Friend keeps lying to me

[meme70]

I have a friend of 46 years we meet aged 2 went all through school together then had children and married roughly the same time we know each other’s secrets she had many more than me but I keep them to myself

I’m soft and she has over the years probably not treated me right but I keep my mouth shut

But

She keeps lying when she asks to meet up usually when she’s working as a carer to keep her company I do, last week I meet her twice when she asked.

For quiet a while I ask her if she her husband myself and my husband can meet for drinks or a meal out etc she always says her husband will say no as money .....

Christmas I asked about a Christmas meal out she was happy to and asked me to book the meal , I booked it and she then cancelled that day said her husband hasn’t been told and he’s get angry as money ( they are well off) so they can’t go. The week following she went out 3 times with him for dinner.

So a couple days ago I was taking to her and we said it would be nice to go out for drinks and maybe a meal she said she’d ask her husband
I asked her a couple times if she’d asked him she said no but she’s up for it and will
So she asked me round her house whilst she was working caring for her charge and she said I will ask husband about Saturday drinks I never mentioned it this time.

Later she text me last night said we’ve just gone out for dinner cost £60 and husband I know he won’t go out so we will have to leave it , she said as the meal was expensive and mother’s day they can’t afford to go out Saturday with us.
An hour ago I just saw her post on Facebook she just got in from a brilliant night out drinking

1. She states she hates pubs - but was in one
2. She told me yesterday they can’t afford it
3. This is happening often

My problem is I don’t want a huge fight with her I’ve a lot stress atm but she’s not treating me right and I wish she’d realise this but she won’t she praises herself in being a kind honest person

I’ve asked her to go out an evening with just me and her - she won’t as her husband kicks off
I’ve asked her to an event - she loves : won’t go

Last year 3 monyhs I did as she did stopped jumping to her tune meeting onky when she said and she got nasty with me when I told her why she denied it and said lies.

How would you handle this ?

She sounds like a bloody nightmare, but it also sounds like her husband is controlling. What an arse, commenting on your boobs.

Step back and move on and away from them. Just because you've been friends for a long time doesn't mean you need to stay friends.

She’s obviously not allowed to go out with you in an evening basically and he doesn’t want to go out as a 4. It sounds like she’s seeing you when she can- during the day- and he’ll put an end to that too if possible. It’s your right to walk away but if you do want to see her you’ll have to do it when she can.

He doesn’t want her to go out at all
With anyone !
He’s giving up work I think to keep an eye on her.

I’ve know him since 1987 when they first meet she’s cheated on him a few times he’s used to go off to places like Amsterdam and Thia land with male mates stay weekends etc
Then the last few years they’ve both got to the point when they are out they get jealous if they think someone else is looking at the other and they end up arguing badly most Friday nights

My issue is she point blank lied again
Christmas she told me to book a table for us 4 tbhave a meal Last minute cancelled saying they can’t go as money - they are well off. Then they went out 3 times for dinner the following week. This week she’s done it again said they won’t be able to go out tonite as money but went out last night !! Posting it on Facebook. Unless your increasingly unintelligent you’d not do that I think she wanted me to see it. So I’ve been thinking enough is enough and I won’t put up with it anymore. She says she trusts no women around her husband so maybe I’m one of them god knows why he died wouldn’t be my type of all men died ..... Thankyou

If this has been going on for years I don’t know why you’d ever even bother arranging a night out when it blatantly wouldn’t happen. She probably just agreed it to avoid having to go into why she couldn’t. Why would you want to go out with them as a couple if they behave like that anyway?

Yes your right
I’ve decided to back off slowly say I’m busy and if it comes to it simply explain many times I’ve tried to arrange a evening out with her but she tells me she can’t as money then goes out anyway

As I don’t see her in my life in the future it doesn’t anttwr and hopefully I’ll be a few miles away later this year so little change of bumping into each other

That’s my main problem living so close in a village and falling out

Thankyou

I txt her did you have a nice time last night. She replied yes went out for lunch but ended up spending £85 see why people are skint

So I replied I thought you couldn’t go out and does your husband not like us ?

I think she’ll have ago at me but I’m done it’s all a lot of b@ll@x

meme70

The lies and excuses sound like they only come up when a couples night out is suggested? It's quite possible that her husband simply doesn't like you and/or your husband but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you that.

Or maybe he just doesn't like couples dates. My husband and I both dislike the idea of going out with other couples and will only do so with his brother or sister and their partners occasionally.

I wouldn't get into any of this, it sounds exhausting. When she texts, just be non committal. Phase her out gently. It will be easier once you've moved.

The text you sent was baiting the bear and will now give you grief you didn't want.

They just don't want to go out with you. Accept it and move on

Why should I accept disrespect and lies

She expects me to jump when she wants to meet up if I don’t I get abused does that sound like she doesn’t want to meet up ?

She sent many replies since my text

Her husband is moaning non stop today at the money they spent last night

She sskedy she’s let me down and is going to make it upto me

I simply replied I won’t ask again have. A nice weekend
She said don’t be like that so I explained she does it all the time

She does it to many people that’s from many people saying the same

She will simply lose a friend of a lifetime as said it’s easier when I move unless you’ve lived in a village you can’t realise how on top of was how other you are

Thankyou for all your replies they are appreciated

She sounds like she is in a toxic/abusive relationship. He has the purse strings and she doeesn't know if she is allowed out. I was once in a relationship like this and made some pretty lame excuses at the last minute to cover it up. Goodness knows what my friends and familyt thought.
The thing that suggests this most strongly is that she wants to meet when she is at work - when she has a legitimate reason to be out of the house and he won't be able to check on her. It may be her only free time.
Just because she drinks doesn't mean that she isn't being abused. Maybe it's just getting to her.
You could tell her about your concerns, and suggest meeting at times that he wont be able to know and go to places that cost nothing. If he is financially controlling, which it certainly sounds like he is, it doesn't matter how much money 'they' have. She might not have access to it or he might check whatever she spends and causes her trouble after it.
Perhaps the drinking and acting out is a cry for help?
Whatever is going on, she sounds like she is at the end of her rope and probably needs a friend. Don't abandon her now

It sounds like he controls the money and she can't go out in the evening with you because he won't let her.

However, it also sounds like she treats him shitty and as a result has got into the habit of treating everyone around her shitty - you, her sister, her niece - and they may be happy with that in their marriage, but you don't have to accept it in a friendship.

What jumps out at me is that her husband sounds very controlling. The times that she has gone out, it has been with him, he holds the strings. There might be more behind the scenes you don't know about, her husband could be emotionally abusing her. When you saw the Facebook photos of her night out, was she with or without her husband.

He sounds like he is financially abusing her, taking charge of the money, and letting her have very little. When they are going out for a meal, he is the one paying. Her behaviour could be as a result of being abused by this man. When you have met her, its been when she is at work, when he knows she is at work. She is probably not allowed out except for work. This is what abusers do, isolate their victims, so their friends fall to the side one by one. When don't you sit down with her, and have a chat. Tell her your concerns.