/2018 19:49

I prefer April's suggestion if I'm honest. I know the sensible thing would be an early night but I wouldn't sleep and I just want an hour or so of being an adult.

OP posts:
MiserableOldBat · 10/03/2018 19:52

Yep... I wake him, he sighs he way into their bedroom and brings her into our bed where she crawls over to me

He knows everything... we communicate, he's admitted the unfairness, he's seen my sleep tracker app thing!

OP posts:
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