Mum not invited to sister's 70th day out

[Booie09]

My mum has maintainable cancer (that's the only way I can describe it) back in December she had to have a one off radiotherapy, at the same time my cousin asked my mum to keep a day free to do something for her mum's 70th birthday! Nothing more has been said until last week when a family friend asked if she was going on the birthday day out which involves a coach trip a day out and then a meal on the way home!! My mum thought she had better find out what was going on to be told she wasn't going but they were going to take her out for afternoon tea!! Mum has seen my Aunty and cousin loads of times since it was 1st mentioned in Dec but nothing at all has been said about this day out and they have been communicating via whatsapp.
My mum is absolutely gutted! Think they are horrible. Aibu to think so.

This is probably an originally well meant comms fuck-up: someone didn't want to be 'tactless' to your mother, equating cancer with complete invalidity, and it's just gone on from there. Hope you can sort it out and regut your mother.

That’s what I thought^^. Probably they were trying not to offend her but thought the day out mightn’t be suitable for her, so they just arranged a second birthday treat instead. I don’t think it’s a snub when they’ve gone to the effort to arrange an alternative. Badly handled comms-wise though, if this is what happened.

They probably thought your mum is too fragile with the cancer.

But if u think she is up for it then definitely have a word with the organiser n tell them that she is gutted and that she wants to go. n rightly so as it is her sister.

Thanks for replying!! Just don't understand why they just didn't pick up the phone and ask. But lives to short to hold grudges.

It does sound like a well meaning fuck up, especially if they've arranged something particular for your mum to attend. I can understand it would be a bit of a surprise to find out but they may not have wanted to put her in a position where she had to stress herself or say no. Unless there's some kind of back story, of course.

Call your cousin and say mums heard about the coach trip and wants to come.
Sometimes one phone call or a little communication can get rid of all these negative feelings and energy.

on behalf of ur mam could u go all cheery don't let it start with tension phonecall when it could be simple misunderstanding "so heard from the fam bout ur mums big day out,mums really excited hows the arrnagemnts going what do we need to know,times dates etc."
there's no skirting round it then nor the ability to tell lies however well intented.and youll then know whats going on.
fingers cross its just cross communication and youll all have a fab day.

How gutting for her! Can you call and try to sort it out? Would she be up to it? Does your aunt have form for excluding your mum?

ArchancellorsHat
There is a back story! Over the years there has been day trips and weekends away one in particular it was when it was the same Aunts 65th birthday a big group went away for the weekend to Ireland and my mum and dad (who doesn't fly)Were not asked!! Mum could of gone because not all the group were couples. This time though I want to think they had my mum's best interests at heart.

Sounds like it’s a well meant fuck up where they have tried to second guess what your mum will be able to do.

I have epilepsy and have had a lot of well meaning people keeping me out of stuff as I “wont be able to do it” or “I would feel uncomfortable”. So I am just left out!!!!! God knows why they think that is better.
I call people on it now as them being pig ignorant is not acceptable even if it was well meant

I think they were thinking your mum would not cope with a full day out so they are offering an alternative. If your mum wants to go speak to them. It does not sound like a deliberate snub to me

kateandme I'm not going.

I do think they had her best interest at heart! But to not even mention anything about it seems off to me.

Ah, yeah if it's part of a pattern that does change things a bit. Your poor mum. I hope she enjoys this other thing - would she be well enough for you to take her out for tea or something on the day to distract her?

ArchancellorsHat I live over 200 miles away. I think if maybe they had mentioned it when they had seen her I don't think there would of been a problem because they have mentioned holidays and stuff! And this is a big birthday with over 30 people going.