Is my bil being u?

[HettySunshine]

So it's obviously Mother's Day on Sunday. DH and I have 3 young dc (all pre-school) and not much money but had vaguely talked about doing something nice as a family but had no fixed plans.

DH's much younger brother messaged DH today to say he was doing a buffet at my il's on Sunday and seeing if 'you' could come. Dh messaged me to see if I wanted to go, I love my il's so said 'yes of course, is my dm invited?' (she ALWAYS is as she has no other family so would be alone otherwise), dh duly replied to check.

DBIL replied to say only dh was invited, not me or children as his dw was going to her mum's. They have no children and have only been married a few months.

Dh replied to say if he came he would be bringing the dc as looking after them on my own is really hard work and not much fun.

Is my dbil being unreasonable to organise a family get together on Mother's Day and not invite me & the children? Or am I being unreasonable to expect to be invited?

It does seem odd to invite you DH on m=Mother's day but not you or your DCs.

It's your mother's day too. I always think families come as a unit. If I invite my sister over, it's a given that the invitation is extended to her dh and dc - They're a package!

So, yeah, I think your bil is bu.

BIL hasn't thought it through he's forgotten your a mum and have a mum too

Yes. He is. Very mean spirited.

Yes you BIL is being a muppet. Family's come as a package. Your mil would probably like to see her grandchild. Tell him all or none

That sounds incredibly rude of him especially if based on something as silly as his wife not being there.

Your BIL hasn't really thought about the fact that is Mother's Day for you as well as for your DM and your MIL. Your DH really needs to put him right on this. Anyway a buffet with just him, your DH and MIL will be a bit rubbish i would think!

Does he really think that she wouldn't want to see her grandchildren on Mother's Day?

He's unreasonable and weird.

It's pretty rude. Yes, he wants to see his mum and she is his priority, but naturally you and your children should now be your DH's, so he can't set up cost buffets just for him and his brother and their DM.

Your BIL thinks you want your DH to feck off and leave you to look after all your kids alone on your Mother’s day? It really hasn’t occurred to him that there is more than one mother in the family now

No doubt it would be a lovely thing for MIL, but definitely wrong for you and your mum to be pushed aside. Hope your DH makes your day special tool

Why is it hard and not fun to look after your own children?

Because he’s not at that stage of life, he’s not thinking of you being a mother.

Why is your DH saying about taking the children and not you though? Surely you want to be with your children and family on Mother’s Day?

Whatshallidonowpeople
Why is it hard and not fun to look after your own children?

Not really the point of the thread.

Whatshallidonowpeople
Why is it hard and not fun to look after your own children?

Because they are 4, 2 & 2. The twins want to climb on the furniture, hit each other with toys and won't leave the 4 year old alone so she can't settle to anything by herself unless she's in different room.

Hope that helps.

It sounds like you really get on with your MIL and I imagine if DH did go, she would be mortified to realise that you had been left with the kids to look after on Mother's Day. I'm sorry, I'm not sure what the solution is, so I'd probably let DH and BIL get on with their text debate and stay well out!

I don't think your husband should go I think you all should do something with your mum and then call to see mil at a different time so if the buffet is lunch time then go later in afternoon. Bil is being strange I mean why would your husband leave you and children at home ? I would just reply saying no sorry we want to spend mothers day together so we will do our own thing. Hope you have a nice day

Tell your husband to remind your BIL it’s your Mother’s Day too. Surely he will click then?

Your DH should tell BIL it's all of you or none of you. I've had this - BIL (single) suggests to my DH they go round and see MIL ... leaving me on my own with the DC. He even suggested they take her out for lunch one year - I wasn't invited. DH declined. Some people are just thoughtless.

BIL is being very unreasonable!

And don't explain why it's hard looking after young dc. Only a prat would ask that question.

Yes, bil is being unreasonable. He may come to his senses.

BIL's ideas sound dismal to me. Two grown men and their mother and a pork pie. Dismal.
But I'm a mischief maker and would be making some calls.
I'd get my mother over to my house and send DH to the buffet lunch, then at 2.30 he and MIL put their coats on and say their thank yous and goodbyes to BIL as they are off to yours for a slap up roast dinner and a play with the grandchildren and a 'proper' Mother's Day.

Dh had a word with fil as I was a bit worried mil would think I hadn't wanted to come. He was shocked bil hadn't invited me and the children so 'had a word'. All sorted now. I get to go and I'm taking brownies (which is a good thing, I love baking!).

Thank you for your wise words ladies.