IABU - working Vs disposable income

[puglife15]

DH works really hard, long hours, is excellent and talented at what he does.

I've also worked pretty hard at my career, extremely stressful at times but I'm fairly good at what I do. At the moment with two young children I am part time which has meant a drop in income but we compress hours etc to get childcare hours as low as they can be.

We end up working most evenings after kids in bed, having hardly any spare time to pursue own interests (DH out of house 60 hours a week).

But our disposable income isn't good either. We shop in Aldi, don't go on nice holidays, and just spent most of our savings on a new boiler and car.

I know IABU because on a global scale we are actually very wealthy and have a really good quality of life, but it sucks to feel like we are working as hard if not harder than people we know earning a lot more, with a lot less spare time, for less.

Where are we going wrong?!

To be fair if you've got enough savings for a new car and boiler it sounds like you're doing better than a lot of the country.

Unfortunately I think things are going to become a lot worse and disposable income for the majority will become a thing of the past!

We've noticed it massively recently that going out for a meal now seems like a ridiculous cost compared to what it used to.

Why are you working into the evenings too? Is it because you actually can’t do everything within your working time to fulfill your duties as required? What happens on weekends?

With regards the disposable income, I think unless you’re a good saver, people tend to spend to what they earn. Being able to buy and new car and boiler out of savings indicates you do have quite a bit of disposable income, you just choose to spend it differently than other people might.

We struggle with disposable income too but actually, if we looked hard at our spending we could probably find where it is going. Last night we had a drink in the pub £5.75. On the way home DH spent £6/7 on beer to have when we got home. It all seems insignificant at the time but adds up.

When the kids are older you’ll be much better off and be glad you battled working hard now. The time when you have little ones in expensive childcare and being demanding is the hardest. When you’re back to f/t and don’t have childcare you’ll have much more disposable income.

How can anyone answer this? we don't know how much you earn or what you are spending it on.
You might earn 150k between you but have chosen to have a very expensive mortgage, or you might earn 20k each and live in a rented flat.

I feel for you. It is hard when you're working all hours and paying out for childcare, mortgage etc. It all comes down to what you choose to spend on. You are definitely doing the right thing by having savings to pay for big expensive outlays like car and boiler- that sort of thing pushes a lot of people into debt. Obviously everyone's circumstances are highly personal, but could you set aside a small amount each month as 'fun money' to treat yourself? When it comes to meals out etc, have you tried Groupon, they often have deals on meals and nights away.

I do think the cost of childcare in this country is absolutely disgraceful

We are in the same situation, after mortgage (we are in the southeast), school fees (state school is impossible for us due to distance and non-existing before and after school care - to use a state primary school one of us would have to give up work!) and childcare, there is not much left. However, we are also paying in a pension, and the kids won’t be little forever. Once they and we are older, it will be easier. Children are expensive

I guess it's about chosen career. How hard you work is not an indication of what wage you can expect. You've both chosen to work in roles where the salary is less than others you know and possibly takes up more time. Others will work equally hard and earn less. Others more.

I agree that it depends on your chosen career. And then things like mortgage, commuting costs, new car/old car etc a lot of variables that can be adjusted to suit.

Other than that, I think the UK has obscenely expensive childcare. It tends to be heavily subsidised in other developed countries so that people (women especially) can afford to work and have a career.

I expect you will have a lot more cash once you’re not paying for so much childcare.

Also, mortgage, commute, insurance, pension, it all adds up before you even get to anything fun.

It may well be an expectation of a certain type of lifestyle that you don't even realise you have e.g. do you have a big house in nice area, run 2 cars, send DC to lots of clubs etc? Although agree with others, that with small DC childcare sucks out a lot of your income.

Have you ever written down a budget to show where the money goes? If you post it here (or on somewhere like MSE) people might be able to make suggestions.

But surely this is how it is for most people?
In my 30s DH was working long hours and I was working part time and looking after two children. We had a large mortgage, a rubbish car and no holidays. I had to be really careful with every penny.

25 years later the mortgage is paid off, the kids have left home, DH and I now both work full time in slightly better paid jobs. We have also had a small inheritance,

This means we have quite a lot more disposable income (probably about 20K per year) so that buys some nice holidays and treats.

You don't say how old your dcs are. If you are paying for childcare, it is costly but it is for a short period in your dc's time before they go to school. At that point, you will be more senior at work, could potentially move to ft and get a promotion.

I was never poorer than when my second dc was born. Now they are 14 and 11, we have quite a bit of disposable income. But as a family we were skint for a long time.

Go for camping holidays. You have a car and can pack your tent in it. Kids love it and (after the initial outlay) it is cheap and pretty relaxing.

