Can I leave with my daughter?

[mmmutl]

Re-posted from Legal Matters
Long story short, really unhappy in relationship, have tried talking and suggested counselling, doesn't seem to have made any difference, he didn't do counselling. Have been seriously thinking of leaving for some time. Have had a few big bust ups in the last month, about kids, us etc. He's never violent, he's loud and he shouts, he's always right, I am always wrong. He won't stop lecturing me, I actually took the time to write down every time he told me off starting beginning on December and by Christmas Day it had reached 30!

Anyway we had a huge row today because i didn't react appropriately to something someone else did wrong apparently he blew up, I became- brave and actually turned around and said he was behaving like and idiot and called him a twat. He got really cross, said I am fucking out of order, I should go and see me fucking councillor (booked one to talk through my thoughts as I have no friends left) and get my divorce I do want and fuck off with all his money ( I work full time). So I said I was leaving to get some fresh air, took the toddler with me.
I took the time and looked at getting us a house to rent, started sorting finances for rent, car etc.

So he's come home all how wrong I am about everything and how dare I behave like this etc etc. I said enough stop talking at me, he wouldn't. I said we're done. He said get out take my kids (3 are mine) and leave but can't take the littlest (ours together).

So my question we rent where do I stand legally taking my youngest, can he stop me?

Sorry for the essay.

Is he on the bc?

Yes

Sorry to hear this, hope you are ok.
Are you married? Is the house owned or rented? Whose name is it in?
Can you stay there and make him move out?

Feeling shaky and nervous but brave and determined all at the same time.
Yes we're married, house is rented in both our names, not too fussed about moving to be honest, in fact I'd prefer it.

@IAmWonkoTheSane possibly a bluff. I would never prevent access at all, he can see her as much as he likes. He's very loving to her, lots of cuddles etc. Not massively great on the practical side. He couldn't take her to work, and wouldn't put her into child care. He hates when she's there.

Regarding the legal side of things, I'm not going to be much help, I don't think he can stop you, but you probably want to keep things as amicable as possible (and I know it's often not possible) to make things easier long term.
Well done for standing up to him - he clearly is used to being able to push you into doing what he wants, and doesn't like the new brave you.
Good luck, chin up, and stay strong

The fact is you'd not be "taking" her and get him to stop using such dramatic phrases. She'd be living with you (as primary carer i infer) and you would both arrange access.
Keep the calm going. It's tricky but he clearly likes a screaming match rather than getting somewhere in a conversation. Go ahead and organise a home for you and dc.

Part of the reason I have put off leaving is I am dreading the shit storm I know will follow. I want to keep things as amicable as possible. But I know it's not going to remain so.

There is no court in this land that would seperate one child from their siblings in this instance. He is aggressive and controlling and you have her siblings. He is calling your bluff - they ALWAYS do.

Go and take your babies. You do not have to live like that. Youre strong. Your eyes have been opened. DOnt let him do it to you or your babies any longer

He sound emotionally abusive and controlling imo. Have you spoken to Womens Aid? If you fear the reaction that will be triggered by your leaving, phone them for a chat. They can help you.

If he were the main carter he may have grounds to remain so but if he's not the fact the others would be with you would be in your favour!

@Branleuse thank you, that made me cry. I hope you're right.
@UpstartCrow I plan on speaking to them tomorrow. I wanted to avoid all that and be grown up about all of it, but it appears we can't.
@RandomMess he's not the main carer, I am but he is with her a lot - we work together and she comes to work with me.

I am feeling a little raw and possibly over panicking but I needed some reassurances so thank you.

Well just take her with you then

Take all your kids and get away from that bully! Good luck

He's just come up (we're in separate bedrooms) and asked for a cuddle because he doesn't want us to be like this and doesn't want to loose me.

After a night of quite a lot of think I became quite livid at how disrespectful he was, I am a mother of daughters, how can he think what he did was right and to speak at me they way he did in-front of someone else too!

So he got a very short 'No' from me. But it did take a lot of strength to say. As I am a dreadful people pleaser.

But after I feel better for it.

He sounds very much like my best freind's ex. Very controlling, belittled her, shouted and demanded she danced to his tune at all times. The man had a spreadsheet for their life - when they would have children, buy a new car, new house. Even when she should be getting promotions. Awful man, but could be quite personable when she was doing as she was told.
She left, it was hard and took her a long time to do it but it was the best thing she ever did. For her and her children. She's a different women now, so happy and confident and i swear she's actually getting younger. She didn't "take" the children but they live with her and spend regular time at their dad's. He still tries to control her but she's got pretty good at dealing with him. It wasn't an easy thing to do but it was absolutely the right thing and now its done she's so happy in her life with her children.
Good luck OP

I don't know legal information, but I'm under the impression that courts usually grant mother as main carer?

Please leave him, what a horrible way to treat anyone, constantly shouting at them! ☹️