Does Anyone Ever Think For Their Child's Sake They Shouldn't Have Had Them?

[SadSubject]

Namechanged.

Believe me this is NOT a thread saying the child isn't loved. Quite the opposite. But does anyone have a fleeting moment (or more) that their child is so unhappy that they could do things differently if they turned back the clock? Especially when comparing photographs from their childhood to the face that won't even let them take a photo anymore?

Only third hand, with my cousin.

She is happy now, in her own way, but had a journey to get there.

as what you're describing sounds very hard

I think it's quite normal for children to reach an age where they don't want their photos being taken.

i do understand what you mean - i wish i had done things differently too with my own two at times.
sorry your child is unhappy - lots of advice on here i am sure if you want to share more information about the situation? is it just teenage angst or a lot more?

Is there any more info regards why child is sad or why do you blame yourself? Are we talking a young child or teenager here. I don't think there's any parent that doesn't look back and think I wish I'd done something different at some stage but perhaps you are being a bit hard on yourself here. You're only human,you say the child is very loved so I assume very well looked after? We can all only do our best and sometimes external factors make messes and cause bad things to occur but all you can do is stay trying to deal with it your best and do your best. I wouldn't be looking too much into comparing photographs from childhoods.no childhood is the same just like no two people are the same nor their personalities.

I had severe PND with both of mine. I often used to think about having them live with my parents or getting SS involved to have them fostered. I was so I'll and felt like the worst mother ever. I hated those days. I'm better now and feel that only I can care for them like they need now.

No sorry. I have never felt like this about all of mine. They do all go through some very challenging times and each child finds different things in life more of a challenge than others do. some of mine have sailed through exams others haven't. some have appearance issues, self esteem and confidence issues one of them doesn't.

Thank you all. I’m always utterly reticent to ask a question here because it’s always 50/50 whether you will get amazing support and advice or be ripped to shreds and I couldn’t handle that right now.

The situation isn’t that she doesn’t want her photo taken. She has, over time, developed mental health issues and it is heartbreaking. She is so loved and so cared for but the GP has been useless, school have been as amazing as they can be within their own boundaries, she will probably be on a CAMHS waiting list until the end of time...

There was no trigger in terms of an upsetting life event. It was just as puberty hit she lost all her confidence, she developed extreme paranoia, she doesn’t believe her friends like her, she shrivells up if teachers pick her to answer questions - even though she can answer them. When her old photos come up on my Timehop they floor me. She is so unquestionably happy - extremely happy. Now she says she never feels any joy and if it weren’t for her family she wouldn’t be here.

If someone could give me a magic wand that enabled me to go back in time when we planned to have her, which choice would make me the better Mum?

I'm no expert but I don't think you can do anything differently.
You sound great as you are supporting her. As parents our default is for our children to be happy and it must be heartbreaking to feel so powerless.
Stop torturing yourself with what ifs. Look forward not past.
Go see a different doctor, keep pushing for Cahms. Can you afford private counselling or CBT while you wait for a diagnosis?

OP don't give up.

Some people are born with extra wheels. It just takes time to steer. I have 5 instead of the usual 4 and have had MH issues too. My DS has 7 wheels and is just emerging from a period of MH troubles. Now that he has learned how to control his ship he will outsail many.

@speakout I love that analogy.

DD2 - who has long been suspected to have Autism - and my God it has been difficult to even get the ball rolling on that (despite me having Aspergers!) because at school she shows no signs but at home? Sensory nightmare. Even with my own personal experience I am struggling to help her deal with it all and it feels so, so shit. She’s only 7 at the moment but I can see it getting much worse, like my childhood/teen years were and I so don’t want that for her

NukaColaGirl Thank you.

I simply feel that people who have MH issues are often those that feel more deeply/think in a different way/have extra special skills.
My OH is ASD and ADD.
He is a high earner and affectionately called "The prof" at work ( technical), as he always has a really sideways and alternative approach to problem solving that no one else has thought of.
I truly believe that these skills are a result of his "problems".

Thank you all so much. She was diagnosed with ADHD last year which had totally passed me by as I’d always associated it with door slamming (though we have had some!) and swearing (had a little of that as well).

I’ve tried a few counsellors and she actually seems to have clicked with one, finally! I keep checking with CAMHS.

I also agree that her mind, just like other ADHD genuises such as Robin Williams have a certain kind of sharpness. My worry (not that I ever tell her) is that the meloncholy may be more prominent. I would take all her depressive feelings as my own to give her some moments of happiness.