To fall out with ds father?!

[sillysausage16]

Long story short. My 11 year old ds was due to be collected by his dad yesterday at half 4. Half 4 came and went and no sign. At half 6 I contacted his gf who said he had told her that he wasn't getting him until this morning as he was going out. I then rang his mum who said he had left at 4 to go for a pint with his dad and then come and collect him. My ds was understandably concerned which was why I was effectively running around after his dad to find out what was happening.

Never heard a thing until this morning when I got a text saying on way for ds. No mention of yesterday or where he was. I replied saying are you not going to explain what happened yesterday. To which he replied saying to get off my fucking high horse and have him ready in 20 minutes.

Tried to say to him that he can't just do that to ds to which he replied that he had just got out of a police cell and it was none of my business.

AIBU to tell him he's not having ds for remainder of weekend!? This behaviour is not a one off, but he's never not collected him because of it before. And AIBU to defend ds because it will cause a massive fall out and set myself up for a lot of abuse

He broken the agreement and he insulted you, do not let him have the child this weekend.

I would stand firm

Ring his mum and ask? It is reasonable for you to be concerned about whether he is in a fit state to have your son today. Perhaps when he arrives he will explain. Sometimes things do happen through no fault.

He just got out of a police cell

Is he even fit to drive?

He is a dick. If he has no past form on letting your son down like this, I would suck it up once, if your son is not at risk from him. If this is ongoing behaviour that is detrimental to your son then keep your son home.

I just don't know what to do anymore. He has put me through hell over the years and I've still allowed contact. Ds hand on heart wouldn't care if he never saw him again but I encourage him to go because he's his dad. We had a reasonable contact order but because he's 11 now I don't know if it's actually up to him if he sees him.

His contact with ds has always felt more like his way of getting to me than spending time with ds. I wish he would move on with his life he has another 3 year old with someone else and I'm happily engaged it's ridiculous

If your son's ok to pass, I would refuse contact and go out until you know what he was nicked for.

Oh hold on though, if there's a contact order you need not to breach it. You may need to go back to court to get it varied.

Unless you have concerns regarding your child’s safety then I’d still let him go to his fathers.

If you cancel then you’re potentially just hurting your DS.

I also think it’s strange that you rang his mother after speaking to his girlfriend. I’m not sure what you gained from that.

Him and his gf live an hour away from his parents and he was at his parents

I'm not sure I would refuse to let DS go, especially if there is a contact order, but I wouldn't let ex drive DS anywhere if I thought he might be over the limit/unfit to drive. (I am massively assuming that he was locked up overnight for being drunk and disorderly).

The contact order is just to allow contact within reason. I've never stopped it or been unreasonable unlike exp.

I've allowed him to go because ds was ok with going. Got no explanation hopefully ds will. He wasn't drunk though, I made him wait while ds got dressed so I could properly assess the situation