To wonder what man will ever want me? TMI

[silvergold123]

I can't talk about this to anyone in rl, feel like I'm in an episode of embarrassing bodies..

I've always had health problems that have affected my sex life. All through my 20s I have had tears at the bottom of my vagina when I tried to have sex. I told my ex about it, he'd try and be careful but it would still happen, so it was usually painful and I just put up with it.

Then I developed a mild case of vaginismus as sex involved pain and discomfort. Which obviously affected my libido. I eventually felt pressured to have sex and the relationship went downhill with him eventually going behind my back chatting to other women.

I went to the doc, they just told me to massage the area that was tearing :/

I have also suffered with painful anal fissures for the past five years, and two years ago developed a rectocele prolapse. I'm so sad about it, I'm only 31, not overweight and I've never had kids.

I'm seeing a colorectal surgeon, had a "defecating proctogram" which was as pleasant as it souds.. had to poo while being x-rayed. Apparently the prolapse only partially empties. I'm struggling to poo most days and have to strain.. this will only get worse over time.

Had a feel around the other day and my cervix feels quite low and now I'm worried thats prolapsing as well :(

I found out my ex has been making comments about my "low sex drive" to mutual friends and I just feel so pissed off and exasperated. I suffer with my mental health as well as these physical problems and can't understand why he can't get that into his thick skull.

So back to my main point really, what man is going to want me? I've got a big bulge inside me.. and things are a bit loose. I have an anxiety disorder and struggle with things in life and just think what man will want me and my "low sex drive."

I don't tear when I have sex as much now because of the prolapse :( hurray for me. But instead I occasionally fart during sex how attractive.

I don't know if I can really have the surgery for it as I haven't had kids, I think they'll be reluctant and from what I've read it won't work as well the second time if you do have kids.

If I did ever meet a man I don't know how I'd approach the subject.. would I have to warn him my fanny is falling out or just try to hope he doesn't notice? I can't help but feel that it's going to put them off.

I'd really appreciate what other women think about this, if you've any experience on the subject as I just feel so upset.

I have general prolapsing, too. I struggle to empty my bowels and feel like everything is a bit 'low and loose'. Mine is caused by having three children, though, so at least I feel it was deserved .
I have to say that my dh has never mentioned it and although my sex drive is low these days, his is too, so it doesn't seem to matter.
The right man won't care, so it's just a matter of meeting him. Good luck

I also agree that the right man won't care. We all have our oddities, nobody is perfect. Sorry I can't help, but I think for those in relationships we all have things we feel self conscious about that our partners don't pay any attention to.

Oh OP, i do feel for you. It sounds really grim healthwise, and i absolutely understand it affecting your self-esteem. But, as the others have said, the right man honestly won't care. Sex isn't only about PIV, either and again, the right man will understand that.

Your ex is a total knobber, but presumably (hopefully) that's why he is an ex. Again, when you meet a man who isnt a total cretin, your sex drive may well come back!

Your situation sounds rough

Fwiw if I heard someone slagging off their ex for having a low libido I'd presume they were too dense to notice someone just not being attracted to them. He's basically telling people you didn't think he was sexy.

There may be some underlying insecurity in him thinking that and behaving this way now but this is completely his hang up and you should try and ignore it as much as you can.

It sounds like you have a connective tissue disorder and may be worth chatting to a doctor xx

Your ex sounds like a massive wanker, I hope your friends are telling him where he can shove it when he starts up that shit.

Don't feel low OP, the right man - as PP have said - won't care. There are people about who aren't interested in sex, but just want an emotionally romantic relationship, and men who won't mind not having PinV and would rather do other forms of sex with a partner.

I reckon it's more common than you think. There are others out there, plenty in relationships, however, it's very hard to discuss.

Try not to give a shit about ex's mutterings--I'd spread that he suffered from premature ejaculation.;)

As for the other, OP.

Try not to give a shit about ex's mutterings--I'd spread that he suffered from premature ejaculation.;)

And wet the bed!

Ex has given your self esteem a knock. Maybe some counselling will help that or a good self esteem CBT workbook. I'm very similar to you apart from the tearing. Though I do have quite bad healed tears from childbirth.
I met my partner after all this happened. I fanny fart ALL THE TIME. The right person won't care, and the right person will show up when you value yourself and don't settle for less than you deserve.