To be annoyed at 'sick' partner?

[DobbyIsAGoodElf]

Bit of backstory. Been together 7 years, 2 DC, recently engaged.

Whole house has come down with mild cold. Oldest DC still went to school, I carried on as normal but as usual DP is 'dying' he can 'barely stand up' and came home from work yesterday. (Unpaid) we really can't afford to loose the money.

He's annoyed I'm not sympathetic. I'm just so annoyed. Its every cold, headache, sore back, sniffle and hes on the self pity train claiming he can't do anything. His illness is always 'the worst' in the house when everyone is Ill and he's in a huff I won't fawn over him.

Last week I had a 4 day recurring migraine, still got up with the kids in the night and morning, done school run, all the cooking, cleaning, shopping ect. No help from him aside from the odd 'oh your poor head' comment while lounging around not helping.

Who is bu? Am I a cruel unsympathetic bitch or is he a fucking hypercondriac drama queen?

My dh is the same. He has to take my dad for a hospital appointment next week and its quite a bit of driving. Our car has been leaking oil for 2 weeks I asked him to get it looked at before next week. Apparently he can't because the walk from garrage to home will hurt his back. Ffs its 10 mins walk away.

Oh I hear you, I hear you. I have the same at my house. It is so frustrating. I get a cold: life still manages to go on and the household ticks over. He gets a cold: everything has to stop while he convalesces.

But. I heard a standup comedian say a throwaway something that changed it all around for me. She was talking about men and their manflu but instead of going on about what drama queens they are, she said something like "no wonder they don't take themselves to the GP when they have suspicious bleeding or lumps, if this is how we react to their colds"

I literally don't know what the answer is. I'm on Team FUCK OFF YOU ARE NOT THAT SICK!!! all the way but I think the comedian is right that a lot of our "manflu" narrative is bad for men and their health, and is based on sexist attitudes about how they should be strong and silent.

Maybe instead of coming down hard on men for saying they are experiencing more and stronger symptoms for the same virus that we battled through, we should stop battling and let shit slide while we convalesce? Do we really need to martyr ourselves to be real mums?

I suffer from migraines and really I don't think you can just ignore them and carry on doing your normal stuff, proper migraines fell you, you aren't even able to think properly so it sounds like you had some kind of head cold

This is not true for all migraine sufferers. i take a medication which makes my migraines less severe, so I don't feel bed-ridden but just very vomity, sick, headache and so on. Some months I have so many 'mild' migraines, I have to work and look after the children, ok, one or two days I may go to bed if I can but otherwise, I do have to work from home even sitting up in bed. I am not photo-sensitive though, more sick/nauseous with weakness in limbs etc.

Migraines are not 'one thing' and although a bad migraine will knock you out for days, you can have them without the excruciating pain of the headache- some people have mainly stomach migraines and with medication (as given to me by the local migraine clinic) I can get back to functioning, albeit not feeling that great.

As someone else said, what can you do if you are on your own with small children. You can't actually lie in bed for three days and do nothing whilst they need to go to school and eat!

I basically ignore my DH, say, Yes we've all had it, it's a bummer.
& say if you are that sick go to the doctor/go to bed.
But there is no pandering, I understand exactly. Pathetic.
Have a lovely day with your DC, plan something for tomorrow ask well, as he won't be any better

I have one of these too. It really pisses me off that he goes to bed just expecting me to carry on- even if we've both got the same thing!