As others have said, there are huge variables at play.
If you’ve got a humongous mortgage (for instance) then you’re still in a privileged position compared to many.

We are early 40s, with two children 5 & 2. The money for car & boiler was saved before we had kids luckily, no way could we save much now.

We do have a fairly big mortgage (live in v expensive part of country) but it's for a modest house and about 70% of what it would cost to rent. It's about £1k a month.

Childcare is about £1.3k a month (extortionate here) and is unlikely to get much cheaper any time soon. We don't do any extra curricular activities or hobbies that cost anything and nor do the kids. Our income before tax is about £62K.

It's not really about how we can save £5 here and £10 here by swapping internet providers and not buying lunch out, more that it feels we are well educated, hard working people slogging away for very little reward and short of changing careers, which we literally can't afford to do right now, I'm not sure how we change it.

Most friends seem to either have family to do some childcare (or at least baby sit regularly), revenue from property, one of them earning £65k+ so the other can afford to stay at home etc , or bought their house before property prices went crazy & subsequently have many thousands more to play with. Family members do loads of extra curricular stuff and various nice holidays. I do have friends less well off but they are working in charity/arts etc or working very part time. I know comparison is the thief of joy but I'm wallowing after reading a holiday thread on here!

I do think you're both working a lot of hours for the salaries you're earning.

What do you both do that needs you to work in the evenings for that kind of salary?

Is your 2 year old in a Nursery? Could you consider moving them to a childminder? In our area a full time childminder place is about two thirds the cost of a full time Nursery place.

I do sympathise as at one point I had a full time and a part time job as we were struggling so much. Now a few years on, the DC are both in school, I’ve had several promotions and we are a lot more comfortable financially.

Won’t your 2 year old get the free hours once they hit age 3? Surely that will make a substantial difference.
Your mortgage isn’t that bad, it’s your childcare costs that are the big blow. You say you do compressed hours? But they are still v high? Surely your 5 year old is at school now which must help?

Unless you are planning to use private schools you are probably at the most stretched point financially right now. Once your youngest is in school your childcare costs should reduce a fair bit. Even if you need some after school care for them it’s unlikely to cost £1.3k pm. Just hang in there.

it's not really about how we can save £5 here and £10 here by swapping internet providers and not buying lunch out, more that it feels we are well educated, hard working people slogging away for very little reward and short of changing careers, which we literally can't afford to do right now, I'm not sure how we change it

It can be those things. Your childcare costs are at a peak now and when both your DCs are at school, things will feel hugely different, but all the little savings can add up too.

Granted the odd fiver here and there doesn't seem like much, but if you get into the habit of always being on the best tariffs, haggling for discounts, using cashback sites , shopping around for the best price and taking a packed lunch most of the time, it could mean a difference of hundreds of pounds a month, or thousands of pounds a year and you will notice how much it adds up, and that could mean the difference between affording a nice holiday and not.

Eg, if between you and your DH, you spend £10 each working day on coffee and lunch outside the house (and plenty of people spend far more than a fiver a day per person - how much are you spending now?), that is £50 a week or around £2.5k a year, which will go a long way towards a holiday.

Also do you buy drinks, coffees and snacks when you go out with the DCs? Again the odd tenner here and there could be hundreds of pounds a year saved, just by taking flasks and picnics most of the time. And for the food at least, you'll probably have nicer food, because most food at attractions is pretty shit really.

Are there any local attractions (city farms etc) nearby that you can get season passes to? Sometimes, you can get an annual pass for little more than the cost of a single day's entry, and then you always have somewhere you can take the DCs for a cheap day out and run around, so the fresh air makes you feel like you've done something worthwhile with the DCs.

(Not trying to be critical, just my childcare costs have gone down hugely now one is school age and the other gets 30 free hours in term time)

Op - I read that holiday thread and found it similarly depressing. However I think most people posting were either older folk or wealthy Londoners. They don't represent the vast majority of us!

How many hours are you working and what is your p/t agreement? You shouldn’t have to give up every evening if you’re also paying out childcare.
My dh is f/t at director level but still tries to stick to 8:30-6/6:30 so that’s an absolute maximum on a bad week of 50 hours. Usually more like 45. (30min commute).
I have 4 days childcare and am self employed. I try to stick to 30 hours work a week. (No commute).
If you don’t reclaim a bit of time in your week then it’s easy to start wondering what the point of it all is.

If you both work and each earn less than £100k which I'm assuming is the case, do you not get 30 free hours childcare for the 2 year old?

Your childcare will go down a good bit when the youngest is in nursery/school.
Try to look at the long term picture and you'll see the benefits then, its really tough when the kids are young but its not forever (just seems like it at times)!!