To be terrified of speaking in court

[Drqedwa]

My ex has taken me to court requesting a change of residency. He has made a number of allegations and has made a print out of every argument we had and every time I was late to pick our son up.

Our Son has a solicitor now who has told me my ex has no chance and theres no evidence im anything but a good Mum and there would need to be serious safeguarding concerns for the Courts to change residency. She said unless he has cctv of me high off heroin while in charge of looking after my son or something of that standard. There is nothing to worry about.

I managing to represent myself as I literally can't afford any different while he has a barrister. I'm comforted by the fact our son has his own solicitor and guardian who both seem to believe our son should remain with me.

I've represented myself well so far but the next meeting is where my ex prepares a bundle of evidence against me and sends it to the court. I then respond and this is also sent to the judge.

I have no idea how much talking I will be expected to do and I feel so nervous. I'm not sure I would be okay to present my side of the story in spoken form (I'm fine with writing a position statement ) and don't know if I'm allowed ask not to.

I don't mind answering some questions but I don't feel able to present my case in spoken form and there is absolutely no way I can afford legal representation as right now I have no income while waiting to start a new job.

I'm not entitled to legal aid as I haven't made allegations that he was abusive in the relationship.

So the next meeting is a directions hearing where the judge decides if a fact finding hearing is needed and where our position statements are submitted to the judge in written form.

AIBU if I ask the judge if it's okay if I don't verbally present my case? He will have my written position statement.

My case is considered extremely strong. The judge has already dismissed my ex's request for an emergency interim residence order and a previous request he made to prevent me moving house.

Our Son is 4. My ex has contact every other weekend but never sticks to it. Until a few weeks ago my ex would ring me up to 8 times a day. This is all about control and I'm really hoping the judge can see that.

I don’t know about this type of case but CAB has witness support services which might be able to help

Don't panic, you won't be in court like on the TV.

These type of hearings are usually held in the district judges chambers, sometimes round a table and not open to the public.

Please do some research and you will realise that if is nothing like what you think it is going to be like.

I’m so sorry you are in this position.
I’ve just come through this whole process myself.
Firstly, the guardian Puts you in a very good position - she has said your child isn’t going anywhere - believe her.
The judge will see you are unrepresented and will guide you in making points etc - you will have to verbally make points and the judge may want clarity on things in your statements - the guardian may have some questions or points to make. Ours did - and we were both called to give evidence under oath on the stand.

You shouldn’t have to speak for very long. I was asked questions whilst on the stand - this maybe took 20 minutes? - I then cross examined my ex - this took a lot longer as he had to try and push his reasoning through - he didn’t.

If you are worried about going to court, there is usually a duty solicitor at the court who can give you advice / guidance - not sure if they can come into court with you though you would need to check with the courts. Also, there are support services I can’t remember what they are called by they act as advocates of the court to support you.

As a op said, you won’t be in open court. It’ll just be in a room with only the required people in there.

Just wanted to offer you some support. You come across extremely well in your OP that I'd have no doubt you'd be able to voice your side in a very effective manner. Perhaps writing it down, like you have with this post, and reading it out may help your public speaking? All the very best of luck to you, OP. You have no worries

I think every person who has had to face a court, a tribunal or anything of that nature is at least scared if not terrified. The judge will be very aware of how you will be feeling and should make it as easy as possible for you and will understand if you ask for questions to be repeated or you need to stop for a couple of deep breaths.

Everyone gets nervous speaking in Court. When I was training as a barrister I saw the hands of the experienced barrister I was shadowing shaking when he was in a Court. He said you need the adrenaline to do the job well. If you lose it, quit. That stuck with me. He saw it as a positive thing. I was in the court of appeal for work last year and one of the barristers was visibly very nervous indeed. She became a QC later that year.

My top tip would be to have an A4 sheet in front of you with the key bullet points you want to make written on it. It'll give you something to refer to if you freeze.

Good luck.

I've been in the same court room for a few hearings now. It's very formal with space for a jury. It's very intimidating. Nothing like a judges changed that I was always led to believe I would be in.

Obviously there is no jury but there's my ex's solicitor and the guardian as well as my sons guardian.

My sons solicitor doesn't think it will go to a fact finding hearing where cross examination happens as 'province's my ex's claims would not change the end result so therefore it would be futile. However I am not sure.

I've made sure to make no allegations about my ex as then I can't be cross examined on what I've said.

The stress is horrendous. I'm a social worker myself but I work in adults and have no experience of the fact not courts until my ex started his accusations.

*chamber

Could you get a McKenzie friend to support you?

You will be fine. Try not to stress about it. DJs are very much used to people presenting their own case and will help you to make sure your side is heard properly. It is part of their duty to justice to make sure that is the case. The surroundings wont make any difference to the outcome and as your child has a solicitor they will ensure his wishes are heard. I'm sure you will be fine and have the right outcome for you and your family.

I second wallowinwater’s suggestion to get a McKenzie Friend. It doesn’t have to be anyone with legal training, just someone you trust who can sit next to you in court, take notes, and remind you if there is anything you forget to say. Your ex would have the chance to object to them being allowed in court, so try and make it someone as neutral as possible, but the judge gets the final say on whether they’re allowed in. Also bear in mind that anyone who has been present in court as a McKenzie Friend won’t be able to participate in future hearings, so don’t use anyone you might later need as a witness in a Fact Finding. There are people who offer professional services as McKenzie Friends if you don’t have anyone you can ask. Obviously they charge, but not as much as solicitors.

You could also ask if your court have any PSU volunteers who can give you some moral support. Again, they can’t speak for you in court or give legal advice, but can sit next to you and take notes, and talk things through with you out of court.

You do sound very well prepared though, and if your child’s Guardian and solicitor are in support of your position, it sounds like it will be fine. The judge would need a very good reason to go against the Guardian’s recommendation.

Good luck